


Out of all the people in the world

by Totally_Legit



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2Jae, AU, Alternate Universe, Fluff, M/M, Non-Canon Age Gap, Secret Relationship, Smut, There's plot, They're both office workers, dirty smut, lots of love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-04-25 13:02:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 45,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14379204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Totally_Legit/pseuds/Totally_Legit
Summary: It had to be Jaebum, of all people, Youngjae fell in love with when he was just a teenager.The one person he could never be with.Ever.They parted ways, leaving him heartbroken.Now he's an adult and he meets Jaebum again...Now Youngjae can get what he always wanted.But can he?





	1. First glance

**Author's Note:**

> New project, folks.
> 
> First time EVER it's an AU. I never write those, because I prefer Canon stories BUT  
> I don't have any ideas really, so this will do.
> 
> So far the chapter estimate is just a rough guess, because it's not completed.  
> There will be smut, but for once there's an actual story. Like with a plot and all. Yay
> 
> However, most of GOT7 is actually not in it. I just didn't have any need for additional characters so...
> 
> Also, apologies about the Flashbacks, they will be stopping later, I promise, I just really needed them for the plot, okay.  
> *pssssssst* smutty stuff starts in chapter 3

 

Jaebum's left arm is still stretched out in a routine 'Have-a-seat'-gesture. There is an encouraging smile on his face, but his expression, just like his movements, had frozen mid-sentence. He is like a statue. No sign of surprise in his brown eyes. The only hint of his perplexity is his complete motionlessness.

Youngjae is too, by the way. He'd respectfully bowed when the door had been opened for him and only when his head came back up their eyes had met. Time stopped.

Jaebum looks ridiculously beautiful, Youngjae thinks. His perfect face looks like it was carved from marmor. Clean, strong lines, messy hair and that frozen smile that lingers on his perfectly shaped lips. Youngjae felt his heart miss a beat or two. Then it went back into action at double speed. Blood is thrumming in his ears.

Jaebum had not changed much. He might look a little dirtier. A little wilder. A little more free.

But still as handsome as...

 

_"You're really good at that." Jaebum said with a smile. He was lingering on the sofa in the most casual of manners. Lying on his stomach, head placed on his crossed forearms on top of the armrest. His naked feet were up on the sofa, attached to the slender legs that never seemed to end. And he smiled. He smiled so perfectly genuine and kind that the world around Youngjae vanished. Making him forget that none of this was perfect in any way. That Noona would freak out if she knew someone had their feet on the sofa. That mum would scold him if she knew that the drinks that were placed in front of him and next to Jaebum on the bystander contained alcohol that Youngjae wasn't legally allowed to consume. That this was just a moment. Alone, isolated. A different dimension and not the real world._

_"Thank you", Youngjae was glowing over the compliment as he took his fingers down from the piano keys and placed them in his lap."Play for me again!", Jaebum demanded shamelessly. Youngjae couldn't tear his gaze away from him. His eyes were full of affection. He still smiled and he looked so stupidly handsome. Youngjae wanted to give him everything. Anything he ever asked for and more. He'd give him the world. He took a sip from his drink, then gently slid his fingertips over the piano keys. He started playing and he played and played and Jaebum never took his eyes off him._

 

"Youngjae..." the voice is low. Dark and raspy and it snaps them both back to reality. Jaebum hits his hand over his mouth as if he were surprised about saying his name out loud. Youngjae straightens his back. "Hyung..." he answers. And yes, it is lame. You'd think they had anything else to say to one another after such a long time.

Jaebum is still not capable of moving properly, so Youngjae takes it on to close the door behind himself. He glances around the room casually. It looks comfortable enough. Just a few tables in the middle with polstered chairs around it. A white board, a beamer and a few lonely, green plants. It's nothing special. His eyes are drawn back to Jaebum who is still staring at him with his right hand pressed over his mouth and his pretty eyes the size of tennis balls.

 

Youngjae halfheartedly tries a smile. It used to be the easiest thing to smile at Jaebum. Smile over Jaebum, Smile with Jaebum. But now it feels just weird.

 

"Youngjae-ah...", Jaebum mumbles behind his hand. "You... you are... really...." Really here? Really grown up? Really still alive? Really... pretty?

 

_"You're the prettiest thing in the universe", Jaebum giggled. He was drunk. "I couldn't take my eyes off you the whole day." Jaebum's voice was unclear, his breath smelled of alcohol and it was hot and hit Youngjae right in the face. Jaebum hovered so close above him. He knelt over him, hands right next to his shoulders, knees left and right of his hips. If it weren't for the blanket, the heat radiating off Jaebum would've probably burnt his skin. Youngjae was upset. Disheveled. Longing._

_But no matter how much he wanted to give in. He wouldn't._

_"Get off me, Hyung. You shouldn't be here." He pushed at Jaebum's shoulders even though he stood no chance against him. "But I don't want to." Jaebum hummed "I want you." Youngjae shuddered. No matter how brave he could bear all the emotional things. All the heartache. Sexual tension was a bitch._

_"Go back where you belong or I will scream." He hissed between clenched teeth and Jaebum actually backed off and fell on the bed next to him. "Leave now, before someone finds you here." Jaebum groaned in frustration and anger, he was a professional at that. “Sometimes I think you don't even want me just a little. How can you be so cold.”_

_Youngjae swallowed the lump in his throat. That was the point, wasn't it? “Hyung, get out...” He turned away from where Jaebum was lying, but even though he was giving it his all, his voice broke. “Please...”_

 

_Jaebum got up and stumbled out of the room._

 

Youngjae clears his throat as Jaebum doesn't seem to be trying any longer to finish his sentence. “It's been a while, hmh?” Jaebum glares at him with large, piercing eyes. His brows knit. “I _t's been a while!_ ” he echoes in a disbelieving tone. “Is that all?” Youngjae fiddles with the end of his tie. He got dressed up all chic and professional. He wonders if it is a strange sight for Jaebum. “If you can come up with anything logical to say... go ahead.” He scolds. Jaebum's eyes follow the movements of his fingers, then wander further down and back up in slow motion until he's looking Youngjae in the eyes again. “You look different.” The answer does not surprise Youngjae. “It must be.” He makes a face at Jaebum, “The last time we saw each other I was a teenager clad in an oversized hoodie.”

“It was blue.” Jaebum stares him down. “And you looked absolutely adorable in it.”

 

Youngjae feels his ears getting warm. He can't help it. Jaebum's voice is still the same. The way he speaks. He really hasn't changed.

Jaebum steps closer, making him nervous. He stops only when he is so close that Youngjae has to lift his head to keep looking him, because even though he grew older, he didn't grow in height. “You're freaking me out” Jaebum mumbles and lifts his hand to slide it over Youngjae's hair in the most lovable way possible. “Coming in here at my workplace and.... You're having a job interview?!”

 

Youngjae chews his bottom lip and nods carefully. He's distracted, because Jaebum is so close he can feel his warmth and smell his soap. Jaebum takes one step back again, suddenly being brought back to reality. “My boss be here in...” The door gets tossed open while he stutters and cuts him off.

  

“I'm very sorry for being late. It's Mr. Choi, right?” The man that stepped inside seems hardly older than Jaebum himself. He's in a dress shirt, but wearing no jacket and his tie is just loosely hanging around his neck. Youngjae suddenly feels terribly overdressed. Jaebum, in all his handsome glory is only wearing a T-Shirt and worn out skinny jeans.

So much for proper work attire. Youngjae turns to the man, who's apparently the CEO and bows politely.

 

“Thank you, Jaebum, for greeting him. Now hurry back to work.” His tone is joking and Youngjae notices the casual addressing. Jaebum nods and hums an “Okay” but he does not even look at his boss once. His eyes are still fixated on Youngjae, even when he walks over to the door and leaves the room.

“Thank you for coming. Sit down please.” the CEO says and offers him a chair. It takes a lot of effort to get his mind off of Jaebum to focus on the interview. It has always been the toughest thing in his life to stop thinking about that handsome idiot.

 

“ _At least look at me when I am talking to you!” Noona scolded and Youngjae startled out of his daydream. “I'm sorry” he apologized immediately, throwing in a cute face for good measure. Noona sighed. “What's on your mind?” she asked. And would not in a million years receive an answer for that. “Secret” he said, followed by an otter-smile._

 _Yes, he had been thinking about Jaebum._ Again. _It was pathetic probably. His mind was occupied with his handsome almost-boyfriend about every second of every day. His stupidly cute smile and his broad shoulders and his warm voice that gave Youngjae a soft fuzzy feeling and his toned abs that gave Youngjae another kind of feeling, that was quite the opposite of soft. Sometimes it was hard to get rid of the daydreams and the fantasies. They would follow him, even if he tried to focus on something important._

 

The interview is quite normal. CEO Kang is actually very professional. The attire aside. Youngjae has been to a lot of job interviews already. Most answers are routine. He's polite and shows just the right amount of interest. The company seems like a nice place to work. It is a small start-up business but apparently doing well enough to hire additional staff.

 

When the interview is over and CEO Kang promises to send the notice soon, shaking hands and opening the door for Youngjae, he hesitates. “Uhm... Excuse me” he says, not quite confident enough. “Yeah?”, the CEO seems confused, probably because he hears Youngjae to be shy all of a sudden.

“Could you tell me where... Im Jaebum's office is?” Youngjae receives a puzzled look. “He is a Hyung I used to know and... I think I want to say goodbye.”  
“Oh really?! I had no idea” then he tells him directions and apologizes for not having the time to show him in person. Youngjae rejects it, thanks him, bows a few times, thanks him again and tells him that “It really doesn't bother” him. And that he “will definitely find the way alone.”

 

As he walks down the quiet hallway with insecure steps he recaps the meet-up they just had. It was hellishly awkward, but if they had been alone for just another five minutes... he can't really tell what would have happened and he tries not to think about it.

What should they say to one another? What should they talk about? How should they behave? Where are they standing?

 

He thought about this for a million times in the past years.

Ever since Jaebum said 'Goodbye' in the bright sunshine on the street in front of Youngjae’s family home. Tears were falling down his crunched up face, leaving wet streaks on his handsome cheekbones and Youngjae had been biting the inner of his cheeks to not join in with the crying. He endured the soft kiss on his forehead with an adamant face and only when Jaebum did finally get into his car and drove off without looking back once, he broke down on the sidewalk and cried his eyes out. And when his family came back later they found Youngjae to be locked in his room and he would not answer when they asked “Is he gone”, because it was pretty fucking obvious that he was gone and Youngjae didn't want to hear it because that made it more real and he didn't want to have to speak it out loud, because he thought that he would probably drop dead from his broken heart if it received one more push.

 

Ever since that moment he thought about this. He thought about Jaebum almost every day. He fantasized about meeting him again in a variety of ways. By accident. Or planned and surprising him. But not once has he actually mapped out the scenario in his head. He has not thought about what he would say. He had not thought about how much time passed. About how things change and people change. About how to deal with the time that never stopped going forward even though Youngjae’s world stopped spinning the day Jaebum left. And he does not know if he missed out on something. He only knows that he missed Jaebum.

 

 

_Jaebum was sitting at the kitchen table with a can of beer when Youngjae returned home. It was very late at night. “You're home.” Jaebum said and Youngjae nodded and bowed slightly. He hadn't been expecting that. He'd stayed out late on purpose. To avoid having dinner with his family and having to look at Jaebum over the dinner table, who would stare back at him with that hungry look in his eyes. Youngjae fidgeted with the hem of his shirt and tried to excuse himself to his room, but Jaebum wouldn't let him. “Sit down, I'll make you some tea. It's cold outside.”_

_Youngjae sat. He didn't really want to, but obviously he really wanted to. Jaebum rummaged around the kitchen and boiled water for the tea. While waiting he sat down on the other side and looked at Youngjae. “You had fun?” he wanted to know and Youngjae nodded._

 

“ _Will you talk to me please?” Jaebum's voice was not demanding or scolding. It was kind. Just the right level of genuine interest and affection. “I went out to have dinner with my friends.” Youngjae said before he could think about it twice. “I missed you.” Youngjae took a shaky breath, because his heart leaped. “I missed you too, Hyung.” He couldn't keep the words from spilling. “Let's hang out next Thursday. Okay?” Jaebum's smile could've lit an entire football stadium. It blinded him and Youngjae couldn't get himself to regret that suggestion. “Of course, sweetie.”_

 

The building is not that small. The meeting-room is in another part of it than the rest of Jaebum's company. So it takes him a while to reach his destination, passing floors with offices of other companies. The employees don't pay him much attention.

 

He counts the room numbers, looking at the door-signs closely, until he reaches the one that reads 3.04 – Im Jaebum. He stops, taking deep breaths to calm his nerves. His hand is already on the handle when he realizes he should probably knock. He raises his fist, but it stops in mid-air before hitting the grey, boring plastic that's pretending to be a door.

It is nerve-wrecking. Standing there and bracing himself to find Jaebum inside. It was easier when they bumped into one another unprepared.

 Youngjae decides to fuck the knocking, grabs the door handle in a cramped fist and presses down. Jaebum jerks around when the door is being thrown open. He's not on his chair, he's standing in the middle of the room, stumbling over his feet then throwing himself around to look in his direction.

“I was going to see you before leaving.” Youngjae expertly faking calmness as if this isn't awkward.

Jaebum stares at him the same way he did before. As if he is seeing a ghost. As if he can't believe his eyes. “You came...” he says absentmindedly. Youngjae closes the door behind himself, before anything weird happens. It doesn't have a key.

 

“Did the interview go well?”, Jaebum asks. His arms are hanging loosely at his sides. His stance is somewhere in the middle between absolutely relaxed and ready to lounge forward any moment. His shoulders are a little tense, hunched. They are still as broad, his arms still as toned. Youngjae has inappropriate thoughts for a moment. Something along the lines of having Jaebum bend him over the desk and screw his brains out.

 

“It was okay.” Youngjae shrugs “Your boss is pretty neat. I think I left a good impression.” Jaebum nods. His lips are parted, the look in his eyes still as if he wasn't really present. “You're looking for a job? You finished university?” He just so manages a casual tone. He's never been as good at that as Youngjae. “I did”, Youngjae can't take how they're awkwardly standing around the room. It is very small and there's no visitor's chair. So he walks past Jaebum and hops on the desk. His feet are dangling down and because he feels stuffed he loosens his tie and takes off his jacket, dropping it behind himself on the desk. It is a childish behavior, but it sends a message.

'There's still the Youngjae you know behind the suit.'

 

“I've actually finished it last year and got a job back at home. But the pay is sucky and the countryside is driving me nuts. So I decided to look for a job in the city.” Youngjae smiles while he speaks about his life. It is a long time span that he needs to cover. Usually he only needed to tell Jaebum about a day or two. But nonetheless. Talking about what they were up to has ever been the fundament of their relationship. “I'm planning to move to Seoul.”

 

“ _How was your day?”, Youngjae asked when Jaebum climbed over the back of the sofa and slumped down next to him with an exhausted sigh. He could have just walked around and sat down like a sane person. But he was a show-off and never did anything the normal way.  
“Annoying!” he answered in a dramatic yell. “I hate studying. I'd rather just go get a job. At least I'd get paid for wasting my time.” Youngjae giggled. He was excited to get out of school and enter university, but if you believed Jaebum that place was hell on earth._

 

“ _It was a really bad idea of me to promise that I would study and could get a well-paying job.” Jaebum complained and Youngjae hummed in response. There was a moment of tension between them, so Youngjae stared at the TV-screen that was playing a variety-show he didn't care about. “Sorry”, Jaebum mumbled apologetic and took Youngjae's right hand into his own. Their fingers locked and Jaebum squeezed it tightly._

 

_They talked about anything. Youngjae told about his teachers and his friends, Jaebum about his professors and the cafeteria food. And they talked about the TV-program and Jaebum stroked the back of his hand with his thumb. And they sunk into the sofa and moved closer in the process until they were lined up side by side and Youngjae's head fell on his shoulder. He was utterly comfortable. “I really can't wait to finish studying”, Jaebum said at one point with a yawn. He said it because he disliked studying, but Youngjae couldn't help to hear something else from his words._

 

“ _So you will get a job far away. And move to your own apartment. Somewhere in the city.” he said, with enough of a judging sound in his voice to startle Jaebum. He should've answered something. But he didn't. He knew there was nothing he could say that could soothe Youngjae. So they decided to watch TV in silence until they had to part ways when they went to sleep._

 

“It's really been a long time”, Jaebum mutters and awkwardly steps over to sit down on his chair. Youngjae laughs. It is forced but he makes it sound as natural as he can. “What about you, do you like working here?” Youngjae is relieved that Jaebum picks up on the attempt of casual talking. “Yeah it's nice. The work is interesting and the colleagues are friendly. Seems like studying hard paid off in the end.” Jaebum finally manages a smile.

And Youngjae's world comes crashing down. He can't believe just how pretty Jaebum still looks when he is smiling. He still looks like a little boy.

 

“Are you going to live on your own here?” Jaebum is testing the waters and he is not subtle about it. Youngjae shakes his head. “I'm planning to move in with Jinyoung-Hyung.”

“Who?!” he can see Jaebum's fingers tense over the armrests. The question came really fast and it evokes a strange feeling inside him. Relief with a portion of fondness. Youngjae plays unaffected “He's a senior from university. He took care of me and helped me when other people were bothering me. He can be very intimidating when he stares people down. You two would get along well.”

 

The weird feeling gets stronger while he observes how Jaebum's eyes squint. “Sounds like a nice guy.” There's nothing true about that statement, but Jaebum didn't even try. “I am gladly living alone and it would probably work out for you as well.”

“Hmmmh wouldn't it be safer to be living with someone else.” Youngjae contemplates verbally, feigning innocent. “Plus, I don't know but I think I'd be lonely. Aren't you?” Testing the waters, he can do that too.

Jaebum doesn't answer. Youngjae looks at his face and Jaebum looks back at him. His eyes are thoughtful. Youngjae loves how he looks when he's thinking deeply over something, even though he has no idea what he's thinking about.

They sit in silence for a while and as Youngjae takes in the sight of his Hyung, that he hasn't seen in forever, his Hyung that once was the most important person in his life. He searches for the strange feeling of fondness and affection inside him that he felt earlier and he realizes what it is.

It's butterflies.

 

He felt them when he first laid eyes on Jaebum. When Youngjae walked through the door after a long evening of studying and everyone was sitting at the dinner table and Jaebum stood up to greet him and introduce himself.

He felt them when Jaebum directed his attention towards him. When he spoke to him, asked him about school or what Idol he liked.

He felt them when he was alone with Jaebum and they attempted to bake a cake for Noonas birthday. When they were making a mess and were laughing and Jaebum's eyes creased and his white teeth showed.

He felt them when Jaebum was lost in his thoughts and lowly sang a cheesy pop song to himself.

He felt them when Jaebum thought he was alone and Youngjae spied on him through the crack of the door, hand down his sweatpants.

He felt them the first time Jaebum wrapped an arm around his shoulder and half-hugged him in a bro-manner.

He felt them when Jaebum first really hugged him, when he put his arms around Youngjae's waist and held him close. When Youngjae had managed to make the small rock bounce on the water surface three whole times before sinking and he hopped around in joy and yelled and jumped right into Jaebum's arms.

He felt them when Jaebum pressed his face against his neck and his hot breath hit his skin and made him shiver.

 

And he felt them when he handed Jaebum the leather bracelet that was a gift and had a note attached that read “I am in love with you.” Because Youngjae couldn't say it.

 

And he felt them when he pretended to have fallen asleep on the sofa so Jaebum would scoop him into his strong arms and carry him to bed and Jaebum let him slide on the mattress and whispered “I love you” in his ear.

 

 

Youngjae searches Jaebum's bare arms for the bracelet, but it isn't there.  
“How is your family?” Jaebum breaks the silence and Youngjae's head snaps back to look in his eyes. “Are you serious?”, he spits out, forgetting himself for a moment. Jaebum's face shows surprise. He straightens his back, sitting on the edge of his chair. Youngjae softens. It makes sense that he asks. He must be genuinely worried.

“They’re fine” he answers, trying to get his voice back to normal. “We're fine.”

“Have you ever...” Jaebum is nervous and it is understandable. This is not testing the waters anymore. This is getting undressed and taking a deep breath, ready to jump.

 

“Told the truth?” Youngjae finishes. “No.”

 

“ _Youngjae, are you okay?” his mum asked and stopped washing the dishes for a moment. Youngjae snapped out of his daydream and looked up. “What?” he asked, twisting the towel in his hands and remembered what he was doing._

“ _If you're okay?” mum repeated and set a cleaned plate down. Youngjae took it and dried it off. “Yeah, I... I'm... yeah. Fine.” His mum shook her head. “You aren't. I can see right through you. You're my little boy!” Youngjae looked down at his hands._

“ _I'll be fine.” he insisted, “Just... not now, but... It's okay.”_

“ _I know you're sad about how everything ended up. I get it. ” his mum said softly. No she didn't. “But it's okay. These things happen.” No, they don't._

_It was Youngjae's turn to shake his head. Things like that shouldn't happen. And nothing would be fine. Ever._

_And never will he be able to tell her the truth._

_And he didn't think that his broken heart would ever heal._

 

_Definitely not in secrecy._

 

There is a knock and Youngjae is pulled back into the present. “Come in”, Jaebum voices hoarsely towards the door. It's CEO Kang. He enters and frowns as he sees Youngjae sitting on the desk like he is at home. Youngjae feels a blush rise on his cheeks in embarrassment and tries to slide down as elegant as he can. He fails miserably, stumbling a little and bows deeply, apologizing. CEO Kang has a work-related issue to go over with Jaebum. “How would you explain this?”, he asks, gesturing towards Youngjae who is hastily trying to put his jacket back on.

“I'm sorry”, Jaebum bows as well, “we've know each other and after meeting accidentally... we were doing some catching up.”

“I would appreciate it if you did that in your free-time, I'm paying you to be here right now.” CEO Kang does not sound genuinely mad, but Youngjae doesn't want to rely on that assumption. He bows himself out the door with more apologies.

 

He is halfway down the corridor in small, insecure steps when he hears a door slam and someone runs after him. Jaebum grabs his arm in a tight grip before Youngjae has the chance to fully turn around. “Two hours”, he gasps, sounding exceptionally out of breath, “I will be off in two hours, please wait.” Youngjae hesitates. He wants to. There's nothing in the world he wants more right now than to wait for Jaebum. “I need to get my train...”

“Don't go back”, Jaebum demands, “Don't go back today. Stay.” Youngjae looks into his pleading eyes and melts. He is ready for the jump. He nods carefully.

“I'll be waiting in the coffee shop across the street.” He says. Jaebum nods eager and fumbles with his pocket. He pulls his wallet out and Youngjae almost gets a heart-attack. “I swear, if you're going to give me money I will... “ Jaebum's mouth falls open over the outbreak. His wallet is in his left hand and in his right he holds a yellow and blue card between two fingers, halfway taken out of its pocket. “I..It's a store card for discounts” he stammers, pulling it out the rest of the way and handing it Youngjae, whose ears get warm.

 

Jaebum had tried, a few times, to slip him some pocket money. It gave him a nauseating feeling and eventually he had asked Jaebum in his coldest possible tone whether Jaebum was trying to pay him for something, or whether he thought Youngjae was a child. That had been the end of those attempts.

No matter how well-practiced his acting was, Youngjae had to admit at least to himself, he was not free of the past.

 

He accepts the card with a vivid blush on his face, but refuses to look at Jaebum while doing so, turns around and walks away with a “See you later.”

 


	2. Second chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a litte shorter. I really tried writing equally length chapters, but it just doesn't make sense chaptering differently.
> 
> Little notes:  
> I tagged the Age gap, not because it is sepctacularly large, but because it is more than from their real age.  
> I'm not specifying on purpose, so you can make your own guesses ^__^
> 
> And of course you will find out what their relationship used to be :)

It's been only 50 minutes and Youngjae is a wreck. He did everything he could think of. He texted into the family chat that he would be staying in Seoul for one night. They think he plans to have a fun night out, drinking with friends. His parents tell him to be safe, his sister teases him to not spend so much on drinks as he is currently jobless.

He also texts Jinyoung to check if he would be home so Youngjae could come to his place. _Just in case._

He checks himself in the bathroom mirror and fixes his hair and gets a weird look from another man when he contemplates how many buttons of his dress shirt he can open to look cool.

He orders his second coffee and a sandwich to keep himself busy.

Then he is sitting there, tapping his foot, checking the time about every 10 seconds and probably bothering other customers. With his mind not occupied enough, it wanders back to Jaebum.

 

Jaebum who lives alone. Jaebum who asks about Jinyoung, just because he heard that name the first time. Jaebum who is handsome. Jaebum who was rendered speechless just from seeing Youngjae's face. Jaebum who asked about his family. Jaebum who pleaded him to stay...

 

Youngjae doesn't know what's going to happen. He has a mild idea of the things that he wants to happen. Not actual formulated thoughts. More like a low-key feeling, a vision, blurry.

 

He plays a game on his phone until it runs out of battery, because he's done that the whole time on the train and the time he spent waiting. He reads a magazine that's lying around on one of the tables. The words blur before his eyes.

 

_Youngjae rubbed his eyes. He was tired and was also about to cry, but he had to keep it in. “Is it true?” he asked, choking on the words. He looked to his right where Jaebum sat, staring into the darkness. The park was hardly illuminated and void of any people. He would have never come to a place like this alone. Jaebum nodded, without looking back at him._

“ _And you couldn't tell me first?” Youngjae was upset and he made him hear it. Jaebum answered with a troubled sigh. “I am sorry you had to hear it like that, but... I didn't know how...”_

 

“ _Is it because of me?!” Youngjae didn't care much that he sounded childish. Jaebum finally turned his head to look at him. “Of course it is because of you.” A lonely tear rolled down his face and Youngjae furiously rubbed it away. “What does that mean?”, he asked, sulking._

“ _I'm leaving.” Jaebum stated, blunt, monotone. “When?” Youngjae sniffed. Loudly._

_Jaebum scooted closer. Just enough so that he could place his hand on his head, soothing. “Tomorrow.” his voice was hardly more than a whisper. “No...” Youngjae sobbed. He buried his face in his hands. “Why?”_

 

“ _Youngjae...” Jaebum wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into a hug, placing Youngjae's head against his chest. “I'm sorry. I am so sorry. Please don't cry. I don't want to make you cry, I just... cannot stay, right?” He sounded anything but collected, but for once it was Youngjae who was losing his cool. “Don't leave me”, he pleaded against the broad chest._

“ _Don't leave me.”_

 

_Jaebum didn't answer. He patted his back and his hair. “That means...” Youngjae lifted his head so they were face to face now. “We can do it now, right?” He stared into Jaebum's eyes, his own swollen from crying and his vision blurred. Jaebum's jaw tensed. “That would be a bad idea”, he muttered and Youngjae grabbed the collar of his shirt. “You’re running away anyways. Now we can...” Jaebum turned his head away, looking into the darkness once more. “I can't just now... It would be just as wrong.”_

 

_Youngjae hit his chest. “I hate you” he yelled, got up from the bench and ran all the way back to the house, locking himself into his room. He climbed under his blanket, buried his face and cried like he last had when he'd been a toddler. And when his wails toned down for a moment he could hear Noona in the other room do the same._

 

“Youngjae-ah” he is startled so the magazine slides off his lap. A hand is on his shoulder. He turns his head to find Jaebum looking down on him. “Thank you for waiting.” Youngjae hastily picks up the magazine and scrambles to his feet.

“Sure”, he says and absolutely unintentionally drives a hand through his hair. Jaebum notices it visibly, answering it with a tiny, hardly visible smirk. “So, uhm...” Jaebum is fidgeting with his hands and it is adorable. “You want to... come home with... I mean, uh, hang at my place?” Youngjae wonders if that could've sounded any more suggestive and he just nods with a hum. Jaebum makes a 'follow me' gesture with his head and walks towards the door. Youngjae stumbles after him, almost forgetting his bag and quickly snatches it off the floor, hastily running after Jaebum who is already out the door.

 

As they walk Youngjae catches up to him, so they're next to each other. It feels awkward and he has the sudden urge to hold Jaebum's hand. They used to do that when it was just the two of them. He doesn't know where they're going, he's occupied with monitoring Jaebum from the corner of his eye.

 

They end up in the parking lot and Jaebum leads him to his car. It's a nice one. Youngjae makes an amazed sound. “You must be earning well, Hyung” he states while getting in. Jaebum slides onto the driver's seat with a proud grin. He's still a show-off, Youngjae thinks, and it is still adorable. “Buckle up”, he commands because Youngjae was too busy staring.

 

“You got your driver's license?”, Jaebum wants to know, steering the car out onto the street. “Yeah”, Youngjae nods, “First try, I am a natural.” When Jaebum glances at him, scoffing, Youngjae winks, tapping the tip of his tongue against his front teeth. Jaebum's eyes snap back onto the street. Youngjae isn't sure whether it is in embarrassment, because he mocked him for failing the test once.... but a slight blush creeps onto Jaebum's cheeks.

Youngjae feels the affection roar in his chest.

And something else. He's wondering if Jaebum feels that. It is just hardly there. Tension.

 

_Youngjae's mind was fuzzy. He was feeling kind of light. Happy. A shiver ran through his whole body as hot lips pressed to the side of his neck. Youngjae's head fell to the side, giving more space. He wasn't actively doing it, it just happened. He sighed, a hand snuck between his legs. Jaebum shamelessly massaged the inside of his thighs. Youngjae's muscles tensed. It felt so good._

“ _God Youngjae, I want you so much” Jaebum groaned in his ear, hoarse._

_Youngjae shuddered. Why was he so cloudy? Something was off, but he wanted Jaebum to take him so much. His body was hot, the touch burning his skin._

_Jaebum licked the skin behind his ear and Youngjae shuddered in arousal and anticipation._

 

_Something told him this wasn't okay. “Wait a second”, he whispered, soundless, but Jaebum didn't budge. “I... I feel strange, Hyung I...” his head was spinning, but it wasn't just the heat of sexual tension. He grabbed Jaebum's hair and pulled him off of his neck. “Ow!” Jaebum exclaimed, letting go of him._

_He hadn't been gentle, grabbing a fistful of his strands and he turned his body, to look at him. Jaebum's eyes were shining and his lips parted. He was breathing hard, chest heaving._

 

_Youngjae stared into his hazy eyes. “Did you make me drunk, Hyung?!” he wanted to know, voice menacingly low. Jaebum averted his eyes, fleeing Youngjae's gaze and it was enough of an answer._

_Youngjae pushed his head away, angry and jumped to his feet. “You did not...” his voice was shaking in anger and disappointment._

“ _Youngjae-ah...” Jaebum weakly mumbled, “I didn't... I just wanted...” He broke off, visibly ashamed, but Youngjae wasn't having any of that. He lifted his arm and slapped him right across the face._

“ _Don't you fucking dare!” he spat. “I'm telling you, Im Jaebum. This one last time. I will not, I repeat, I will not have sex with you. EVER. You piece of shit.” Jaebum dropped his head, holding his hurting cheek, whimpering. “Man up, for fucks sake!”_

_Jaebum sobbed. “I'm sorry... I won't... I never planned to like you.”_

“ _Don't show before my eyes” Youngjae threatened and left._

 

The drive isn't very long and it passes mostly in silence. Youngjae looks out the window and tries hard to feel comfortable. When Jaebum pulls over to drive into a parking garage, Youngjae gets a glimpse of the large apartment building above. It looks quite fancy. “You must be earning well.” Youngjae mutters again.

Jaebum's laugh is short. “Usually I do. I get bonusses for working diligently. Most of the time at least.” Youngjae takes the hint. “Oh god, I didn't get you in trouble did I Hyung?” he asks, suddenly remembering how he got caught slacking off.

Jaebum laughs. A little more open and a little longer and it feels warm. “No, don't worry. Sunbae isn't as strict as he pretends to be. And he likes me, so he'll let it slide.” Youngjae can't help the sour expression that creeps on his face so he turns his head away and glances around the garage instead. Most of the cars are not as expensive as Jaebum's.

 

“Though...” Jaebum keeps going as they wait for the elevator. “I'm afraid it did harm the impression you left.” “It's okay”, Youngjae grins, stepping into the elevator when the door opens with a ping.

 

After Jaebum pressed the button for the 5 th  floor he studies the profile of Youngjae's face through the mirror that covers all three walls. Youngjae doesn't like elevators. They make him feel stuffed and his head dizzy. Jaebum knew that.

 

And he still does. Because he puts a hand on his shoulder. It's a soothing touch, but not too much physical contact.

Youngjae smiles at him, but Jaebum doesn't answer it. He looks as if he doesn't really see him. As if he is in his own world, his jaw clenched in the way it does when he is angry.

 

They get off and the hand slides off his shoulder. Jaebum fumbles with the keypad's numbers  for a while after they stopped in front of a door. It looks just like all the others and there are many more door on the floor than Youngjae expected. The apartment must be smaller than he thought.

It really isn't very large. Jabum steps in first after the lock beeps open and Youngjae follows. It is bright and clean and modern. All neat, straight lines and decent colors and just enough personal belongings scattered on the shelves and walls that it feels homey. They step right into the living room and the kitchen is attached to it, small dining table splitting the room. There's a sofa and a flat screen TV and a large refrigerator.

Youngjae looks around shamelessly. There are only two doors going off at the other end. A bedroom and the bathroom he assumes but the doors are closed.

 

It is nice. Youngjae sees that one end of the living room wall has picture frames hanging and standing on the shelf with photos on them. He's itching to go and look at them, but he doesn't know if that would be prying too much.

“I like it” he says eventually, turning around to find Jaebum who already took off his shoes and jacket and hung his keys. Youngjae hastily kicks off his shoes to really come inside. His view automatically gets drawn to the sofa. So far he's only seen its back. Now he finds a cute stuffed animal sitting in the one corner.

It's an otter.

 

Youngjae's mouth stretches into a wide smile as he looks at it. He can remember very well Jaebum hearing Noona use that pet name on him for the first time. He nearly rolled off his chair laughing and he used it later, when there was just the two of them and it had Youngjae swooning.

 

“Youngjae...” he hears him say and attempts to turn around, but before he has the chance to do so on his own he gets thrown around by a fierce grip on his upper arm and his back collides painfully with the living room wall. Youngjae mildly yells out in surprise and pain and finds himself facing Jaebum, who is just centimeters away, tsundere-ing him against the wall. The curse he is about to spit out gets caught in his throat when his own find Jaebum's hungry eyes.

He's doing nothing more than staring him down and breathing hard and it has Youngjae's face heat up. “Hyung...” he breathes out, a shiver running down his body.

“Don't tell me-” Jaebum's voice is a growl, dark and dangerous “-that this is not the reason you came to my place.”

 

Youngjae can't answer that, because he doesn't know. He has no idea why he is here and he was low-key hoping that Jaebum was going to make that decision for him. Just him being so close has his body heating up and his skin tingling. Even though he is not even close enough to touch him except for where he's still holding his arm in a tight grip. And Youngjae thinks that this is just the scratch line for all the dirty fantasies he's ever had. He told himself he was ready to jump.

This is the jump, isn't it?

 

He takes a shaky breath, lifting his hand to dig it into the front of Jaebum's T-Shirt. Jaebum glances at it, then pierces his eyes again. Youngjae does think of himself that he has mastered his “Fuck me” face, but Jaebum doesn't budge. He seems to be waiting for Youngjae verbally voicing his approval.

Instead, Youngjae leans forward ever so slowly, until their lips meet. It is chaste, the way he drags his lips over Jaebum's. It is the furthest they have ever gone in kissing and Jaebum doesn't deepen it. He merely responds, tilting his head slightly and moving his lips against.

It is Youngjae to bring his tongue into the game, prying Jaebum's lips open to invite his tongue to play. As they meet, a jolt of pleasure shoots through him. It is the best kiss he's ever had and it gets just better. Jaebum's tongue is strong and hot and responds eagerly and it tastes like heaven itself. Youngjae loses himself in the kiss, deepening it until he is breathing hard and still getting dizzy from the lack of oxygen.

Jaebum doesn't move a bit, but he kisses back just as eager. Youngjae's bottom lip gets stuck between his teeth and he can just so manage not to moan into the kiss over the sensation. He's getting hard, just from kissing those heavenly lips and he wants to feel that tongue all over his body.

 

Youngjae finally pulls away. Jaebum's lips are swollen and glistening with spit and his eyes are half-lidded. Youngjae wonders how he's keeping back.

It's stupid and Youngjae knows it. It would be much saner to figure out where they stand first and keep the screwing for later. But then again, does he know that they still will after they're done figuring? Apparently they both really want it. And haven't they waited long enough?

 

He leans forward again and Jaebum immediately attempts to capture his mouth in another kiss, but Youngjae dismisses it and brings his lips to his ear. He's so close, his bottom lip grazes his earlobe as he speaks. “Do you want me, Hyung?” Jaebum shudders in response. He audibly sucks in his breath through clenched teeth and in a swift motion he removes Youngjae's grip from his Shirt by grabbing him by the wrists and pinning them both against the wall. Youngjae's back collides with the hard surface once more. The excitement has his hips jerk forward. Jaebum's face says “I want to devour you whole.”

His growling voice says simply “Yes.”

 

Youngjae licks his lips once.

“Have me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cut here.  
> But next time it's gonna get steamy <3


	3. Seductive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there's not so much story in this. I admit it.

Their bodies collide. Jaebum lounges forward crashing their lips together and his whole body forces Youngjae against the wall. The kiss is heated, deep, their fronts pressed together by Jaebum's strength. Youngjae loses himself in the passionate play of lips and tongue. Jaebum breaks away, just enough for a few shaky breaths and then he kisses him again.

 

Youngjae knows Jaebum by heart. Knows his face, knows his voice, knows his moods. He knows how he looks when he is sad and he knows he sounds when he his amused. He knows what music Jaebum likes and what food he hates. He knows how Jaebum smells when he didn't shower and he knows how to make him laugh.

 

But this is new. And it is exciting. He wants all of it.

 

Jaebum keeps kissing him as if his life depends on it. And it is hot. Youngjae's wrists are still trapped in his grip. The hot, wet tongue sends a shiver of arousal through his body. He shoves his hips forward, grinding them against Jaebum and he breaks away from his mouth with a groan.

He's still so close, Youngjae can feel his breath and their lips are almost touching but eventually he lets go of Youngjae's hands and grabs his waist instead. Youngjae lets his freed fingers wander up his arms, feeling the muscles flex underneath the skin.

 

Jaebum is not done kissing him, but as he crashes their mouths together again, he also pulls Youngjae’s lower body against his own, their crotches being pressed together. Youngjae moans into the kiss and slings his arms around his neck. Jaebum grinds his hips against him. Youngjae is hard by now and from what he can feel against his body… Jaebum is too.

They keep kissing, but more often than not, their tongue play is interrupted by either of them letting out pleasured sounds or trying to catch their breath.

 

Jaebum has enough of that. He eventually detaches his own from Youngjae’s lips and places them on his jaw instead. Youngjae’s head falls back against the wall in anticipation. His hands glide erratically over his shoulders and chest as Jaebum starts kissing his neck. He presses open mouthed kisses on his skin and lets his tongue slide along his throat and towards his ears. Youngjae doesn’t stop himself from moaning in pleasure, rutting his crotch up against Jaebum, who in return has his teeth graze over the shell of his ear and the sensitive skin below it.

 

The hot breath and wet tongue feel so damn good. Youngjae can’t get enough of it. Especially when Jaebum gets his hands to work as well. He shoves them under his shirt and strokes up his back and back down his sides. It’s not exactly gentle or sweet. It’s hot.

Everything Jaebum does is agitated, heated and passionate. Youngjae can feel the time. The time they both have been waiting. The time that had left them with one very primitive desire.

_Need_ .

Jaebum gropes him, sucks his skin between his lips furiously, probably leaving bruises. Youngjae is close to coming in his pants already, panting and moaning. Jaebum’s hands are everywhere on his back and chest until he eventually finds Youngjae’s sensitive spot.

He moans desperately as Jaebum’s raw fingertips find his nipple, toying with it immediately. His hips buck. Jaebum’s teeth bury into his shoulder from the sudden pressure at his crotch and Youngjae keens. His nails dig into Jaebum’s back as he pulls him close, grinding his hips harder. Jaebum licks his skin, groans into his ear and teases his nipples.

 

It’s stupid, Youngjae knows that. They should take their time, do it right. But it’s so good. He’s been craving that body. Dreaming of that body. Jerking off while fantasizing about Jaebum’s hands on him, his lips. And that fucking tongue that just won’t stop massaging his skin, leaving wet trails all over his neck and behind his ears.

 

Youngjae can’t stand it. He wraps one leg around Jaebum’s hips, pulling him even closer. Jaebum, in response, sucks and bites at his neck even more furious. Youngjae takes all his strength to stem himself against the wall and lifts his other leg off the ground. Jaebum doesn’t even sway. He pushes Youngjae’s body against the wall, pinning him between the hard surface and his body. Youngjae can’t even fathom how it would feel if they were nude, instead of grinding their fully clothed erections against one another. But they don’t have time for that.

 

They will. They will do all, Youngjae will take that cock up his butt where it should be, but right now he just needs to get off.

They both groan, Youngjae moves his hips as good as he can, unprecise, erratic. Jaebum’s fingertips pinch his sensitive nubs, his mouth stopped moving, placed against one bruised spot at his neck and he’s just breathing against it, hard and heaving.

He messily grinds his body into Youngjae and he can feel it building up. The pressure in his abdomen growing, his body heated and ready.

“Hyung…” he forces out and Jaebum answers with a growl and a “Yes… Yes…”

 

Youngjae comes with a raw moan, Jaebum with a curse. But they both fall over the edge at the same time, staining their underwear and clutching to each other’s bodies, fingertips digging into flesh and heavy breaths hitting the other’s skin.

 

 

Youngjae’s hips are still twitching when he comes down from his high and his legs slide down from Jaebum on their own. Before his feet hit the ground, Jaebum, arms wrapped around him, squats down to his knees and gently places him on the floor before collapsing into him. He comes to sit between Youngjae’s stretched out legs, knees pointing out side ways and his face flops against his chest.

 

They take a while to catch their breath. It soon becomes uncomfortable with the wet sticky mess in his pants and Youngjae squirms a little.

“Youngjae-ah…” Jaebum murmurs, lifting his head to face him, but he gets shut off. Placing a finger over his lips Youngjae shakes his head and whispers “Not yet… Not before we’re done, okay?”

Jaebum nods mechanically, eyes wide.

 

“Don’t give me that look” Youngjae smiles and gently slides his fingers through his hair, “I’m insatiable.” Jaebum, still breathing hard from the last high properly sits up in his knees. His predatory gaze, the animalistic want in his eyes are gone. He looks soft, hair tousled, lips plush and red. He’s fucking gorgeous.

He cradles Youngjae’s head in both hands and leans in to kiss him softly.

 

Youngjae takes it onto himself to pull his tie off and even opens the remaining buttons of his shirt. Now, after cooling down the clothes stick damp to his skin. He hadn’t realized how much he must’ve been sweating. When Jaebum notices, he helps to slide the shirt off his shoulders and detaches their mouths to pull his own T-Shirt over his head.

 

He looks like a fucking underwear-model with his chest exposed. Youngjae stretches out both arms to slide his hands over the skin, feeling his abs that are too toned for an office worker.

“You’re a total catch” Youngjae murmurs and he sees Jaebum smile. Somewhere in the middle between amused and happy and it is so, so familiar that he cannot not kiss him again.

While they kiss, Jaebum keeps working on the task at hand, blindly opening Youngjae’s pants, but because he’s sitting he can’t take it off. So he does that with his own. He’s not blunt enough, leaves his boxers on for now, so Youngjae reaches out for him again, fingertips ghosting along his six pack and hooks his index into the waistband. Jaebum’s underwear is as wet as his own feels.

He pulls it down, exposing his flaccid cock and it is  _perfect_ . Jaebum gasps when he tests how it feels in his hand, probably still sensitive. He lets go, lifts himself up and pulls his own pants down, shuffling them off his legs. It’s a relief, finally being freed.

 

Jaebum gets a hold of him and turns them away from the wall, enough to slide Youngjae to the floor. He lets himself be handled, lying back on the carpet and opening his legs for Jaebum to sit in between. He does see the glint in his eyes and he likes it. He wants that Jaebum back, needs that Jaebum. The one that isn’t able to control himself. The one that wants to own him. Youngjae licks his lips in anticipation, reaches his hand out to get a hold on Jaebum somewhere. He leans down, presses his lips on his throat once more, kissing and mouthing.

But he has a mission this time around. He has his tongue wander downwards and find his nipple quickly. Youngjae rewards him with a moan. His fingers curl in Jaebum’s hair. There’s a tingling sensation wandering between his legs. Jaebum teases him, expertly, with his tongue and lips. And it is just as exciting as Youngjae imagined, wet and hot as he suckles the nub into his mouth and teases it with the tip of his tongue that is sticky and strong and he gasps in pleasure.

 

He pulls his knees up, slinging his legs around Jaebum’s body. Jaebum starts groping him, strokes down his sides and gets a hold of his thighs. He massages them, squeezes, feels Youngjae’s skin and flesh and Youngjae’s eyes fall shut. He’s already heating up again, cock twitching. His skin is sensitive, expecting. Jaebum’s hands are all over him, touching him wherever they can reach without his lips having to leave his nipples.

 

Youngjae is impatient. He gets a hold of one of Jaebum’s hands, brings it to his own lips and wraps them around the index finger. Jaebum’s head snaps up with a gasp. Shameless he looks into his eyes as he sucks the finger all the way into his mouth and he can see Jaebum’s eyes darken, pupils dilating. Youngjae plays his tongue around the finger while keeping the wrist in a death grip. He makes an approving sound and closes his eyes in pleasure. It’s a little bit of a show, but as long as it works…

He doesn’t look at Jaebum again when he opens his mouth and puts his tongue out just a little. The spit slicked finger is heavy on his tongue. Jaebum is hooked. He puts his middle finger next to it and probably watches closely when Youngjae closes his lips around both. He uses a lot of saliva, wetting them, sucking hard on them. It’s salty from their sweat, but he doesn’t care. His grip on Jaebum’s arm loosens and eventually falls, but he doesn’t retrieve his hand, so that’s a victory.

He uses the newfound freedom of his hands to take on Jaebum’s neglected task of teasing his own nipples, getting a groan stuck in his throat.

Yes, Youngjae is selfish. Looking out for his own pleasure. He likes to be spoiled.

 

Jaebum is gasping. His other hand, stuck in place on the back of Youngjae’s thigh, just beneath the curve of his butt, clenches. His fingers dig into the flesh and Youngjae moans around the ones in his mouth again.

“Fuck” Jaebum groans and Youngjae nods rapidly. He only opens his eyes when Jaebum pulls his hand back, slicked up fingers slipping out between his lips. Jaebum’s gaze is heated, eyes clouded with want and Youngjae relishes under it, moaning sensually, spreading his legs further and stretching is arms up over his head, drawing out his body.

He loves the way Jaebum looks, heated and wanting and loves the way he looks at him, like he is the incarnation of everything he ever dreamed of. It makes him feel wanted and admired.

 

Jaebum does not even take a glimpse to where he puts his hand, bringing it between Youngjae’s legs blindly. He keeps staring, studying his face as his fingertips press shamelessly at his rim. “Ah, yes…” It’s not a show this time, the words slip past Youngjae’s lips unintentionally.

 

“Damn, Youngjae…” Jaebum mutters raspy, while he pushes both his fingers through his entrance. “Damn, yes…” Youngjae answers, voice strained. It feels so fucking good. In case it was something to question, he is hard again. He can feel his muscles twitch around the intruders, his eyes shut on their own, no matter how much he wants to look at Jaebum. He bottoms out in one go, knuckles coming to a stop at his rim. Youngjae is panting and licking his lips, pleasure flowing through him.

 

Jaebum fingers him gently. He slides them out and in again slowly, dragging them past his muscle ring until Youngjae is grumbling and squirming his hips. Hot breath hits his face and then Jaebum’s lips are on his own again and he kisses him deep and passionate, ravaging his mouth.

And he swallows Youngjae’s cry of pleasure, when he pulls his fingers back and thrusts them into his body just right, grazing his sweet spot.

 

It’s not enough and has Youngjae’s bottom squirming. He pants when Jaebum breaks the kiss and his body tenses erratically as he thrusts his fingers again and then again. He crouches down so he can wrap his lips around his nipples once again. Youngjae’s head falls back and he moans shamelessly, meeting Jaebum’s hand by moving his hips against him, taking his fingers with pleasure. He mutters encouraging words, half choked. Jaebum’s tongue slides down his stomach, follows his hipbone and Youngjae has no time to grasp it when it already is on his length, licking a wet stripe all the way to his tip.

He cries out, hips bucking and he can’t form a coherent word while Jaebum’s lips cover his tip and he sucks him into his mouth. It’s hot. It’s so so hot and wet and it feels heavenly. He doesn’t stop moving his fingers, in and out and only occasionally stops, flexing and crooking them. Youngjae knows his moans sound desperate, but he doesn’t care. It’s too good. And it’s too much.

 

“Hyung…” he stutters, “Stop, please… Stop!” he yanks at Jaebum’s hair, trying to pull him off his length with a whine. His cock slides out his mouth with an obscene sound and Jaebum looks up at him. Youngjae glances down, eyes hazed, vision blurry, but still he sees how sexy it looks, Jaebum nestled between his legs, lips wet and sweat plastering strands of hair to his face. He still doesn’t stop fucking him with his fingers when he asks, “Why?” with a coarse voice.

“God… Hyung… I’ll come. Please.” Youngjae just so manages to voice.

“And how is that bad?”, Jaebum inquires, crooking his fingers and grazing his prostate again straining Youngjae’s voice.

 

“Please Hyung” he begs, shameless, “I don’t want… Just… Fuck me!” Jaebum comes back up to face him, fingers stilling inside. He looks tortured, wanting. “It’s okay” he murmurs, “I can’t… We can’t do that right now. It’s okay… You can come… I want you to.”

 

Youngjae pushes at his shoulders, struggles backwards, just enough so Jaebum’s fingers slide out of him. “What??” he asks, chest heaving, “Are you crazy?! What do you mean?” He’s shivering, staring up at Jaebum in disbelieve. “I’m sorry, Youngjae-ah” he mutters, head dropping, “I wasn’t prepared for…. A visit of this kind so I kinda… I don’t have anything here like… preps…”

 

Youngjae snorts at that but relief floods his stomach that had tightened painfully. “Hyung…” he whimpers, “You stupid idiot. I thought you didn’t want me…” Jaebum’s head snaps back up and he looks at him closely. “Of course not!” He kisses him, short and breathless, “I want you so bad, Youngjae-ah….”

Youngjae wraps his legs around him tightly. “Then please take me!” he orders. When Jaebum groans and attempts to speak “I don’t wanna hurt…” Youngjae cuts him off by clashing their crotches and lips together. “I can take it…” he mumbles against the wet lips. He isn’t sure how longer he can wait. He’s painfully hard, unsatisfied, and hungry. There’s a hint of doubt still in Jaebum’s eyes, but it’s almost being drowned out by the feverish need.

 

Youngjae props himself up as far as he can with one arm and nonchalantly spits in his other hand. Jaebum squints his eyes and bites his lip when Youngjae reaches between them and  _finally_ curls his fingers around the proud erection. And it feels good. For Jaebum too since he growls again and Youngjae thinks he will soon need to have that gorgeous hard cock in his mouth. Not now, though.

He lathers his saliva as evenly as he can, fighting a losing battle as Jaebum’s hips thrust into his fist. Youngjae lets himself fall back again and pulls his knees up.

 

Jaebum positions himself at Youngjae’s waiting entrance without any more resistance. The doubt has vanished. He gazes down at Youngjae with the animalistic need that he has shown before and when he finally pushes through the ring of muscles they both moan audibly. Youngjae has his nails dig into Jaebum’s shoulders unapologetic and throws his head back. Jaebum is so big, stretching him open perfectly and wiping out the rest of the world around them.

Jaebum is groaning, gasping while he slowly digs deeper. Youngjae lets pleasured sounds spill over his lips constantly. He has no shame to show how much he fucking loves it to get that cock shoved up his flush ass.

 

Jaebum halts and pulls back a little. He needs the extra strength to get deeper, thrusts forward with more force. Youngjae keens. He feels his hole tense and clench around him. It hurts so good to be filled and to be claimed. Youngjae doesn’t force the needy whine he emits when Jaebum bottoms out eventually. He reaches so deep, prodding at his inner walls when his hips stop, pressed against his butt.

 

“You…” Jaebum groans distracted, panting at Youngjae’s ear. Youngjae doesn’t know and doesn’t care what _‘he’_ , squirming impatiently.  
Jaebum’s first few thrusts are careful, testing and they’re already driving Youngjae nuts. He relishes in the pleasure it evokes, moaning unrestrained. The stinging pain shoots straight between his legs and has his cock twitch where it’s jammed between them, because Jaebum is leaning down so much that he’s covering Youngjae’s entire body with his own.

 

“Please Hyung” he chokes out at another slow thrust into his body, “I won’t break… Please.” Jaebum’s teeth that had been grazing along the side of his neck bury into the skin. Not much, not painful, but a blissful prick. Jaebum doesn’t answer, but the next time he moves back he slams inside with more force, having Youngjae yell a content “Yes!” at the sensation.

He does it again, rolling his hips against his butt with strength, sucking at his neck at the same time, probably leaving purpl-ish marks as he does. Youngjae welcomes each and every snap of his hips, clenching his knees to Jaebum’s sides.

 

His motions are powerful but slow and it is only when Youngjae finally yells out in pure, white pleasure that he speeds up. Youngjae messily chokes out half-words and moans when Jaebum finds his sweet spot. His nails scratch over Jaebum’s skin, probably leaving bright red marks, but he doesn’t care because it feels so fucking good! Jaebum prods at his prostate with every thrust as he picks up his pace, making stars dance before his eyes.

 

Youngjae is overwhelmed. He doesn’t know where to put it, where to go with all the lust and pleasure. His body tweaks and itches, his mind his cloudy from want. No matter how many red stripes he leaves on his shoulders, no matter how far his head wires back or how deeply he buries his heels in Jaebum’s back… it just won’t stop making him dizzy.

And it’s not because Jaebum is particularly good at fucking… or, well he is, pounding into him at a pace so steady it’s inhumane.

But that’s not it. It’s simply because it is _Jaebum_.

 

And Jaebum does not slow down even once. He doesn't hold back anymore at some point, when Youngjae already feels on the brink of going insane, pounding into him as if it's everything there is in the world. He's ramming his cock into Youngjae's willing body fast and strong, groaning and gasping for air. And Youngjae is a wreck. His body is tense, strung like a bow while he moans and whimpers and he would like to voice his approval but he can't form a single word, reduced to incoherent sounds of pleasure.

 

He is aching and sore by the time he feels Jaebum's motions stutter at first. The ferocious noises that make it through his clenched teeth happen more frequently. Youngjae is a whimpering mess, his body so hot as if he were on fire. He doesn't hold anything back, retorts to screaming as his orgasm approaches. Jaebum doesn't slow, even though his movements become messy, uneven.

 

One, well aimed hit at his prostate has him unravel. Youngjae comes, violently shaking and fingers clawing at Jaebum's arm and neck. He's screaming until his voice breaks, his body spasms outside of his control as his orgasm washes over him, drowning him and the world blacks out around him. He can hear Jaebum groan in the distance, can feel him still hammering into him wildly, as if it wasn't his own body that tenses while he releases between their bodies, staining them and then goes limp.

Absently he notices Jaebum coming, too. Burying himself deep in his body and spilling inside, moaning something that sounds like his name. He rides out his orgasm with a few more sharp thrusts that shake Youngjae's exhausted body and then his length slips out of him and he collapses right on top of him, knocking the air out of his lungs that he was desperately panting for.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote this chapter about 7 times. It was really hard.  
> It would always end up kind of angsty and gloomy, even though I really don't want that.  
> It was supposed to be fun and exciting, but apparently I just can't do that.  
> I can only do angry sex xD  
> You'll be rewarded with some softness next chapter for sitting through this filthy mess.


	4. Domestic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, now there's fluff AND some extra smut and also I don't know xD

The room is suddenly quiet. It's just their heavy breathing that can be heard and Youngjae's rapidly beating heart. He doesn't know if Jaebum can hear it too, but he thinks he might. He is heavy on his chest and it's hot, but Youngjae can't be bothered.

His dizziness fades slowly. That was by far the most intense orgasm he ever had. He wants to make it known, muttering “Holy fuck” under his breath. Jaebum, who has been completely limp finally stirs. “Word” he answers in a broken voice and lifts his head a notch. Their eyes meet. Youngjae feels all of it. The affection, the butterflies, the love. And it gets even better when Jaebum leans up to him and their lips meet in a kiss, so tender as if they didn't just fuck like animals.

 

That -Youngjae is pretty certain- is what happiness feels like.

When you have been wanting something so much for such a long time and finally it is yours. Like Jaebum.

His first love. His big love. His one and only love. No, he hasn’t ever loved anyone else the way he felt for Jaebum… or  _feels_ , he’s not sure. He remembers each and every time he turned him down, hurting. Turned him down because they couldn’t, because he had no right to be with Jaebum. Never turned him down because he didn’t want it just as much. Jaebum was rash, uncontrolled. Youngjae had had to be the one to say ‘No’. To stop it from happening, but he’d  _wanted_ it. He can feel them. All the moment, all the hours, all the weeks and all the years he spent, longing for Jaebum’s touch, wanting to be the one. The only one Jaebum looks at, the only one to feel him and to give himself to him.

 

And something hurts. It’s not his sore butt. Not his aching insides Jaebum has been crushing with his length. Not the heated, sluggish bitemarks at his neck. Not the carpet his naked back was rubbing over from the force of his thrusts, probably going to leave the skin sore with carpet burns for days.

 

Youngjae feels the wetness run down the side of his face before he realized that tears were dwelling in his eyes.

 

Jaebum is still busily playing with his tongue, so he doesn't notice right away. Youngjae is too spent to move much and he's just lazily kissing Jaebum back, but in between he lets out an unintended, pitiful sob.

Jaebum's head snaps up at the mismatching sound and looks down at him, eyes filled with surprise.  “Don't cry.” He states, simply.

Youngjae feels the corners of his mouth twitch, though it's not a real smile, just a shadow of such.

It's such a Jaebum-thing to say.  _“You're sad? Don't be!”_ And the words would be followed by a soft kiss. Youngjae wants that kiss.

 

But when Jaebum leans down, instead he darts his tongue out and licks at his cheeks, swiping away his tears. It's kind of gross and absolutely endearing. Youngjae chuckles and sobs at the same time.

“I'm sorry, babe” he whispers, “Did I hurt you?”

Youngjae nods without thinking first. Jaebum sucks in a sharp breath. “Oh god, I'm sorry Youngjae... I didn't mean to be so rough, just...”

“No.” Youngjae cuts him off. “That's not what I mean...”

Jaebum's face crumbles. “It's my heart... That hurts.” Youngjae squints his eyes and wills the tears away.

He feels their clock ticking. It's now or never, right? Some time later and it'll probably be too awkward.

 

“Because I love you so much.”

 

 

Jaebum huffs out a laugh. He rolls off of Youngjae finally, landing on the floor with a loud 'thud'. He lies on his back, chuckling and shaking.

 

“Youngjae-ah...” he snickers, “That was so fucking cheesy.”

Youngjae's stomach churns. With the air cooling down his damp body and Jaebum's heat having left him, he's suddenly freezing. Is Jaebum laughing at him?

He sits up, looking down at Jaebum and opens his mouth, but he grabs him by the shoulder to pull him back down. His arms wrap him in a tight hug and they awkwardly end up on their sides and Youngjae's head pressed into his chest.

 

“Fuck, Youngjae, I love you so fucking much!” Jaebum croaks. “You're so fucking cute.”

Relief floods every centimeter of his body, every tense muscle relaxing. Youngjae is wondering how he could ever doubt it. He feels fuzzy while he snuggles into Jaebum's arms. Legit his favorite place on earth.

 

It is kind of like they're having a silent agreement, Youngjae thinks the rest of the evening.

But even more so, it feels like fucking like rabbits tore the curtain of awkwardness down that hung between them.

They cuddle for a bit and it is Jaebum who finally struggles to his feet, pulling Youngjae along who is so spent that he just wants to lie down forever.

Jaebum eyes the mess they left on the carpet. Mostly it's his mess though because Youngjae left his own essentially on their stomachs. He looks Jaebum dead in the eyes and shrugs “Sorry, not sorry.” Jaebum laughs. It sounds free and wild and Youngjae feels like the teenager he was when he heard that laugh first.

 

Jaebum shows him to the bathroom. He asks a shy “Shower?” but Youngjae sees the bathtub and slumps down in it before even opening the tap. They end up bathing together. It's a little tight, but Youngjae finds it comfortable.

Jaebum spoils him. Washing his hair and scrubbing all the sweat and cum off his skin. He's gentle, when he finds the rashes on his back that the carpet left. It hurts, in the hot water, but Jaebum rinses it carefully, apologizes, kisses his neck and hair and when they're done he finds some ointment and lathers it all over his back until Youngjae is purring.

He apologizes about being rough. Several times. Until Youngjae sighs “God, Hyung, it's fine I get off on it.” That shuts him up.

 

And Jaebum finds a T-Shirt and a pair of sweatpants for Youngjae that are still a little too wide. The T-Shirts shoulder seams go down half his upper arm and he has to tie the waistband tightly to keep the pants from falling down. Jaebum calls him adorable and Youngjae loves how they smell like Jaebum's laundry detergent and he loves that they're his.

And they order a massive amount of food because they cannot agree on one thing and they set it all up on the table and dig in.

 

And they talk.

They talk about school and work and they talk about movies and music. They talk about food and friends. Jaebum tells stories about CEO Kang, when, during a business trip a year ago he was so drunk he ended up head first in an ornamental fountain and Jaebum probably saved his life by pulling him out.

And Youngjae tells a story about his friends from university (including Jinyoung) who thought it was a good idea to write a faux love letter to a girl in Youngjae's class, signed by Youngjae, who had a crush on Youngjae and would probably never let him go again, except they were caught red handed and she literally beat the shit out of them because she happened to know karate.

 

It is fun and it feels like home.

Jaebum talks about his parents and Youngjae talks about his parents. He tells about his brother who found a good job and his little sister who is a brilliant student, while he looks at Jaebum, chewing on the end of his chopsticks and Noona who is married and pregnant with her second child.

 

And Jaebum smiles at that and pets his hair.

 

But even then. Even after that. There's one thing neither of them mentions once. As if they silently agreed on it.

 

The future.

 

Jaebum digs out a second toothbrush and hands it to Youngjae. They look at each other through the bathroom mirror as they brush and shove each other away from the sink in an attempt to rinse their mouth first. They laugh and some toothpaste ends up on the mirror.

 

Jaebum's bedroom is just as neat and clean as the rest of his apartment. The bed is large and milk oak and has light blue sheets. There's a desk and a computer and a really large closet. Youngjae looks out the window and is taken aback to see that it's dark and the city lights are beaming through the night. Jaebum wraps him in a backhug and pulls him under the blanket. Youngjae rolls away, facing the wall and reaches behind him to pull Jaebum close who spoons him with a content sigh. He's holding him a little too tight for it to be comfy, but Youngjae couldn't care less.

Truth be told. He wants to stay awake. He wants to feel Jaebum's heartbeat and his breath at his neck and his strong arms wrapped around him.

He wants to relish in the feeling of warmth and comfort and  _love_ .

But the exhaustion gets a hold of him and he falls asleep so soon, he doesn't even notice.

 

 

The noise that wakes Youngjae is ridiculously annoying. He shuffles around, hand searching for his phone. Did he change his alarm? Or his ringtone?

Then the noise is cut off. The mattress moves, the sheets crumble and then there are careful steps and a door. Youngjae rolls around. It is comfortably warm and the sheets smell nice. It takes another few moments until he is fully awake.

He opens his eyes and looks at the unfamiliar room. A few lazy rays of sunlight fall in through cracks in the blends. A smile tugs on the corners of his lips as he closes his eyes again and pulls the blanket over his head.

 

There are small noises in the distance behind the leaned bedroom door. Rustling and clacking and water running. Youngjae wonders if he should better get up, but he feels soft and fuzzy in the large bed.

 

The doors creaks open. Jaebum steps over to the bed and leans over him. Peppermint breath hits his face and he feels Jaebum’s lips on his own, tender and careful. Youngjae stirs, opens his eyes and just so answers the kiss.

“You’re awake” Jaebum murmurs lowly and Youngjae nods with a big smile and shuffles around in the bed and stretches lazily without so much as lifting his head. He looks up at Jaebum with a hum.

 

“I gotta get to work” Jaebum says and sits down on the corner of the bed, reaching his hand out to slide his fingers along Youngjae’s face. He hums again, nuzzling his face into the touch. “You will…” Jaebum tries hard to keep his voice neutral, but he sounds tense nonetheless. Now there it is. What they have been avoiding all night. It’s hanging right there in the air between them, filling the room.

 

The future.

 

Even if it is just so much as the coming day, it’s in the future.

“I need to go home today” Youngjae confirms, managing a much more casual tone. It’s Jaebum’s turn to hum. Then it’s quiet, though he doesn’t stop petting Youngjae’s hair and skin.

“Hyung…” he says eventually, “Don’t worry. We will see each other again.” He lifts his hand to interlace their fingers. “Promise?” Jaebum asks and he nods with another smile. Jaebum digs through his pockets for his phone and taps around on it before shoving it in Youngjae’s face.

 

It’s a little weird. Sharing phone numbers should be something you do before you hook up. Now it feels like a One-Night-Stand gone awry. He types his number in and hands the phone back. Jaebum presses the call button, but there’s no dial tone. His brows furrow. “My battery is dead.” Youngjae defends. “Since yesterday actually. Probably someone is already worrying sick about me.”

“Fine.” Jaebum grumbles and leans down to kiss him again. “It won’t do anything but I’ll still ask you to stay one more day. You could even take the train in the evening, I will drive you.” Youngjae presses their lips together once, then mumbles against them “I can find my way to the station. I’ll come back, I promise.”

 

He doesn’t get an answer but he kisses Jaebum again, darting his tongue out for a play. He can taste how Jaebum had already brushed his teeth and knows that he in return must taste terrible. But he doesn’t really care and Jaebum even less, because he lets his body flop down fully on top of him and hungrily kisses him back. They get lost, a little. Youngjae combs his fingers through Jaebum’s hair, messing it up while he in turn slides his hands under his T-Shirt that rode up over his stomach from all the turning and stretching.

 

Somehow it turns into a heavy make-out session. Jaebum is a little hesitant though, and after a bit of groping and a lot of his tongue in Youngjae’s mouth he backs away and sits back up. “Fuck, Youngjae-ah… I have to go to work…” he breathes, ears red, eyes hazed and lips wet. “Can’t you come in a little late today?” Youngjae innocently asks and finally sits up himself, throwing a surprised Jaebum over and climbing on top of him to secure him on the bed. Jaebums gasps and gazes up in his face. “Not… much maybe… hah… half an hour if I drive fast…”

Youngjae is working his butt down on Jaebum’s crotch, feeling it getting hard already, with a dirty smirk. He enjoys seeing Jaebum unravel, lose his composure.

 

He bends down and presses one loud smack on his soft lips. Then he murmurs “30 minutes? I give myself 15.” With that he slips away, crouching down until he’s kneeling over Jaebum’s legs and reaches for the Jeans to pop them open.

Jaebum hasn’t even realized it yet when the zipper is already down and Youngjae digs into his underwear to curl his fingers around his length. The moan he makes is like music. Youngjae holds him in a firm grip, can literally feel him harden by the touch. He looks into Jaebum’s eyes when he pushes his underwear away, freeing his length and even when he brings his head down he does not lose eye-contact.

 

Jaebum seems to be completely out of it. He stares back at him unfocused and only moves when Youngjae, brazen and unapologetic, opens his mouth wide and lets his half-hard cock slip inside. He bucks a little, moans and ineffectually lifts his upper body, gripping Youngjae by the hair, just to fall back on the bed again.

Then he curses.

 

Youngjae would grin, if his lips weren’t stretched around a gorgeously thick cock. He isn’t the teasing kind. He’s neither careful nor testing. If he gets down to suck, he sucks. He swallows as much of Jaebum’s cock as he can, hand wrapped around the base. Jaebum growls.

“Ahhh FUCK, Youngjae….” He forces out, kneading strands of Youngjae’s hair between his fingers.

Youngjae moves his head up and down in small motions, slicking up the entire length as good as he can. He presses his tongue against the underside and salivates until it produces nasty, soppy sounds when his lips slide along the shaft.

 

He has Jaebum groaning and twisting in no time. He sputters out variations of Youngjae’s name constantly, nails grazing over his scalp and tugging on strands of hair. And Youngjae fucking loves it. Jaebum is so hot and hard and huge in his mouth, it feels even better than he thought it would. And he adores the sounds Jaebum makes, desperate and  _needy_ , needy for Youngjae himself. He sucks on it enthusiastically; deliciously as if it was a Popsicle and he basically hears Jaebum’s sanity go down the drain.

 

He lets the hard cock slide out his mouth once with a messy wet sound, leaving his lips parted and pulling threads of saliva and precum along with him. He darts his tongue out to lick them away and press it on Jaebum’s tip only after he confirmed that he was still looking at him, eyes dazed.

 

Youngjae removes Jaebum’s hands from his hair, grabbing each of them in one hand of his own and interlacing their fingers. It’s just a precaution, keeping Jaebum’s hands down on the mattress. There’s a hint of curiosity in his gaze and something that Youngjae (if he absolutely had to) would call ‘loving’.

Youngjae smiles up at him, as sugary cute as he can, then he opens up wide again, takes a deep breath and surges forward.

 

Jaebum yells a filthy curse and his fingers crush Youngjae’s own in their grip as he takes him in so deep, his tip hits the back of his throat. He doesn’t even pretend not to gag or try to muffle the sound of it. When he pulls away enough to breath, Jaebum’s hips try to follow him. Youngjae takes a deep breath, relaxes his jaw and repeats it. It has Jaebum gasping and groaning and Youngjae lowkey wonders if  _he_ sounds as hot when he’s being sucked. He takes Jaebum deep, his throat contracting at the strain. He gags and feels the burn in his body that wants him to throw up, but he has it under control.

 

He does not attempt to muffle the gasping when he backs away enough to breathe again. Neither does he bother with the drool that keeps running down the length of Jaebum’s cock, each time he slides him down his throat. He looks up at Jaebum, but can hardly see him. His vision is unclear, tears blurring his view from gagging every time.

He swallows around Jaebum, sucks on his tip for a bit whenever he needs to take a break. And he lets Jaebum see everything. His fight for oxygen, his tensing muscles, his watery eyes. And he tells him, without a word. “Look. Look how close I am to choke on your dick and I  _love_ it.”

 

Youngjae starts bopping his head eventually. The slide of his stretched out lips is easy on the slick length, moving up and down quicker, but shallow.

He can feel and hear Jaebum tense and moan. He’s getting closer and he speeds up a little more until he knows it’s about to happen. Then he jabs his head down, deepthroating him once more, swallowing him whole and Jaebum curses and yells and comes with bucking hips and a death-grip on Youngjae’s hands.

He feels the hot sperm shooting down his throat and pulls back just enough so he doesn’t choke on it and swallows it all.

And when Jaebum’s done spurting liquids and his body goes limp he sucks eagerly, milking him dry and licking him clean with his perky tongue and only stops when Jaebum starts squirming and detangles their fingers to pull him off of his oversensitive cock.

 

Youngjae releases him, sits up and licks his swollen lips while looking down into Jaebum’s eyes. He’s breathing harder even than Youngjae and floppily lifts his left arm to glance at his watch. “17 minutes…” He says weakly.

Youngjae shows him a triumphant grin while he carefully wraps Jaebum’s soft member back into his pants to store it away for the day.

“I need the other 13 minutes to calm down from that” Jaebum mutters and Youngjae flaps himself down on his stomach next to him after closing the button on his jeans.

 

“Not my fault” he voices throaty. “Not your…” Jaebum repeats, aghast, “You… you filthy beast…”

Youngjae giggles. He gave many a blowjob before, but he can count on one hand how many times he tried that hard and none of them made him this happy.

 

“Can I lock you in here?” Jaebum wants to know and rolls over to press his face into Youngjae’s neck with a deep sigh. “That would be a crime.” Youngjae’s voice is hoarse, his throat feels raw from the violation

Jaebum hums and finds his abused lips for the hint of a kiss. Youngjae instead shamelessly parts his lips for a real one, forcing his tongue into Jaebum’s mouth. He gives him a lot of credit that he doesn’t even flinch. He kisses him back, deep and dirty, Youngjae tasting like the gross mix between morning breath and his own cum and Jaebum simply can't be bothered.

 

“Get to work or your boss is gonna be really angry with me” Youngjae eventually rasps out when they part. Jaebum hums and sighs.

“Just pull the door close okay?” he murmurs. “And charge your phone before you leave, there’s a charger in the nightstand.” Youngjae nods and mumbles “Thank you”. Jaebum gets up from the bed with a few more pecks. “Goodbye Youngjae.” He says and hesitates only for a moment before he adds “I love you.”

Youngjae thinks he might be blushing a little when he answers. “I love you too.”

 

Jaebum attempts to leave, but turns around one more time when he’s halfway out the door. “And if you want… Greet your family from me…” Then he’s gone.

There’s some noise in the hallway, a key jingling, soles of shoes clapping on the floor and then the apartment door falls shut loudly. And when the apartment goes quiet, Youngjae still sits in the same place, eyes open but not seeing anything.

 

There’s one thing he’s absolutely sure of. Jaebum’s name won’t leave his lips even once. As soon as he gets off the train at home, he will never have met him at all.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be so negative Youngjae. Get your shit together.


	5. Something old, something new

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so.  
> From now on Updates are probably gonna be slower, because I had exams last week and got behind with my writing.  
> I hope to catch up on some over the long weekend, but I'm not sure.  
> I am most likely going to enhance chapter count to 11, but I will decide when I've written more.
> 
> There's no Jaebum in here and I know you'll miss him, but I bet Youngjae-baby misses him more.  
> AND I found a nice soft spot for one more member, but I added Jackson to the tags before, so it's not a surprise. But I seriously like him here.
> 
> And FINALLY. The big reveal :P

Youngjae checks his messages as soon as his phone screen comes back to life. Some group chats have unimportant babbling going on. But there are also about 10 texts from Jinyoung. “How’s it going with your friend?” And “Mark’s coming over, hope you don’t mind.” Also “Youngjae, are you okay?” And eventually “I really hope this is a good sign. Please call me when you’re alive.”

 

Youngjae does. He’s a little smitten. Jinyoung’s motherly side is very cute.

“Oh thank god, you live!” he yells into the phone before Youngjae has the chance to say a word. “Yeah” he mumbles, “Thanks for worrying Hyung, but I’m fine.”

“Actually… you don’t sound fine. What’s wrong with your voice?” Jinyoung picks up on the coarse sound. Youngjae grins to himself.

“I had dick for breakfast.” He states and Jinyoung bellows at his words. “You’re such a cockslut, really, Youngjae” he yells and he sounds ridiculously happy about it. “You said he wasn’t that kind of friend!”

“No!”, Youngjae disagrees casually, “I said I’m _not sure_ whether he’s that kind of friend.”

 

“I’m so jealous” Jinyoung says eventually, pondering, “Can I meet him some time?”  
Youngjae is glad that Jinyoung can’t see the smile fade from his lips. Meeting Jaebum in secrecy is one thing. That’s what they do, always done. Where it’s just the two of them in their own world, with no worries. But, bringing Jaebum into his life? Even if it just means meeting his friend? He’s not so sure about that.  
“Dunno” he shrugs, as if it’s not a big deal.

 

Jinyoung hangs up without another word. Youngjae is used to that. It means his boss is striving through the office and Jinyoung has to pretend he's working.

He checks for the departure of his train and the time he needs to get to the station before putting his phone down. There’s a subway nearby.

 

He tries to fix his hair in the bathroom and puts his toothbrush on display in Jaebum’s mug with ostentation. He smiles at himself.

His clothes, folded untidily on the sofa are crumpled, but he still puts them on. Jaebum threw his boxers into the laundry basket, understandably because they’re cum stained, so he ponders for a while before he daringly opens Jaebum’s drawers to find a fresh pair of underwear. There are sticky notes in the kitchen, so he grabs one and pastes it onto the closet.

“Stole some panties.” He writes on it and draws a heart below. It makes him feel giggly.

 

He gets himself a coffee, makes the bed, cleans the kitchen of their dinner. He likes Jaebum’s place. And he likes Jaebum. He feels like he’s missing him already and pulling the door close behind him feels so final it has his heart drop to his knees.

 He buys breakfast at the train station and climbs into a seat with a heavy sigh. Train rides are boring and this is a long one. He checks his phone and reads through the group chats he dismissed earlier when it lights up and a new message comes in.

“Are you on the train yet?”

 

The number has no name, but it’s pretty obvious whose it is. “Add to contacts” he presses. He’s a little excited, heart fluttering. Then his thumb hovers over the keyboard. Name…

Usually nobody digs through his phone or anything. But he doesn’t have any secrets and therefore never tries to hide it from anyone. So if his little sister snatched it out of his hands or off the table it would be a little suspicious to forbid her from doing that…

‘Hyung’ he types, wondering if Jaebum is a sexting type of guy and someone may ever find a dirty message on his lock-screen that his 'Hyung' sent. Anyone would think that’s how he saved his real brother, right? (He actually saved him with just his name and no extras)

 

He shrugs and saves the number before going back to the chat. Jaebum has an actual photo of himself as his profile pic, but it is a poorly taken selfie where a hat and shadows cover most of his face. Youngjae thinks for about 50% that Jaebum sucks at taking selfies and with the other 50% believes that he does that on purpose to look cool and maybe manly.  
It’s adorkable.

 

“Yeah, it just left. Boring 3 hours ahead.” He types back. Jaebum doesn’t reply right away, so Youngjae plugs in his headphones and leans back while listening to music. After a while the phones buzzes. “Have a save trip.” Jaebum writes and adds “Miss you already.”

Youngjae can’t help the dreamy grin and maybe he even blushes a little.  
Lovey-dovey texts is something that he can get used to.

 

They text back and forth a couple of times. Jaebum usually takes a while before he responds, sometimes more sometimes less. It makes sense because he is at work and shouldn’t be texting at all.

 

Youngjae sighs heavily when the train’s doors open and he steps down the stairs.

‘Home, sweet home’ he thinks sarcastically. Nobody’s at home, obviously, when he opens the door. First thing he does is changing his clothes. He goes to the store, prepares lunch and eventually flops down on the sofa, turning on the TV and sliding away into daydream-land.

 

With nothing to do, his mind isn't occupied enough to not wander.

Everything that happened since a day ago went by in a daze, like a dream. There's one thing he can't deny, though. It has shown itself pretty clearly. He still loves Jaebum. He can't even try to deny it, not even before himself. He is one stupid little boy, but that's the premise he has to work with here.

 They met. It was by chance but they did. And what did they do? He pulls the blanket over his head. They fucked. And it was EPIC. But does it matter?

Hell yeah it does. Cheating with your heart is a truly terrible thing. But cheating with your body...  
Well, nobody cheated, right? They're both single.  
Is Jaebum?  
…  
Is he?

 

 

With a shudder he remembers the date he had just a little over a week ago. His face heats up. Well it was just _one_ date and they weren’t even at the exclusive part, were they? They agreed to go out again but that’s it!  
He makes a note in his mind and markers it red. ‘Tell Jackson that you’re not going to meet him again.’

 

Back to Jaebum. Where was he? Oh right, cheating…

 

No matter if they’re both single… They did cheat still, didn’t they? In a way.

It’s not okay. Their relationship is not okay.  
He won’t ever tell someone: “This is my boyfriend.” Will he? He’d feel like shit.

But they loved each other.

They love each other.

 He _wants_ to be with Jaebum.

But he _always_ wanted that. And it’s not like he didn’t get the chance before. It was not like Jaebum vanished from the face of the earth and Youngjae had no chance of finding him. He could have. If he ever decided to go see him he _could have_.

The only thing that changed is, that they met. By accident.

 Sure, they got older. Sure everything is in the past.

But does that remove the wall between them?

Or did they just grow enough to peek over it?

Is that what they’re doing? Looking over it and _pretending_ it doesn’t exist?

 

Youngjae hides his face in his palms. He hates secrecy. He doesn’t keep secrets, except for this one. But he can’t do that forever, can he?

Be with Jaebum in secrecy and never tell?

 

And even if he did that… could he ever look her in the eyes and not feel the shame?

 

 

When his little sister returns home first, she finds Youngjae flat on the sofa lightly snoring and arm dangling off the side.

She quietly snaps a photo, praying that he will never find out and sends it to her girl friends. Her high school friends always said that her brother looks like an idol and she found joy in bragging about him.

 

“Oppa!”, Youngjae grumbles and rolls around, but the poking at his cheek is annoyingly persistent. “Whaaaat” he complains and tries to hit the hand away. “Wake up, Oppa. It's afternoon, you're supposed to sleep at night!”

Youngjae stirs, shuffles and eventually sits up, opening his eyes. His sister looks a little too happy about waking him, so that he punches her shoulder with a scoff.

It's like he's really, finally waking up from his dream. Not the one he had when he slept. The one that lasted 24 hours. Since yesterday, where he stepped into the conference room and found his dream inside.

He's back. With his family. His life. His duties.

 

They want to know how the interview went and he tells about it casually. They ask how Jinyoung is doing because they just assume they went out together.

Youngjae's phone buzzes a few times and he does his best to ignore it, even though he's getting all excited inside.

 

When he's finally alone he checks his messages.

Jaebum sent a photo. A snapshot of the post-it he left. And he added “Pics or didn't happen!” with a blushing emoji. Youngjae giggles to himself. Somehow Jaebum has it in him to transfer him back into a teenager-state. Of course he doesn't send one. He scolds him instead.

 

“If you're not sending a photo of how you're wearing them I have to demand for my underwear to be taken off.”

It's almost bedtime when Jaebum writes that and Youngjae is in his sleepwear already. “Sure did.” he texts back and Jaebum asks for a pic of what was underneath.

He's a total perv.

“I'm not gonna send you nudes!” he sends eventually, angry emoji attached even though he secretly likes it.

 

“But I'm so lonely.” Jaebum writes, followed by a selfie. He's in bed already, face almost completely covered by his blanket. “My bed feels empty. Send me something to make me happy.” Youngjae buries his face in his pillow. He feels it too. He'd rather sleep in Jaebum's bed again, really. He doesn't send a picture, but sweet little confessions instead. It has Jaebum almost satisfied.

 

And it's strange.

They've met. Once. Spent a single night together.

 

And it already feels like they're dating.

  

 

Youngjae sleeps in the next day. It's the benefit of being jobless. He had, in fact, planned to keep working in his old one while looking for a new. But he had to go to Seoul _so_ often for interviews , it just didn't work.

 

He stretches lazily and takes his phone. He may be fuzzy about getting texts from Jaebum. But the one that shows up on the screen is surprisingly not from him.

It's from Jackson. His one recent date – guy.

“Hey beautiful. When are you in Seoul again? I still want to take you out to eat.”

 

A slight shiver of shame trickles through him. He had told Jackson about his situation and also that he would reach out to him when his plans to move became concrete. So they hadn't yet fixed a date for their date.

He sighs deeply. He's a deceiving asshole like he knows no shame or decency.

He should at least be truthful to Jackson.

 

He calls.

It's a punishment, to say it to him directly. It'd be much easier to do it via text. But it's his way to punish himself. To go through it, while having to listen to the others persons disappointment.

 Jackson does pick up, even though it's morning. “Wow, to what do I owe the honor?” he asks cheerfully. “Ahhh, hey. I hope... I'm not bothering you.” Youngjae says shyly. “Of course not. I got time.” he still sounds very joyful. “I just felt like texting you, but I didn't expect an answer this early.”

“Uhm... well... I'm still in job-hunting mode, so... I don't have anywhere I have to be right now...” Youngjae explains, but his voice is a little weak.

“What's wrong? Shoot!”

Youngjae clears his throat. “Look, uhm... We uhm... I can't...”

“WWWWWOW!” Jackson cuts him off, disbelieving tone and all. “Just now I was super hyped you called me and instead you're turning me down?”

 

Youngjae makes a sound like a puppy having their tails stepped on. It's unintended really. “I'm sorry.” He murmurs.

 

“You could have told me back then, you know?” Jackson does sound pissed, but even more so he sounds hurt and yet he expresses himself well, “Then I wouldn't have spent the last week excited about you.” Youngjae leaves out more pained noises. It doesn't help that Jackson is so blunt. It would probably much easier if Jackson was the type of person who got angry and defensive. Hanging up with a “Yeah I didn't like you either” or something to keep his pride.

But he doesn't seem to shy away from showing that he's disappointed.

 

“That's not it, Jackson.” Youngjae feels he owes an explanation. That's the least he can do, right? Hi fidgets with a corner of his blanket, leaning against the headboard of his bed. “I did... enjoy the date and I really meant to go out with you...”

 

“But?” Jackson asks, ironically.

“I... uhm... met someone.” Youngjae clenches the blanket in his fist. Jackson snorts. “From my past.”

 

Jackson gasps in shock, overly dramatic and obviously sarcastic. “You got back with your ex? How creative. Care to enlighten me with another cliché?”

“I'm sorry.” Youngjae says, conflicted and pitiful. “It really just happened. I can't explain even... I thought I'd never see him again and we just... met... and I... We just... clicked.”

 

It's quiet for a bit. “You're serious?” Jackson asks eventually and he sounds less upset already. Youngjae hums in response. “I'm in a shitty situation here.” He mumbles, “But I can't deny that... I don't think I ever stopped loving him.” He doesn't know why he says it. Why should Jackson care? He can hear the sigh at the other end. That's it, right? I mean, that's all Jackson needs to know. They were never even that close. It was just a date.

Jackson is really handsome. He's funny, cheerful, kind. He shouldn't have a problem to find someone to date. In fact, Youngjae thought he might not even be good enough for a man that likable and good-looking.

 

“And you think it's a good idea?” Jackson asks eventually and Youngjae makes a surprised “Huh?”

“You know, it's not a cliché for no reason. If you broke up before, why should it work out now? Honestly, I really liked you, you know. I would still take you out, even if you had an ex-related accident in between. I'm just saying, if you're turning me down because of an isolated slip-up that you feel sorry for... you don't have to.” he sounds genuine and Youngjae's stomach turns. Why is this so hard again?

“It's not... an accident.” He answers, squirming at the words, “I don't know what will happen...” He swallows. It's torture to speak it out “...in the future. I don't know where we will go, but... UGH I don't know if we can be together, but right now I just want to. I _want_ it so bad!”

Youngjae is inexplicably out of breath. He's not sure why he's telling Jackson this. It's wrong. But somehow it feels like he _can_ tell him. _Because_ they don't know each other well.

 

“Sounds serious enough.” Jackson mutters. “Also sounds like a movie. Why'd you break up then?” Youngjae hesitates. “Why do you even ask?” He frowns, “Nothing's gonna change if I tell you.”

“Well...” Jackson's voice comes back to a casual cheeriness, “I lost, I get it. But you sound really emotional about it, so... Maybe it'll help you to tell someone. I'm a good adviser and you don't need to worry about me judging you, because all my friends will anyways know about you as the bitch that lead me on and then brushed me off for their ex.”

Youngjae grimaces into the empty room, torn between laughing out and crying.

“We never really broke up... I don't know if we were ever really dating...” He tries to explain, not sure why, because he should hang up, but it also feels kind of nice talking to him. He wonders, for a second, how it would be if he didn't meet Jaebum and whether he would've managed to actually fall in love with Jackson. Don't they say that dating successfully is all about the timing? He understands that now.

 

“Facebook-Status 'Complicated'” Jackson understands.

“Mhhh... I would not have been able to set a relationship status for us.” Youngjae attempts to explain.

“Because he... had one of those. As my sisters husband.”

 

 

“ _You know I am really sad that it didn't work out between us.” Noona said with a sad smile. Youngjae buried his nails into the palm of his hands, mute. “I really liked it that the two of you got along so well. I was very proud to have someone that got accepted by you as his big brother. I am sorry that I made you lose him as well.” She sighs._

“ _I like to believe that we rushed it. Probably. It's stupid to get married so early. When we didn't even have the money to live on our own.”_

_Youngjae's hands hurt. And his heart hurt too._

 

“ _You know Jaebum and I, we didn't end on bad terms. I don't hate him for leaving. I was madly in love, but we weren't meant for each other. I don't regret meeting him. I am left with fond memories and I've grown since I knew him. I am just sorry that it had to end with a loss. If you were to go and visit him some time... I wouldn't mind. You were family after all.”_

 

_Youngjae failed to bite back the tears. He knew that he could get Jaebum's new address from her if he asked. He fantasized about taking the train to Seoul and showing up on his doorstep._

 

_But how could he? How could he, when he was the reason Jaebum left in the first place? When it was his fault that Jaebum broke up with her? When they've been so happy and in love before_ he _got between them?_

_How could he use his sister's good will to leave him his ex-brother-in-law and deceive her?_

 

_She was lying._

_She had cried her eyes out when Jaebum filed for the divorce. Just like Youngjae had._

_She had cursed him and blamed him._

_There was just no scenario in which this could end well. So he shook his head._

 

“ _Let's forget him” he said and hugged her._

 

 

“Ouch.” Is all that Jackson manages to say. And eventually adds “That's fucked up.”

Youngjae expected himself to start crying. Or whining at least.

But he states “Don't I know it.” In a ridiculously dry tone.

 

“Are they still married?” Jackson inquires, unsurprisingly with emphasis. So Youngjae shakes his head rigorously and answers “Noo” because obviously he can't see it through the phone. “He...uhm... divorced her and moved and... well... we didn't see each other since he left.” Jackson makes an impressed whistling sound.  
“So he broke up with your sister, because he liked you, but then you didn't date after that?” he concludes.

Youngjae hums a yes. “I guess he felt bad about it. I know I did.”

“And does she know??” He inquires and Youngjae has to whimper a forced “No” again.

 

“Just to get things straight here” Jackson keeps going, still not satisfied. “Your little slip-up. When you said you “met” him... it means...” Youngjae hums another yes. “So you fucked.” He does seem to want to know every little detail. “Yes, Jesus fucking Christ, yes we did.” Youngjae buries himself back into his pillow.

“And then? I mean... did you agree to do that frequently?”

This time Youngjae mumbles a “No.” “We didn't really clarify that...”

 

“Then, back when he divorced your sister and the two of you felt so bad about it that couldn't be together even though he wasn't technically cheating on her anymore...” Jackson sounds like he's analyzing a psycho-thriller movie, “You lost all contact, but now you hooked up, because.... What changed since then?”

 

Youngjae screams. Into the pillow, so it is muffled, but he still does hear the surprised sounds from the other end.

“Nothing... right?” he asks weakly, turning his face away from the pillow just enough to speak. “He's still my ex-in-law. Nothing really changed since then, did it?”

“You're asking me? Dude, I don't know them. You should be answering that.” Jackson cheers.

“Thanks for your help.” Youngjae grumbles disappointed, but still asks “What should I do?”

 

“I can tell you one thing.” Youngjae sits up a little and listens “Cutting your ex-hubby off to date me is now officially off the table. I am not dealing with someone with that much emotional baggage. (Youngjae snorts) But apart from that... I think that if you really love him... you don't get around dealing with the one thing that keeps you from being with him. As boring of an advice as that is. There's nothing that protects you from talking to your sister.”

 

It's not what Youngjae wanted to hear.

 “That's not an option.” He answers and Jackson hums in response. “Then I can't help you. I have to get back to work, but... I would totally love it if you kept me updated about your personal little misery. It's better than watching a movie.”

 

“I don't think I like you anymore.” Youngjae states.

Jackson doesn't respond to that. He wishes him a nice day with a soft chuckle and eventually hangs up.

 

Youngjae feels a little lonely after the call ends. A little disappointed, too, but tells himself quickly that that is idiotic. There is nothing anyone else can do about his situation and Jackson was kind enough to listen.

And as much as he hates to admit... It felt kind of nice.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew. Now that was something.
> 
> Tell me whether you think Youngjae is in a seriously sticky situation here or whether you think he's just overreacting. :D


	6. Our world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't split it up this time, so you'll have the full dose of fuck and fluff in just one chapter hitting you right in the face :D

His day gets better. Jaebum texts him from work. “When will I see you again?” And Youngjae avoids to answer because he doesn't know.

 

But a little later, when he's in the kitchen with a nice coffee and breakfast he gets a call that makes his day.

 

“What is this??” his family asks, when they come home and find a feast of a dinner on the table. Youngjae cooked about anything that he can make and set the table and awaited them in the living room.

 

He beams. “Good news. I got the job.”

 

It's a cheerful dinner, even though his little sister is whining and complaining that he now will definitely leave home to live in the city. It's the one job Youngjae interviewed for that he wanted the most. The work is just right for him and the pay is good. It's just what he was hoping for.

He can start immediately next week and has already called Jinyoung to tell him about it. He put him on speaker and listened to him listing just exactly how much space he can use up in his apartment while he packed.

 

It feels sudden, surprisingly, since he planned it for a while. But he won't be moving out completely just now. He just packs necessities, leaves emotionally attached rubbish and interior behind.

 

He eats as much as he can and washes the dishes afterwards and watches a drama with his dad and only when it's already late and he slips under his blanket he ponders about texting Jaebum the news. He left a few texts but Youngjae had his phone in his room.

They're whiny and asking for attention. One of the messages asks for nudes. Of course.

 

He decides to keep it a secret for now and instead shuts Jaebum up by asking him if he's free on Saturday.

 

Jaebum is.

 

 

There are actual tears when it's time to say goodbye. It's not the first time his parents send off a child, but they're taking it hard. His dad took it onto himself to drive him all the way to Seoul and his mum insisted to come along. The car is packed with all of Youngjae's luggage. It just kept piling up and every time he thought he was done there was one more thing to pack and then another.

 

Jinyoung is his charming, smiley self. He promises to take good care of their little boy and offers them lunch and coffee before they go back. He helps Youngjae to carry everything upstairs and pulls at his ear because it is so much.

There isn't actually a second room, but Jinyoung's own has enough space for a second mattress and it is enough for Youngjae for now.

 

Youngjae checks his watch more frequently the more time passes. He does have an appointment, but his parents eat and talk and laugh and Jinyoung is really very charming. He's wondering if they would be bothered to find out that their son is gay, when he brought home such a perfect son-in-law material as Jinyoung can pretend to be.

 

When they finally leave with a last hug, Youngjae doesn't have much time left to get to his date. “You want to go out for a drink or stay here and get wasted?” Jinyoung asks with a grin after closing the door. Oops.

“Uhm... I kind of... have somewhere to be” Youngjae fidgets and looks to the floor. “Seriously??” Jinyoung frowns. “It's your first night in your new home with your new brother and you go out?” “'m sorry” Youngjae mumbles apologetic, “It kind of slipped my mind to tell you, but... “

 

“Is it an orgasm-related appointment?” Jinyoung asks, nonchalantly, not so much the charming gentleman anymore. Youngjae nods. I guess. “Is it that not-a-sex-friend-but-yet-a-sex-friend from last week?” Jinyoung inquires, eyes squinting and Youngjae nods again. “Ugh, fine. I can't compete with that. Go have your cutie butt stuffed. But don't think the welcoming-party is off the table. You still owe me that. And you'll pay!” Jinyoung punches his shoulder and digs out his phone, probably in order to find some replacement-company for tonight. Youngjae grumbles, but smiles and puts on his shoes.

“I assume to not hear from you again until tomorrow, but don't stay too late, it's your first day of work on Monday!” Jinyoung yells after him as he leaves and he waves it off.

He's not a baby!

 

 

 

Youngjae is a little out of breath when he reaches Jaebum’s floor. He took the stairs because he didn’t want to step on the elevator alone. He finds Jaebum’s door easily, especially because it is wide open and Jaebum is standing impatiently in the door-frame… And he’s only wearing boxers.

“Hyung…” Youngjae complains and looks up and down the hallway. “What the hell.” Jaebum turns around to him. He’d been staring at the elevator door. His eyes beam when he sees him. He grabs Youngjae by the sleeves and pulls him inside. Next thing Youngjae knows is having Jaebum’s naked body wrapped around him and his mouth in his face, kissing him like it has been years again.

 

He struggles, but only a little. He just so manages to kick his shoes off before they stumble inside, Jaebum pulling at his clothes. “Missed you.” He mumbles against his lips, hands finding their way underneath Youngjae’s sweatshirt. “I noticed.” Youngjae gives back ironically, focused on staying on his feet, because Jaebum is rash and unsteady. He tumbles backwards and the sofa hits him in the waist. Jaebum pushes him against the backrest and already fumbles with the button of his jeans.

“You’re fast forward” Youngjae gasps, a little stunned. Jaebum’s hands slide to his back and into his pants to squeeze his cheeks. “Because I want you so much” he pouts, kisses his lips, then his jaw and his neck and massages his butt.

 

Youngjae shivers. He enjoys being desired so much. He loves Jaebum’s heated kisses and his staggering breath. “I fuck you, pleease?” Jaebum asks with more aegyo than feels appropriate with the choice of words and also in a situation where he sneakily slides his finger between his cheeks to tease his rim. Youngjae’s forehead lands on Jaebum’s shoulder somewhere between embarrassed and amused. Jaebum takes the chance to start chewing on his ear and bringing their hips together. Youngjae feels the muscles on Jaebum’s back when he holds onto him. That body will never fail to turn him on.

 

Jaebum makes a few grumbling noises and backs away. He looks down at Youngjae, eyes already clouded, as if he’s contemplating. His motions are fast and confident when he squats down, one arm wrapped around Youngjae’s torso, the other hooking behind his knees to sway him off his feet. Youngjae yells in surprise and Jaebum lifts him up and throws him over the back of the sofa. He almost falls off from the verve, landing on the seat with another frightened cry.

Jaebum steps around to where Youngjae’s head is. Because he is lying on his back he tilts it upwards to look at Jaebum, who leans forward to curl his fingers into the hem of his sweater and pull it over his head.

 

Youngjae is entirely swamped. Unable to cope with the situation, Jaebum’s assessed movements, domineering and yet so innocently displayed. Youngjae’s never experienced something even remotely similar. His brings his lips down to Youngjae’s; spiderman-kissing him deeply and his hands slide over his chest. Youngjae makes a first, content sound in the back of his throat as Jaebum’s palms rub over his nipples.

Jaebum hums into his mouth in response. But then he gets up again to pull Youngjae’s pants down. He just stays where he is, allowing Jaebum to handle him, curious where it's going.

 

 

Jaebum is satisfied only when he pulled the last bit of clothing from his body. Youngjae lies back comfortably, but seductive, smiles in his direction while displaying his body in all its glory, spreading his legs just a notch. Jaebum’s gaze is burning. He leans down, placing his lips on Youngjse’s knee, kisses upwards his thigh, lets his hands graze over his legs and stomach. Youngjae hums in appreciation of the loving touch. “You’re fucking beautiful, Youngjae” Jaebum murmurs distracted as he comes up to face him. It feels warm in his chest, fluffy.

 

They kiss briefly, but Jaebum has plans. His hands slide casually over his chest, finding a perky nipple to rub between the fingertips, evoking a low grumble in the back of Youngjae’s throat. He nips at his earlobe and beneath it, licking and kissing the skin and mumbles “Turn around, I wanna eat you out.” With pleasure. Youngjae rolls around onto his stomach without hesitation. Excitement trickles through him at the filthy statement and the anticipation. He doesn’t need to blush anymore. He noticed that Jaebum dropped all timidity and he fucking loves it.

 

Something fuzzy grazes his cheek as he turns on his belly. He lifts his head and finds the otter plushie. Grinning he buries his face in it. Jaebum climbs on the sofa and immediately settles between his thighs that Youngjae spread as much as he could without falling off the sofa. Alone the way Jaebum massages the back of his thighs with his strong fingers all the way up to his cheeks to squeeze them has him emit content sighs and his hips squirming to rub his member against the sofa’s surface. Jaebum spreads him open with his thumbs, exposing his hole to the cool air and Youngjae moans softly in expectancy. He feels Jaebum’s tongue on him, licking one thick wet stripe over his rim and it already feels like paradise.

 

Jaebums hands wander under him, fingers curling around his hipbones and he pulls his ass up. Youngjae complies, though regretting the loss of friction at his length and props himself up on his knees until he is properly exposed. He’s a pro at situating himself like this, back arched down and butt perked up, position entirely and perfectly submissive.

He stretches his arms up, forearms against the armrest of the sofa for leverage and places his cheek on the otter toy. He glances behind, without lifting his head and can see Jaebum’s heated gaze just so in the corner of his eye.  
“I did not see that coming.” Jaebum rasps out, fingertips digging into his cheeks. “You’re a sin, baby.” Youngjae closes his eyes, relishing in the soft feeling of affection at the pet name and Jaebum’s admiration.

If it is Jaebum, he can be anything, move any way, present himself however Jaebum likes, if he just praises him for it.

 

Still, the one thing better than emotional warmth is the warm tongue that finally slips between his cheeks again. Youngjae makes appreciative sounds. Soft, decent “Mhhmh”s. Jaebum’s tongue licks over the muscles around his hole, teasing. He dips the tip into the opening, but not enough to breach it, just to hint at it. Youngjae’s hands clench into fists as he is trying not to beg already. Jaebum wets his entrance, slicks him up until he can feel saliva dripple down his rim all the way to his balls. He’s moaning, eventually, turned on, but unsatisfied.

 

He’s hard, before Jaebum finally digs into him. His hot muscle penetrates his entrance and Youngjae keens and moans and his hole twitches around Jaebum’s tongue. Jaebum isn’t doing this for the first time. He makes a somewhat thrusting motion, pulls his tongue back out to push it back in, licks him, massages him. Youngjae moans shamelessly into the otter’s fur. He can just so keep himself from freeing a hand to wrap it around his leaking cock.

 

He wants to savor it, make it last, but it is so damn hard. Jaebum’s tongue feels like it’s a gift from the heavens and he’s whining in frustration and pleasure by now. “Impatient?” Jaebum asks, eventually detaching his filthy mouth from his rim.

 

Youngjae doesn’t answer, but yelps in surprise and almost flops down on his stomach when Jaebum digs both of his thumbs through his entrance and opens him up. “Fuck…” Youngjae curses, thighs shaking and eyes shutting close. 

 

“If you insist…” Jaebum mocks him, but it sounds friendly. Youngjae keeps his eyes closed. He can’t see Jaebum, can just feel him shift, hear him rustle. He moans softly when he wets his cock just like Youngjae had done it last time. Then he prods at his entrance that twitches in anticipation. Youngjae makes needy little sounds, stretches and presses his butt back, yearning to feel him inside.

 

Jaebum pushes in, just the head of his cock breaking through his entrance. Youngjae’s hole clenches and another slutty noise spills over his lips. And Jaebum pulls back out. He tip rests at his rim again for a moment, then he repeats the same motion, in and out and Youngjae whines in frustration. “Hyungggg” he complains, loud and clear. “Hmmh?” Jaebum makes and teases his hole again. It’s rough, has him feel sore from the drag. Youngjae pushes backwards with more emphasis, but to no avail. Jaebum replaces his cock with a wet fingertip, adds more spit, then does it again, stretching him open and leaving him empty.

 

“Please…” he whimpers, worked up and heated. His cock is leaking, his body tense and the otter’s fur feels damp against his skin, sticky from his own sweat.

“You would understand me” Jaebum growls roughly, “If you could see yourself. See how your greedy hole clenches around air. You want me inside you so bad, baby?”  
Youngjae is pretty sure that his face is heating up another level. “Yes” he breathes out, desperate.

 

Jaebum pushes in deeper the next time and Youngjae sighs in content. But still he pulls out all the way, rubbing him sore and sinks in again, even deeper now with each time. It’s torture, raw and unapologetic. Youngjae’s fingers dig into the armrest, his hips squirming. Jaebum enters him, going pretty deep already. He stops but instead of pulling away, with a forceful snap of his hips he thrusts all the way inside until he bottoms out and Youngjae screams.

 

“Is this better?” Jaebum asks, voice strained and dangerous, but he doesn’t let Youngjae answer as he thrusts again, hips hitting the flush of Youngjae’s ass with an audible snap of skin on skin. Youngjae’s eyes roll back at the force that rocks his whole body forward. His hole, sensitive from the abuse stretches around the thick base of Jaebum’s cock and he reaches so deep inside, it knocks the air out of him. He can hardly hear the blessed sounds he makes himself because the thrumming in his ears is so loud.

 

He feels Jaebum’s hands on his hips, fingertip digging into the skin behind his hipbones. He holds him tightly and fucks him.

And he really does. It’s hardly even sex. Youngjae’s arms flex, it takes all his strength to hold against the hammering of Jaebum’s thrusts, so he doesn’t fall forward. That and the strangled cries of pleasure are the only two things he manages anymore.

Jaebum pounds him into the sofa as if he’s trying to break it. Or break him, he’s not sure. His inhumane speed and strength makes it creak; mixing with his growls and Youngjae’s tortured mewls. It’s so good. As if his body is made for this and just this. He’s been born just so Jaebum can wreck him.

 

He whimpers with every thrust. Jaebum fits into him just right, finds all the good places and robs him of his senses. He has a hard time staying upright, gathering enough strength to hold against the push of Jaebum's hips that rock his body against the armrest that is his only leverage. The sparks of pleasure turn into a fire, filling him up entirely, making his skin tingle, wiping out everything that's not lust or need.

Jaebum is persistent, hits his prostate until his thighs are shaking and his moans come out strangled and wrecked.

He sputters curses and filthy nonsense that hardly reach Youngjae's ears, let alone his brain. He's high. Far away and floating and Jaebum's relentless pounding is all that grounds him anymore.

 

He feels the pressure in his lower body, knows he's close and his choked cries just double a notch, making it known to Jaebum, who grips his hips tighter and slams into him with all he has. He abuses his sweet spot with every single time he bottoms out and Youngjae's orgasm hits with force.

His body tenses, shudders while he comes, head arching up to leave out one pathetic cry and his upper body slides forward a whole bit as his strength fades with the release. Jaebum doesn't need much to follow, just a few times that he thrusts into him as his body is going limp and that's it for him. He groans savagely and spurts inside him, riding it out with lazy, weak snaps of his hips and then it's over.

 

Youngjae flops down. It's less a matter of actually falling, because most of his body is really close to the surface already and more of him stretching his legs out behind him until his feet dangle over the armrest. Jaebum settles on his back once he pulled out, face buried in his neck breathing hot air against his skin rapidly. He kind of covers Youngjae's entire body like a heat blanket. Except he's really heavy.

 

Youngjae is shivering, still, trying to get his arms in a more comfortable position with the little strength he has left in his exhausted body. He's wet from sweating and panting as if he ran a marathon and he's certain that is he stood up now, he's drop dead to the floor right away.

 

“Hyung?” he asks, after they both caught up on their breathing. “Hmmh?” Jaebum makes against his neck, the vibrations sending goosebumps down his arms. “I'm having a Deja-vú” he says weakly, the otter's fur tickling his nose. “Hummh?” Jaebum makes again, another shiver running down his spine. “Well...” Youngjae starts explaining while he blindly searches for some part of Jaebum's body that his hand can reach in this constricted position, “Fucking until we pass out right after I set a foot into this apartment... Will I also get washed and fed again?”

 

Jaebum reaches for his hand and covers it with his own, entangling their fingers. He doesn't exactly answer. He mumbles “You're so precious”, sounding absolutely in awe. Youngjae hides his smile in the otter.

“Do you like it?” Jaebum asks, noticing, voice soft as a fucking cotton candy. “It reminded me of you.”

“I love it” Youngjae answers muffled by the fabric covering his face, “But I might've drooled on it.” Jaebum chuckles and it reverberates all through Youngjae's body.

 

“I love you, babe. You're adorable.” He says and climbs down from him. Youngjae lets himself be pulled to his feet, a little shaky and holds on to Jaebum, just to make sure he doesn't fall.

 

“I didn't bring clothes” he realizes when they sink down into the hot water like it's a ritual, filled with bubbles and a delicious smell. “You just wanna wear my panties again!” Jaebum accuses him, playing with his fingers. Youngjae leans back in his embrace. “Maybe. Or maybe I'm forgetful.”

“You know you left your underwear last time... I washed it.” Jaebum brags and Youngjae pouts. “I get to wear your shirt though?” Jaebum contemplates audibly. “Well... maybe I'll just have you run around nude for the rest of the day.”

 

It goes like that. Back and forth, but Youngjae still insists to be pampered. Jaebum does wash his hair and wraps him in a towel and dries him off and gets a Shirt to pull it over his head. And Youngjae has no idea why he likes it so much, but he does.

And Jaebum cooks for him. He brags about having gone grocery shopping just for that as if it's some kind of achievement and Youngjae praises and compliments him about it, which has Jaebum beam like the happiest person on earth until Youngjae takes it too far and he finally realizes he's being mocked. Then he chases him with the dishcloth and slaps him on the butt with it.

 

It's like they've been together for years.

 

And Youngjae realizes, in shock, that it's been all but two fucking days.

 

It's delicious what Jaebum makes, by the way and Youngjae's toothbrush is still in its place and he sits half across Jaebum's lap when they watch a movie afterwards. And before the film is over, he places his head against his shoulder and closes his eyes, pretending to fall asleep.

 

Jaebum turns the TV off and pets his hair. “You're not sleeping are you?” he asks and Youngjae pulls a face. “Yes I am!” he answers and Jaebum chuckles, but puts his arm around his back and behind his knees anyway to lift him up princess style. “Damn, you got heavier!” he notices and Youngjae gives him a punch in the chest, but still wraps his arms around his shoulders for support as Jaebum carries him into the bedroom.

He drops with a happy squeal, landing in the soft sheets and rolls himself into the blankets like a sushi roll. “Just when I thought you've really grown up you do this.” Jaebum laughs as he attempts to unwrap him again, “You're so childish.”

 

Youngjae stays quiet. It makes him a little uncomfortable. It doesn't stay unnoticed. When Jaebum eventually slips under the blanket with him he scoots close enough to stick his nose into the hair behind Youngjae's ear. “I like you.” he says and it is so tender and genuine, it makes his heart miss a beat, “The way you are. But sometimes it's hard to grasp, because... You were just so young when I last saw you and no matter how much time passed... In my mind you never aged.”

 

“Oh I'm sorry, mister. You know in my mind you weren't an old man either!” Youngjae retorts, but he doesn't manage to sound firm. Jaebum bites his ear in retaliation because he rolls away to lie on his back. “Seriously... You're an adult I get it, but... Jesus, in my dirty fantasies you were an innocent little virgin every damn time and you suddenly show up like the filthiest, neediest sex-god the world has ever seen.”

 

Youngjae laughs. He throws himself wholly on top of Jaebum and laughs. “You wanted to be the sexy older guy who deflowered me?” he asks, still laughing.

“I don't say I _wanted_ it, I just said that's how I imagined it.” Jaebum pouts. “Sorry to tell you that, playboy, but you were too late for that even when we first met.” Youngjae eventually settles, arm and leg and head placed on Jaebum's chest.

 

Jaebum is silent for a moment before he asks “Really?” “Really.”

“My whole life is a lie” he whines and Youngjae pinches his side.

 

Jaebum is right in one thing.

They're not the same anymore. They got older. A lot of time has passed.

But one thing simply stayed the same.

That they're together only in their own world. Their twosomeness, only true behind walls. It's perfect, then. All of it. Until they need to go back to a place where their relationship... simply is not okay.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmh yes I know. I'm not getting to the point just yet. But the question is.  
> Do you want to go right to the bad stuff without this fluffy time? :D
> 
> Oh and... well... I know it's an unrealistic situation with the job and all.  
> But I needed it to go fast and... honestly I didn't want to spend time with something that's boring (Like work :P) and irrelevant to the story.  
> I just needed YJ to move, okay.


	7. Countdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half time.  
> Yes, I upgraded Chapter count because I realized I need more space.  
> Have fun with this shorty little interlude. The smuts are getting shorter, but... I'm running out of smutness XDD  
> Also... we're counting down to the bad stuff, so enjoy your dose of fluff.

It's Youngjae who wakes up first. He feels the comfiest he felt since forever and lots of it has to do with the pair of strong arms that are wrapped around his middle. Jaebum ended up curled inwards with his head notching the side of his chest, hands reaching around him and he looks utterly peaceful.

Youngjae slides a hand through his hair, butterfly-light. It's a sight he could wake up to every day for the rest of his life. Jaebum stirs, grumbles as the petting at his head continues. “Not yet” he mumbles, sleepy, and Youngjae isn't sure if he's consciously saying it.

Youngjae has been sleeping in for weeks now and he's wide awake. He ponders to get up first and make breakfast, but when he attempts to free himself out of Jaebum's embrace, he does not like it at all. He closes his arms tightly, pulls him closer and gets his legs to help, wrapping them around him as well. Youngjae huffs out half a laugh about Jaebum clinging onto him like a Koala.

“I wanted to make you coffee and food” he murmurs in his direction. “But I can't if you won't let me go.” Jaebum pulls his head up to fully place it on his chest “I'll eat you instead.” his voice is heavy with sleep and sounds more than adorable, making him laugh a little more.

  
It takes a long time until they finally make it out the bed. Youngjae tries persuasion, accidentally starts a tickle-war that he loses once Jaebum is awake enough to find all his ticklish areas. He steals the blanket and in the end they struggle enough to roll off the bed and painfully fall to the floor in a mess of tangled limbs.

It's late when they finish their “breakfast” and Youngjae eyes the clock suspiciously, remembering Jinyoung's words. Jaebum is not pleased when he carefully suggests that he should leave. “But I don't want you to” he states, brows furrowed and arms crossed. Youngjae attempts to ease the knits on his forehead with his thumbs, promising that he can come over often now.

Only then does he realize that he still hasn't told Jaebum and he straightens the collar of his shirt and looks up into his eyes and bites his lower lip and fakes a casual tone as he says he will come often now that he lives and works in Seoul.

Jaebum's eyes light up over the news. He kisses him and holds him and has him promise to not let him wait too long while Youngjae focuses solely on the kiss not getting too heated so they won't end up on the floor again.

  
His heart aches when he leaves Jaebum behind, who waves at him from his door, looking surprisingly collected and sturdy.

  
Jinyoung greets him with raised eyebrows, pointing out the bruises on his neck that Jaebum left this morning. Youngjae sticks his tongue out.

“It's a little disappointing. You having all these juicy adventures and not letting me in on it. Just, who _is_ that guy?” Jinyoung pouts. Youngjae shrugs evading. “Pffh” Jinyoung stalks away, nose up and ignores him for solid 47 minutes.

  
It's a short, lonely night that brings little rest. Youngjae nervously fixes his clothes for his first day and even allows Jinyoung to get his hands into his hair for something that resembles a respectable hairdo.

It wasn't necessary, he learns later that day, because it really is a nice job. And friendly colleagues who are thrilled about the new employee because apparently they've been drowning in work and it took too long to hire someone. It's not something that is Youngjae's achievement but since they welcome him warmly and excitedly he does not complain.

But when he comes home, he is beat.  
And when he comes home the next day he is, too.  
And the next day.

He texts Jaebum about it. About how everything is great, but also tells him that all he wants to do is sleep and lay around on the sofa. Jaebum complains only a little. Mostly he's being very mature, except once where he texts “I'm thinking about you right now.” And Youngjae has only a few seconds to feel soft when he receives a selfie of him, chest naked and one hand all the way down his boxers. He yelps and holds the phone away from his body as far as he can like it is contagious.

Jinyoung happens to walk by and snatches it. “Wooaaaaahhh!!!” he makes, checking the screen. Youngjae's face is burning. He makes panicked noises and tries to get his phone back with hastily squeaked accusations about private property.

“Who is it?” Jinyoung asks, wide eyes glued to the screen and holding Youngjae away with his free arm like a cartoon character. Youngjae doesn't answer until he has his phone back, which required tackling Jinyoung with his entire body and pulling at his hair in all his glorious, grown-up masculinity.

“None of your business” he gasps, out of breath from the fight. Jinyoung, who is holding his head at the patch of hair Youngjae pulled doesn't have it. “Tell me! He's hot as fuck. Like. Wow!”  
“Well guess.” Youngjae locks the screen with just another glance at Jaebum's improper photo. “It's that sex friend of you, right? Honestly he looks familiar, have I seen him before?” Jinyoung ponders and Youngjae shakes his head quickly. “Does he fuck good?” he wants to know. Jinyoung does not know shame _or_ privacy. “Better!” Youngjae may be sheepy, but he can still brag.

Jinyoung hums impressed. “Sexy _and_ a good performer, huh? Are you two exclusive, because if not, can I go for a ride?” Youngjae throws a sofa pillow at him. “Not in a million years you filthy slut!” he yells and storms off.

 

 Youngjae is massively excited when he stops in front of Jaebum’s door on Friday evening. He shuffles the plastic bags into one hand and raises the other over the numbers on the keypad. He slides his fingertips along the keys a few times, enjoying the feeling. It may be a little childish, but the fact that he knows the code and can enter the apartment whenever he wants… the fact that Jaebum trusts him enough after they’ve met only twice and just told him…

He types the numbers in and the door unlocks with a beep. He’s not even sure if Jaebum is home. Youngjae may or may not have come over without a notice. Ok well, he did notify Jaebum, but not about the time exactly, just so he could make use of his privilege.

He walks into the kitchen when he hears a door and Jaebum’s surprised voice calling his name. He comes up behind him.

 

“I bought food” Youngjae beams over his shoulder and sets the bags onto the table. Jaebum doesn’t spare it a glance. His arms wrap him in a backhug, tight and warm and he presses his face into his neck with a soft sound. It would be cute, if there wasn’t a massive hard-on pushing against his butt. “Out of nowhere?” Youngjae is surprised that he manages an annoyed tone, when in reality he feels like giggling.  
"Missed you” Jaebum murmurs, mouthes at the back of his neck and slides his hands down his chest to the front of his jeans. “I was shopping too” he explains, opening Youngjae’s pants and shoving his fingers inside, using one to pull it down and the other to wrap it around Youngjae’s cock. “Were you?” Youngjae asks, moving his head back to lie against Jaebum’s shoulder so he has access to his throat, who makes use of that immediately, licking and biting at it. He’s heating up right away.

 

Jaebum pulls down his jeans and underwear just until under his butt, so his hand is freed to slide underneath his Shirt and toy at his nipple.

It has Youngjae moaning. It’s been like a minute that he is in this apartment, seconds since Jaebum caught him and they’re almost fucking already. It’s ridiculous… –ly hot.

He lets go of his slowly waking cock, too soon and digs his teeth into his neck while reaching for something on the table. “I bought lube.” He states and as soon as he has it, pushes Youngjae’s body forward until he collides with the table.

Youngjae can hear the cap being popped open and Jaebum’s clothes rustle. His palms came to lie on the table when he stumbled. He’s torn. He wants it but he’s scared. He’s not sure if the fear is making him more excited or not. Jaebum’s hand demanding comes up between his shoulder blades and pushes him forward, down. Youngjae bends. He’s trembling, exposes his backside as he does and Jaebum grabs his naked cheek and rubs his slicked up tip over his hole.

 

He’s whimpering when Jaebum pushes inside without another warning. He’s being stretched open, entered mercilessly and it hurts. Jaebum bottoms out in a single go. The slide is easy, all lubed and wet, but the stretch is painful and it doesn’t subside just yet. Youngjae curses under his breath, teeth clenched, trying hard not to sound too pitiful with his whimpers. Jaebum thankfully stays still when he’s all the way inside, but he wraps himself around his chest once more, mouthes at his neck again. “So hot. Tight.” he murmurs, “Sorry, babe. But you so…” His words become an incoherent babbling and Youngjae can’t concentrate to listen. He focuses on breathing through it, relaxing his muscles.

 

Jaebum waits just long enough. But considering his impatience and unapologetic behavior, he’s surprisingly sane. He doesn’t tease, doesn’t slam inside with force. It’s confusingly tame. He starts moving inside Youngjae, unwrapping himself from his torso and instead curling his fingers around his waist. He thrusts, decently slow and deep. He groans and curses as he slides in and out steadily.

 

He hits his sweet spot before Youngjae is even fully hard and he moans loudly. When Jaebum does again, finds it more frequently and picks up his pace, Youngjae’s arms give in and he lets his upper body flop down onto the table. His palm still flat against the wood he places his head to the side, dizzy from the pleasure. His erection is at full pride by now, nudging against the edge of the table. Jaebum’s thrusts speed up. It’s easy with the lubed slide through his entrance. Youngjae takes him in willingly each time. His eyes fall shut while he relishes in it, stutters moans and tracks the sparks of pleasure through his body. They all end up in his twitching cock.

 

He feels his legs tremble, struggling to hold him upright when Jaebum pounds into him at just the right angle, hitting his prostate dead on more times than not. He’s hot, awfully aware of being confined inside his clothing, nothing nude except his butt that Jaebum is using. It feels filthy somehow. It’s neither romantic, nor passionate. Just Jaebum being randomly horny, wanting some and bending his fuckboy over the table to take him. And Youngjae loves being his fuckboy.

He moans, impossibly turned on, his erection aching for release. Jaebum speeds up a little more, motions still steady, adding the rapid slapping of skin into the mix of sounds that fill the kitchen. Youngjae’s front rubs over the table top, being pushed forward with every thrust.

 

And he comes like that. There’s nothing else. No kissing, no touching, no teasing. No change in position, no dirty talk. Jaebum just fucks and fucks with impossible precision, abusing his G-Spot nonstop, hands holding onto his waist, his cock, hard and thick fucking him open and reaching deep. Youngjae’s body shudders as he orgasms. He moans continuously when it creeps up and cries out when it hits him, insanely intense from the steady build. He spills against the side of the table and onto the floor, feeling his muscles tense around Jaebum and his legs threaten to give in.

 

Jaebum groans viciously, fingers digging painfully into his sides and he thrusts a couple more times, hard and merciless, forcing strangled cries from Youngjae’s exhausted body, voice breaking. Then he comes, too, releasing inside him, buried to the hilt in his body, filling him with his sperm. Youngjae’s legs finally lose, but he doesn’t drop far. He’s caught between the table, the edge hard against his lower body, and Jaebum’s hips where he stills, all the way up Youngjae’s butt. His fingers loosen but he does not move away, instead leans down, his head coming up at the side of Youngjae face and he can hear and feel the quick, hot breaths.

 

“Baby” he whispers and Youngjae answers him with just a little whine. “I'm sorry, baby.” Jaebum apologizes to his surprise, “That was not planned.” Youngjae grumbles low in his throat in response. Only then Jaebum moves away from him, his softening length sliding out with a nasty sound. “I'm sorry” he repeats when Youngjae scrambles up from the table and turns around, unsure whether he should pull his pants up or take them off. He awkwardly grabs his waistband, but Jaebum takes his hands and holds them against his chest. “Sorry” he says once more. Youngjae smiles.

 

“You know, I'm starting to see a pattern here.” Youngjae says eventually, mouth full of half-chewed delicious food. They decided unitedly to pull up their pants and eat first before heading for their obligatory bath.

“Care to differentiate?” Jaebum asks, shoving a spoon full of rice into his own. “You always just do me as soon as I walk through the door. And we eat and bath and cuddle.” Youngjae explains thoughtful.

 

“Well yeah”, Jaebum frowns a little, “Obviously. I mean, sure, if a human male was capable of it, I would scrap the food and bath and do you until the sun comes up.” Youngjae throws some vegetable in his direction and incidentally aims well enough to hit him right in the face. “Whoops”, he ducks away from Jaebum while bursting into laughter that he can't hold.

He expects vengeance but Jaebum just peels it off his cheek and sticks it in his mouth. He swallows his bite and speaks in a serious tone when he says “I really don't plan to do that, you know?” And when Youngjae gives him a questioning glance he continues.

“Like today. You didn't say when you were coming over so I was thinking about you and got excited and I thought I'd quickly finish myself, right? And then you just walk through the door.” He looks and sounds like he's questioning his life choices and Youngjae can't stop grinning at it.

“With your perfect smile and your perfect hair and your perfect lips and your perfect body and your perfect little butt.” Jaebum lists, shamelessly needy and cheesy at the same time, “I just want you all the time. It's not the only thing I want. Not even the main thing I want. But. I really just can't stop myself from wanting to fuck you silly.”

 

“You're an idiot” Youngjae laughs, though he feels flattered. “You're lucky you're so handsome or you'd die a lonely old man.”

 

Youngjae can't get himself to be disappointed about their routine. He talks a lot about his week in the new job and Jaebum listens carefully. What he does though, is to ask a lot about Jinyoung and how it is living with him. It makes Youngjae squishy and he teases him by telling how handsome Jinyoung is. Even shows him a photo and Jaebum scrunches his nose and says “He's super ugly.”

Youngjae almost falls off the sofa from laughing so hard.

“Jinyoung-Hyung”, he says eventually. “Is a total bottom. You're way more his type than I could ever be.”

Jaebum looks a little too pleased. “Really? Hmhh, he's cute. Can I meet him some time?” For that Youngjae bites his shoulder hard enough to make him cry out. “Ouch!” he complains loudly, “Not because of that! I was just surprised that he knows about me. Did you brag?”

Youngjae contemplates. Yes, he did brag. And yes, Jinyoung knows about Jaebum. But that was more an accident than anything.

He settles with a “Maybe” that results in uncomfortable silence for a long while. They only get over it with a lot of cuddling and kissing.

 

Jaebum is not very pleased the next day when Youngjae tells him that he has to leave. He still has to go through his house-warming-hangover with Jinyoung. Jaebum is so pouty, Youngjae can't even soothe him with sex.

Still, apart from Jaebum complaining he insists on taking Youngjae home and he feels that he can't refuse.

 

It is the first time they're with each other outside of Jaebum's apartment ever since they slept together. It feels way more awkward than it should when they're walking next to each other, not knowing if they should hold hands or how close they should walk. And it's not like they're going anywhere except the parking garage and there isn't even anyone around.

 

However, Jaebum does place his right hand on Youngjae's thigh casually after typing the address into his navi and they manage to talk comfortably enough. Youngjae leans over for a goodbye kiss only after checking the surroundings for potentially prying eyes. Jaebum cradles his head and kisses him many times and he whispers “I love you” in his ear and Youngjae melts away.

Why does Jaebum have to be such a sweet boyfriend?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter I googled whether Koreans drive automatic or manual cars , just to know if Jaebum has his hand free, like WTF I am so weird xDDDD
> 
> I get it. Story isn't progressing. But we're getting there I swear.  
> And you guys do not know just how hard I suffer with the next two chapters. I never want to do that again. As soon as you're up to date with what I am going through you will want this storyline free smut-fluff-feast back, I see it coming! <3


	8. Hush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhhh, yeah. Don't know what I should say.  
> Trouble in paradise?

Youngjae can't wait another whole week. After securing that Jaebum would also drive him to work in the morning, because it is too far from his place, they settle Wednesday. Youngjae may have sent Jaebum a few too many confessions and cute selfies when he was drunk on Saturday, so the mood between them warmed up.

He isn't even sure whether Jaebum felt the weird cold between them as well, but he's glad that it's gone.

When he enters Jaebum's apartment, he is greeted by the delicious smell of cooking meat. He walks into the kitchen and finds Jaebum literally, actually wearing an apron and stirring in a pot. He turns his head with a smile. “Hi, sweetie” he says and Youngjae gets close enough to greet him with a back hug. A non-sexual one, he's not Jaebum.

It is ridiculously cheesy. Like a total chliché, he places his chin on Jaebum's shoulder to look into what he's cooking. “I hope you're hungry” Jaebum says cheerfully and receives a kiss on his cheek. “Absolutely.”

Youngjae notices with growing fondness, that Jaebum is trying very hard to not jump him right there in the kitchen. He finishes cooking and Youngjae sets the table and they eat and Jaebum's gaze lingers on him a little too heated a little too long but Youngjae pretends he doesn't notice. It makes him feel all fluffy that Jaebum, just because Youngjae mentioned it, tries his best to break their routine.

Okay, eating together is not something you can just dismiss, unless you wish to starve. But they don't sit down to watch a movie, instead Jaebum plugs in his PlayStation and they settle for some heated matches, including swearing at each other and throwing pillows and shoving each other off the sofa. Youngjae wins almost every time until Jaebum frustrated throws his Controller aside and surrenders with a groan.

  
  


“You know...” Jaebum says thoughtfully, arm slung around Youngjae when they're in bed, cuddling. “I thought about why our dates always happen the same way.” Youngjae makes a lazy sound to show that he's listening, his cheek comfortably resting on Jaebum's chest.

“It's because we always meet in the same environment. It's always you coming to my place.” He states, voice low. “Well, I have a roommate” Youngjae grins, “Not much privacy there.” Jaebum hums “That's what I mean. When we already have the luxury of being in private in my own four walls... Obviously there's gonna be sex involved.” “So...?” Youngjae questions. “What's your point then?”

“I mean” Jaebum's voice gets a little more stern, “We couldn't do that if we ever... went out, maybe?” Is he trying to ask him out? Youngjae shifts a bit. “You mean like going on a date? To the movies? Or an amusement park?” He asks bemusedly.

“Anything really” Jaebum sounds as if he's explaining a complicated math-problem. “You went out with your friend to drink and did not ask me to come along. Honestly, I was a bit hurt.”

Youngjae frowns to himself. “I couldn't take you with me to hang with my friends now could I? What would I say? Hey guys, mind if I bring my boyfriend?” Youngjae doesn't think much about what he says. Jaebum doesn't answer right away, but the soft stroking on Youngjae's hair stops dead.  
“Is that not what I am?” He asks eventually. Calm.

  
  


Youngjae sits up, dumbfounded. “Come on, Hyung, it doesn't work like that” He says, confused about the sudden seriousness. Jaebum looks him dead in the eyes in the dimmed light of the nightstand lamp. “Am I not your boyfriend?” He inquires again, threateningly low, “Because I seriously thought I was.”

Youngjae's mouth opens, but he has no idea what to say. They hadn't talked about what they were yet, so Jaebum just assumed. But even if he did... Even if they agreed to be boyfriends or whatever, he couldn't go out into the world showing him off now could he? “Tell me, because I'm curious. We kissed and slept together and I told you, literally 10 minutes ago that I love you and you told me the same. So how are we not?” Jaebum's eyes squint, mildly, but he sounds awfully calm. It's scary.

“Of course. Yes, of course we are like that, just...” Youngjae's eyes find a very interesting fold in the blanket, because looking at Jaebum makes him uneasy and he falls silent after the stutters.  
“Youngjae-ah”, Jaebum's voice is back to his soft, squishy self in an instant when he sits up and slides his finger over his cheek. “Are you not out?”

Youngjae shudders. “That's not it!” he squeaks defensively, even though it is somehow true. He knows his parents love him, but he also knows how happy they were when Noona brought home the exciting news of her first pregnancy. “It's okay, love.” Jaebum is back to petting his hair, something he does often and something Youngjae likes a lot, “I know your family is a little conservative. It's okay.”

Youngjae can't help the cringing. “My family...” he forces out weakly. “My sister...”

“What… about your sister, Youngjae?” Jaebum frowns after a moment of tense silence. Youngjae breathes rapidly through his mouth, mind blurred. This is not good. Not a good situation at all. He didn’t want this conversation. He doesn’t. It’s not gonna end well.

“Talk to me, please Youngjae.” Jaebum insists, putting too much emphasis on the plea “If you’re keeping me in my place on purpose. In secret. I have to know Youngjae. We need to talk about that.”

  
  


“No, please Hyung...” Youngjae mumbles hastily and shoves him down to lay back in the sheets. He presses his lips to Jaebum's shutting him up. His hands come up to Youngjae's sides, holding him or pushing him, neither of them seem to be certain. Youngjae puts his all into the kiss, licking into his mouth and sucking on his tongue. He climbs on top of Jaebum, without breaking it, settling on his hips and sliding his hands under his shirt. He feels the toned muscles on his stomach and further up. Jaebum breaks the kiss eventually. Tears his head away to speak. “Youngjae-ah... you can't just... hah”

Youngjae finds a nipple under the shirt and pinches it, as well as grinding down onto his crotch, successfully cutting him off. “Shhhhh. No talking!” he orders and licks at his neck. Jaebum resists, only for a bit longer. “I love you” Youngjae whispers against his neck, making him weak and sucks his earlobe between his lips. Jaebum gasps in response and Youngjae feels that he’s trying to say something again, so he finds his lips for another deep kiss. His fingers are still ghosting over the broad chest, feeling every bit of the skin and muscles underneath. He knows that Jaebum is hardening beneath his butt and he grinds back occasionally.

It’s only when he swallows the low grumble that builds in Jaebum’s throat that he finally detaches his mouth from his and returns to kissing his neck.  
He’s not had much opportunity to do so, because Jaebum is so dominating. But he plans to taste all of him now. He scatters lovebites around the area, grazes his teeth along his throat and finds patches of skin on his neck and shoulders to mark all while working his hips expertly. Jaebum’s breath goes heavy, he sighs and his hands frantically grasp at Youngjae’s sides, slide under his shirt and work up and down his sides and back.

Youngjae shoves his shirt up, places his lips on his chest, kisses it, finds a nipple to slide his tongue over. It’s heated, sluggish. Jaebum’s erection pokes at his butt each time he ruts over his lap and he gets hard himself from the anticipation to feel him, from the breathless sounds Jaebum makes. Jaebum pulls at his shirt, fumbling, and Youngjae helps, raises his arms up so Jaebum can take it off, mess up his hair and leave him exposed. He sits up on his hips, rubbing his ass down before he twists and turns awkwardly in an attempt to get his own pants off. Then he sits back into place, stark naked and glances down at Jaebum seductively while curling his fingers around his own length and sliding the other over his stomach and chest, parting his lips in a moan that Jaebum answers with his own.

He raises himself on his knees a bit, reaches behind him and blindly searches for Jaebum’s waistband. He struggles to pull it down, hands grazing over the hardness between his legs and Jaebum groans and lifts his hips to make it easier. Youngjae pushes them down as far as he can manage and then grabs Jaebum’s length, still blind, still staring down at him and licking his lips, sucking the bottom one between his teeth. He grinds back again, lets the erection slide between his cheeks and rub along his rim. Jaebum groans, grasps for him, finds his thighs to squeeze the tender flesh and his hips buck into Youngjae’s touch.

Youngjae leans over, reaches for the bedside table and is happy to find the lube there that Jaebum had so proudly shown off. He slides back, a little down Jaebum’s legs and settles on his thighs. Jaebum sits up then, because Youngjae is too far away for him to reach, because he doesn’t want to take his hands off his skin, stroking and groping him wherever he can. Youngjae snatches one of his wrists, pours lube into his palm and guides it to his cock. While Jaebum slicks himself up he pours more, onto the fingers of his right hand and brings it between his legs while throwing the bottle away. He closes his eyes and bites his bottom lip in pleasure when he slips his own fingers inside himself, stretches his hole open. He moans softly and holds onto Jaebum’s shoulder with the other. But when Jaebum reaches around him, palm over his fingering hand he shakes his head and ushers him away with a ‘No’ish sound. Jaebum takes his hand away, but groans in frustration and instead kisses him again. The kiss is hungry, savage and Youngjae moans into it while opening himself up.

Jaebum’s fingers become frantic, the way they rub over his skin, try to touch him everywhere. They get down to his thighs and up again, twirl around his nipples and along his neck. Youngjae claims himself to be ready. His erection is aching by now, lust taking him over. He gets up on his knees, now higher than Jaebum and tilts his head upwards to claim his lips again. He doesn’t put up a fight, allows Jaebum to plunder his mouth and grabs behind himself once more. He finds Jaebum’s cock, hard and ready and they moan into the kiss while Youngjae guides it between his cheeks. He breaks the kiss, but without moving away, just so that their lips are barely touching still, breathing hard and looks into Jaebum’s eyes when he sinks down. It feels a million times more intense when Jaebum’s tip breaks through his entrance, stretches him open and shakes his body with shivers over pleasure and want.

Jaebum is worse off. His mouth hangs open wide and his chest is heaving. Impatience and awe both written on his face as Youngjae sinks down tortuously slow, barely even moving. Jaebum whines in frustration, exhaustion of holding back obvious, but he still does. His head falls forward, lands against Youngjae’s neck, panting.

Youngjae slides a hand behind his neck, holds his head and bring his lips down to his ear, so close they ghost along his shell. He breathes against it and feels Jaebum shiver. And as he sinks deeper into him, ever so slowly, greedy hole pulsing around the hard length, Youngjae lets out a filthy moan right at his ear. Jaebum sputters out curses and nonsense against Youngjae’s skin where his face is pressed and his fingertips dig into his waist and thigh in a death-grip. And Youngjae moans again, with all he has and keeps doing it until Jaebum eventually bottoms out. It has his own cock twitching against Jaebum’s stomach, body filled to the brim. He doesn’t need to play up that next moan.

  
  


He bites down on Jaebum's ear and starts moving slowly. Their gasps and moans sound loud in the quiet room. “You feel so good inside me” Youngjae lets him know between his sounds of pleasure, lifting his hips and sinking back down constantly, but slow. Passionate. He feels Jaebum tense over his words, keeps going. “So deep. Fill me up so good.” Jaebum curses. His fingertips dig into his skin wherever they are. Youngjae feels the impatience himself, but he holds back, makes it linger. He moans over the slow drag against his walls, over how deep Jaebum reaches inside him in this position as he rides him carefully. Every time he brings his hips down, Jaebum makes a tortured sound and he just keeps doing it. Steady. His thighs burn, his erection aches. The pleasure has him in a tight grip, every motion a strain, his body screaming for more.

But it isn't him who surrenders. Jaebum's breath catches in his throat and eventually his suppressed voice whimpers “Please...”  
Youngjae locks their eyes when he lifts himself up, finds Jaebum's gaze feverish, dazed. And he shoves his hips down. They cry out both, Youngjae a little louder and his head flies back, stomach tensing. He does it again, desperate for the flashes of pleasure. He leans back, places his hands on the blanket for leverage to give Jaebum what he wants.

He rocks his hips quicker and with more strength. Jaebum curses, again, holds his waist to guide him. His arms support him, lift him up and bring him down onto his lap each time Youngjae rocks his hips. He's moaning shamelessly now, the change in position allowing him to slam Jaebum's length into his sweet spot. The tenderness is gone in a blink.

It's exhausting, but necessary. Youngjae takes Jaebum in again and again, hard and fast as much as he can manage and he listens to him groan and praise. He thrusts his bottom down frantically, the closer he gets to his release the harder it becomes. Jaebum holds him tightly and starts meeting him halfway and Youngjae answers it with a desperate cry. They move so well together as if they'd been doing it for years, skin hitting skin every time Jaebum bottoms out so loudly, it drowns the squeaking of the bed.

Youngjae feels the heat pile up sooner than later, making it known with half-choking moans and Jaebum rocks his hips up to meet his full cheeks with more pressure and he mercilessly grinds down and rams Jaebum's cock into his prostate and comes.  
He releases all over his stomach with a suppressed scream, muscles tensing and head arched backwards. Jaebum groans in response, fingertips bruising his hips in an attempt to hold on and Youngjae, with his last strength rides it out, literally, as long as he can. Moving, overstimulating and whimpering takes Jaebum up his clenched hole until he eventually spills inside him with a deep growl, pulling Youngjae's butt down and holding him there, buried as deep as he can manage while he comes.

Youngjae is shaking so much, his arms threaten to give in, so he pulls himself up and wraps his arms around Jaebum's neck before he can fall backwards.

They're breathing against each other, Youngjae's pants accompanied by teeny whimpers while Jaebum softens inside him, keeping him stretched. Jaebum wraps his arms around him gently and sinks back into the sheets and it is only then that he slips out slowly, pulling more tiny mewls before Youngjae comes to lie fully on top of Jaebum's body, chest to chest and his face buried in his hair.

It's wet and grossly sticky and hot and he's probably also heavy, but he can't get himself to care. Youngjae is content, does not even remember why he started all this. He's just realizing that they probably don't have it in them to make love, gently and passionate like other people, because all he can think about when they fuck is “harder”. He's just glad that it's seemingly the same for Jaebum.

And he does not notice how Jaebum rolls him down into the sheets when he's too heavy, because he's already asleep.

  
  


The next morning is hellishly awkward. Youngjae wakes in his warm embrace when the alarm goes off, but Jaebum turns it off and climbs out the bed to head to the shower without so much as a good morning. Youngjae uses the bathroom after him while he prepares breakfast. When Youngjae sits down, fully dressed and hair wet, their eyes meet over the table. “Good morning” he voices shyly, because he can’t take it. Jaebum stems himself up and leans over to kiss him on the lips. Silent.

His hand is on Youngjae’s thigh when they drive, while he gives him directions to his workplace. It seems like everything is fine and Youngjae leans in for the Goodbye-Kiss with a smile. He wants to say ‘I love you’ but Jaebum speaks first. “Let’s talk later, okay?” He says and Youngjae backs way. They look at each other for a long time, both quiet. And Youngjae can’t shake off the feeling that all of their time together and everything they had and said and did.

That it all feels entirely different for both of them. And that if they would speak out their deepest thoughts… they would say entirely different things.

He doesn’t say anything before turning away and getting out of the car. He walks to the building entrance without looking back but he can hear that Jaebum hasn’t left yet. He stops when he is out of sight and peeks around the corner to see the car’s blinker flash and Jaebum pull back into the city traffic.

Only then he takes out his phone and opens Jaebum’s chat window.

He types and sends without thinking much.

“I love you.”

  
  


  
  


Youngjae wiggles his phone in his hands as if he’s weighing it. It’s a shit idea, he’s sure, but he just needs to…

“I think I had a fight with him” he types and sends it.   
“You _think_? How does that work?” The answer doesn’t take long but Youngjae needs a while to formulate the next few sentences. “Well. He asked about us going out on a date. And I was like, I can't be dating you in public. And I think he has a different opinion on that...”  
“And then? Did you argue?” Youngjae is kind of glad to be able to talk to someone. But at the same time he’s scared to be told something that he doesn’t wish to hear.

And somehow this seems to be a thing with Jackson.

“We had sex.” He types back and receives a confused emoji for that. “I seduced him so that we wouldn’t fight.” He explains. It’s easier to confess via text.

“Oh Jesus. You’re some fucked up boy. Guess I dodged the bullet with you, huh?” Youngjae pulls at his hair. “Not helping.” He replies, but Jackson is already typing again. “That’s not how relationships work. If there’s a fight in the air, it’s gonna happen. Just talk it out with him before you two build up your frustrations.”

Youngjae’s head drops. Talk it out. That’s what he feared.

“Does that mean he doesn’t think you two should be hiding from his ex-wife?” Jackson adds after a bit. “Sounds like he wants a real relationship.” Youngjae stares down at the words, forlorn and disappointed. That’s totally what it sounds like.

  
  


Jaebum texts, too. “We have to talk, Youngjae.” He writes and Youngjae ignores it. He doesn’t know what to say yet. Secretly hopes that Jaebum will forget about it after a while. That Jaebum, who is crazy about him, will put being together over everything else.

He does, but doesn’t.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uhm... I learned eventually that arguments, fights, whatever is the hardest thing in the world to write.  
> I mean, I know what's wrong with them and I know what they should be saying so fighting can be avoided, right? But I have to make them do it. Like, talk past one another or they couldn't argue. Woah this is so tough.  
> And, I mean... they haven't even started really ^____^


	9. Make you love me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot happening in this chapter.  
> Some tiny amount of fluff and even tinier smut.  
> And a lot of trouble.  
> And Jinyoung is there and Jackson is, too.  
> It's like a party, but depressing. :D

When Youngjae comes home on Friday afternoon, after some extra hours of work, there’s an unfamiliar pair of shoes in the door. He puts his things away and calls out for Jinyoung. “Did you bring a date?” he asks into the apartment but finds Jinyoung’s bedroom door open and the room empty. He strides towards the kitchen where he hears a low voice.

“Hyung?” he asks as he steps through the doorway and stops dead in his tracks.  
Jinyoung sits at the table, facing him and wearing his pretty actor-smile. Convincingly real and cheerful, but Youngjae knows he only puts it on for show when he wishes to impress people with his handsome face.  
Apart from charming his parents he uses it mostly for hook-ups.

And next to him, body with his back to him, but head turned around to glance over his shoulder at Youngjae… sits Jaebum.

“What the…” Youngjae gasps, eyes meeting Jaebum’s.  
“Hi there, princess” Jinyoung sings lovely enough to make him want to throw up, using the pet name solely to mock him, because he knows Youngjae hates it. “Your friend came by, isn’t that nice?” He does not even need to emphasize the word ‘friend’ or change his tone to make known that he is being sarcastic. “We chatted a little while waiting for you.”

Youngjae wants to strangle him.

“Youngjae-ah” He feels goosebumps travel down his back, all the way from his scalp to his toes and he sees Jinyoung’s tiny shudder from Jaebum’s ridiculously low and sexy voice. “I couldn’t wait to see you, love, so I came here.” Youngjae is certain that even Jinyoung can tell that his words aren’t being sweet, but stern.

Jinyoung gets up. “I think I will leave you to it.” His tone is light and joyful “I am busy anyways. I will be in my room, listening to Death Metal on my headphones.” Then he prances out the door, nudging Youngjae out of the way with a raised eyebrow and throws his bedroom door shut with more force than would be necessary in any situation.

  
  


“Sit, babe.” Jaebum gestures and turns away. Youngjae’s steps are careful. ‘This is my kitchen, don’t tell me to sit!’ He wants to say that but he doesn’t. And he sits.  
“He’s sweet.” Jaebum starts chatting, “Jinyoung. And charming. I’ve met boys like him before. He’s evil, isn’t he?” Youngjae nods timid, staring at the tabletop. “Look at me please, Youngjae. And for god’s sake please talk to me.” Jaebum’s voice is soft, sincere.

Youngjae takes a deep breath and looks up with a sigh. “I need you to answer, Youngjae.” His eyes struggle to drop down onto the table again, because somehow it needs a lot of strength to keep looking at Jaebum. He doesn’t want to.  
“Did you keep me locked away in secret? Because of your sister?”

  
  


Youngjae doesn’t know how that is worth a question. It’s pretty obvious. “Well yes, obviously!” he mourns defensively, “I don’t know why that is something you need to ask.” He’s angry and he shows it. Jaebum looks back at him with his slightly squinted eyes. “Did you think I would run around telling everyone about dating…… About you?” he clenches his teeth and looks away eventually.

“That really hurts.” Jaebum states and when Youngjae glances up behind his lashes he sees that Jaebum, too, looks in a different direction. “Do you really want to say that… still, after all these years we shouldn’t be together, because of your sister?” he asks. Youngjae mumbles “How could we?” as an answer.

“Well, I don’t know. Just like that. How we’ve _been_ together for the past 3 weeks, maybe?” he sounds a little angry now, too “Just like… it’s been _years_ since I was with your sister. I divorced her and she’s married, you told me that! Let it go!”  
“Let it go?!” Youngjae scoffs and gives him a disbelieving look, sitting up on the edge of his chair. “So you think she’s a person you can leave behind you and move on? She might be your ex, but she is _still my sister_! That didn’t change!”  
  
  


“But some things change” he gives back, “It’s been a long time.” “Then what is it?” Youngjae wants to know, raising his voice “How do you think a bit of passing time makes it okay? You always thought it was okay, don’t you? It was easy for you to cheat on her. You would have cheated back then if not for me holding you back!”

“I didn’t think it was okay back then. I cheated on her heart, if not her body and I’m sorry. I was so sorry about how everything turned out. That’s one of the reasons I left. But that’s over now. It's in the past and I’m nothing to your sister anymore. I’m _yours_ now.” Jaebum’s jaw clenches like it does when he’s mad, but Youngjae shakes his head. “And where exactly is that point where it started being okay?” he inquires weary. “If you seriously thought it was okay to date me, why not come and find me, huh? Why not contact me and tell me just that? You didn't show up at some point to tell me: Now is the moment where we're suddenly over the hill of hurting your sis. Now date me, please. Which tells me, pretty clearly that you know, just like _me_ , how wrong it is.”

  
  


Jaebum gets up from his chair. He plants himself before him. Menacing.  
“I knew. Always. That it was harder for you than for me. I knew you were upset about your sister. And it makes sense. She's your family. So I waited for you. If it had been up to me, I would have returned after 2 days to make you mine. But I knew I couldn’t do that. So instead I waited. Don’t tell me you didn’t have the chance to contact me yourself. I waited! Until you were ready.”  
Youngjae doesn’t want to listen. He’s worked up and angry. He doesn’t listen when he’s angry. He doesn’t want to be argued with. Doesn’t want to hear if he’s wrong. He’s in the right, he knows that. He tries to cut him off. “Don't make it my responisbility!” he throws in, but Jaebum won’t have it.

“Shut up and listen!” Jaebum orders and Youngjae’s mouth actually shuts close over the intimidating tone.  
“You didn’t. When I saw you first at my workplace I thought - You’d finally come for me. To tell me that you’re ready. Boy, do you know of my disappointment when I learnt that it was an accident? I was devastated, then. BUT in the end you did… After all you came to me. Talked to me. Followed me. And fucked me. You stayed. You kissed me. You told me that you love me and I think. You know what I think? I think that you _finally_ solved your conflicts. Figured out your feelings. You were willing to be with me. And now you sit there, smug, asking me where I got the idea that we could be dating? Do you know just how ridiculous you are?”

  
  


“It’s all so easy in your world!” Youngjae spits. Jaebum is trying to make him the bad guy, isn’t he? “You’re the cheater. Not me. You can’t get yourself out of that by pretending you were looking out for my feelings.” He’s tired. He doesn’t want to see Jaebum right now. He gets up and pokes him in the chest once. ”It’s not my fault that it’s so easy for you to deceive my sister. That you can look her in the eyes and tell her what you’ve done to her. I can’t. And you can’t expect me to do that. It's not fair of you. You say it's up to me to decide when I am ready to break her heart. Well, I am not!!”

He walks past him towards the door. “Get out.” He mumbles on the way.  
“Is that really it?” Jaebum asks after him, voice unclear. “Is it really because you’re afraid to hurt her? Or are you just using it as an excuse?” And then, voice getting louder “If you can't be with me, why fuck me, HUH?! Use me and get rid of me with a phony excuse!”

Youngjae turns around one last time.

“Fuck you” He says and slips into the bedroom. Jinyoung is really wearing his headphones and nodding to some beat until Youngjae throws himself next to him on the bed. Jinyoung takes them off and looks down at him, analyzing.  
“I’ll get him out.” He says. Sometimes Youngjae wonders if he can read minds. He puts the headphones on, because he doesn’t want to hear it and only comes back from the deafening noises when Jinyoung returns and pulls them off.

  
  


“It’s not like I needed that handsome boy wonder to ring at my doorbell to come to that conclusion, but…”Jinyoung who seated himself next to Youngjae’s head looks down and places a hand on his shoulder. “That guy’s not your sex friend.”

Youngjae shakes his head in agony. “I do remember Jaebum as the name of the guy who was apparently your first love in high-school. That him?” Youngjae nods in agony. “So he’s your ex. But now you’re dating?” Youngjae cries out and boxes Jinyoung’s thigh. Then again and once more. Jinyoung casually catches his fists in mid-air and holds his wrists tightly. He’s too fond of Youngjae to be mad, but he thoughtfully looks at him. “I guess that one's pending. I can’t help you, Jae, because you never told me the reason for not being able to be with him.”

Youngjae knows that. He sobs. Jinyoung lets his hands slide back onto the mattress where they stay, motionless like the rest of him. Jinyoung doesn’t do it often, not with him at least, they’re just not in that kind of an intimate relationship. But he slips down and wraps his arms around him to hold him in a tight hug.

He doesn’t pressure him, but he promises that he would do everything required to make him better. And Youngjae is more than grateful.

  
  


Youngjae is pining for the rest of the day. He lounges around in the living room to watch TV, which doesn’t succeed in taking his mind off Jaebum. Jinyoung planned to go out. He asks if he should stay in. Asks if Youngjae wants to come along. Asks if he should invite Mark over instead and hang together. Youngjae ‘No’s all of them. “Just go have fun, Hyung. And greet Mark.”

When the door falls shut behind him, Youngjae takes out his phone. Jaebum texted, but he doesn’t bother to read. He types a short message instead. “We fought.” It says and he sends it to Jackson.

“Told you.” He answers after quite a while. And before Youngjae can press a single button, his phone rings in his hand. There’s a brief moment, just a split second thought that has his heart race. But it’s not Jaebum. It’s Jackson himself. He picks up and makes an obnoxiously tortured sound. “Wow, what a greeting” Jackson complains. “You’re one really cheerful person, aren’t you?”

“My life sucks!” Youngjae whines in frustration, but Jackson just “Tsk”s. “Don’t be too dramatic here. You were having an argument with your hubby, that’s like the normalestest thing in the world.” He’s unsure whether Jackson is trying to mock him or cheer him up, but it makes him cranky. “So I guess he didn’t want to accept that you want to keep your little affair a secret, huh?”

“Yeah kind of” Youngjae mumbles, discouraged. “He blamed me for leading him on or something.” Jackson hums. “Well, you did, didn’t you?” “Not you, as well! Can’t there be someone who tells me I’m right here?” Youngjae groans back at him, throwing himself down on the sofa. “How could I know that he didn’t think the same about our situation.”

“But what _are_ you thinking?” Jackson inquires, “I still don’t know exactly. Do _you_ even?” Youngjae thinks about that for a while.

“I don’t want to lose him, but… I can’t date him officially…” He concludes.

“So, you want to keep it a secret?”

Youngjae shakes his head about that. A habit. “Hell no, I hate secrets.” Jackson huffs “What then?” Youngjae takes a few deep breaths. “I don’t know.” He confesses. “I don’t know exactly. I thought we'd figure it out together, but… He just blames me and thinks we’re free to go and… I hate it that he takes it so lightly and… he doesn’t help at all…” It feels so fucking good to say that.

This time Jackson takes a while to answer. “Maybe you should tell  _him_ that.” He says softly at some point. “I understand that you’re helpless. Overburdened. But he’s probably hurt because he thinks you’re playing him.” Youngjae sighs. “Yeah… Guess so…”

“Better?” Jackson wants to know, back to being cheery. “Honestly, I’m such a great dude. Insightful, smart, handsome. One day you will look back and despair over having let me go.” Youngjae doesn’t want to. But he laughs. It’s just a small, dry chuckle, but it helps. “Thank you.” He voices carefully, showing that he means it before they hang up and he wishes Jackson a fun night, who –his words- is going to the party of the century.

  
  


Youngjae digs through the fridge and cupboards, opens himself a beer and settles back in front of the TV. He just wants to ease his mind a bit, but after the beer he has another one and another one and some more. He’s drunk, okay? Completely. Getting drunk by yourself is the first step to becoming an alcoholic. Youngjae glares at the empty bottle as if it was its fault.

Then he needs to pee and when he exits the bathroom he grabs his keys and wallet and puts on his shoes and calls a cab.

It's quiet in the hall. Dark as well, but he can't find the switch so he climbs up the stairs in the darkness, counting the floors. He fails, but only notices after he smashed the wrong code 3 times and eventually returns to the stairs to go up another level. He still needs two attempts until he hears the beep and pushes the apartment door open.

It's just as silent and black inside, but he doesn't want to turn on the light. He shuffles his shoes off as quiet as he can manage, though he thinks he's probably making a lot of noise. He pulls his sweater over his head while making his way through the living room slowly to not hurt himself and drops it to the floor. His sweatpants follow. He never bothered to change out of his comfy clothes.

Carefully he opens the bedroom door in just his underwear, the chilly air evoking goosebumps. On the other hand, maybe that's the anticipation. The longer the taxi ride took and the stairs and the walking, the more he felt the urge to feel. To just feel those fingertips grazing his skin, feel the lips, dry and warm pressing to his own. He makes his way to the bed. Surprisingly enough, Jaebum is fast asleep. His breathing is steady, soft and in the blue-ish moonlight that falls on his peaceful features he looks like a damn painting.

That is, until Youngjae tugs on the blanket on the one side to lift it up enough to slip underneath. Jaebum stirs and jerks awake in a split-second. He jumps, sits up and his arm comes flying down on Youngjae, hitting him right in the chest, knocking the air from his lungs and making him tumble back.  
With a frightened yelp he falls off the corner of the bed and crashes to the floor. The impact shakes his whole body and he lands unlucky on his tailbone, pain shooting all the way up from there.

Jaebum hand flies to his nightstand and switches the lamp on. The light hurts Youngjae's eyes after the darkness and he covers them with a hand, whimpering unhappily. Jaebum's voice is raw from sleep, drowsy when he says “Youngjae?”

Said person robs over to the nightstand himself, fidgeting for the light switch to turn it off again so he can uncover his eyes. He sniffs and stretches his arms onto the bed to find something to hold onto. “Hyung...” He complains. And if Jaebum were anything near a sane person he would scold him. Be mad or upset at least. But he's not sane. He reaches down to grab around Youngjae's torso to pull him up on the bed.

It is only then, when Youngjae finally sinks into his arms that he relaxes. Tension falling off eventually as he fiddles himself underneath the blanket and presses the entirety of his body against Jaebum's warmth. “'m sorry.” He has the decency to mutter. Most of his rationality is gone, even though the harsh impact with the floor cleared his head a little. Jaebum just holds him. “Baby, are you drunk?” His voice is still sleep-ridden. Youngjae nods against his chest. He's feeling dizzy now that he is lying down.

“You're such a stupid little boy” Youngjae isn't sure exactly but he thinks he hears affection. “Even if we fight” he musters up to speak and it takes a lot of strength, “I'm not happy without you.” He presses his lips to Jaebum's chest, then his neck, not really because he wants to but because he needs to work his way up to find his lips. He pulls him into a sloppy kiss when he finally does. It's very wet and makes a lot of gross sounds, but Youngjae doesn't care. His head is spinning and he is not sure if it's the alcohol or Jaebum that's responsible. “You smell” Jaebum lets him know in a breathtake pause “And you taste disgusting.” Youngjae hums an “I heard you” sound, but he doesn't give a fuck. He just keeps kissing. And Jaebum holds him close, one arm around his chest, the other hand on the small of his back and Youngjae wraps his legs all the way around his hips and they kiss.

And besides Youngjae's original intention it doesn't feel even the slightest bit sexual. It's just very heartfelt and very intimate. They kiss and kiss and Youngjae digs his hands into Jaebum’s hair and Jaebum holds their chests pressed together and Youngjae relishes in the warmth it provides and the tingling of his skin and even the drunken dizziness that makes his head light as a feather and his heart race. And he settles, once and for all in his mind. That no matter what happens, no matter the circumstances, he wants to be with Jaebum. All the time.

If only he were sober.

His eyes fell shut a long time ago and the kiss becomes lazier, the movements of their lips and tongues slower. And at some point Youngjae legit falls asleep.

  
  


Jaebum is very soft the next morning and Youngjae is hung over. Jaebum brings him water and cuts some fruit for a healthy breakfast. “Thanks Hyung” and “I love you” Youngjae mumbles more than once. Jaebum allows him to take his time in the shower and when he emerges, steaming, damp and nude he finds Jaebum on the sofa staring into his phone. Youngjae allows him to gaze up and down his naked body while he lazily dries his hair with a towel.

His head is still pounding and his stomach feels sick, but he’s good at ignoring it. Jaebum pretends to be unaffected, so Youngjae climbs on top of him and scatters kisses over his face, more cute than anything else. His body isn’t capable of feeling arousal, not with the hangover stinging behind his forehead and the furry feeling in his guts like he swallowed the otter plushie whole. But he wants to do it for Jaebum.

He can’t not be affected when Youngjae curves his naked gloriousness into him and Jaebum eventually sits up properly to touch his skin, phone falling away. Youngjae settles over his thighs and unwraps his most favorite toy carefully, peeling Jaebum’s boxers away and evokes low grunting noises by wrapping his fingers around the base of his cock. He slides his hand up and down, thumbs at the head while they take turns bruising each other’s neck with feverish lovebites. And Jaebum reaches around him and shoves two of his fingers through Youngjae’s entrance and he doesn’t complain because he can feel the hard cock twitch in his hand the moment his fingertips break through the muscle and enter him and Jaebum makes a low groan in the back of his throat.

Youngjae jerks him off expertly, makes him moan and thrust his hand upwards as he obviously enjoys fingering him and Youngjae clenches his hole around him and makes him moan more and flicks his wrists and Jaebum’s teeth eventually bury into the skin between his neck and shoulder and don’t let go until he comes over Youngjae’s hand with a deep groan. He breathes against the wet skin while pulling his fingers out and gently strokes Youngjae’s naked back.

Youngjae wipes his hand off on Jaebum’s clothes and tugs his dick back before putting his legs sideways to snuggle into his lap properly.

  
  


It takes a while, but eventually Jaebum speaks. “We can’t do this forever.” He says, quiet, tender. But for Youngjae it feels like he’s shouting at him, all his hard work in vain. He doesn’t answer, pretends to not be listening.

“I love being with you like this, baby. I enjoy every moment with you. And I know how much you love it, too. I do. But this won’t work. Not long term…” Jaebum does hold him while he speaks, but Youngjae feels cold in his embrace.

“I don’t want to pressure you, Youngjae-ah….” Youngjae hears the ‘but’ before it’s voiced “But I need to. I have to. This won’t work out, _ever_ , unless you settle things with your sister.”

He shakes his head. He doesn’t want to. He’s not sure how long it will take Jaebum to persuade him, but he is not there yet, even if faltering. “I know you wouldn’t forgive me if I told her. Don’t think I don’t want to. I know I can’t. I know it won’t do any good.” Jaebum rocks him and soothes him. His resistance swindles. But then Jaebum destroys it all.

  
  


“If you really loved me, you’d tell her.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arguments are so, so tough to write.
> 
> Right now they're both stubborn.  
> But we'll learn a lot about feelings the next chapter.  
> :D


	10. Shit happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I am sorry.  
> I know this chapter took forever, butttttt... I was busy with other stuff.  
> Not stressful stuff. Fun stuff. Meaning I was too lazy :D
> 
> I'm getting more desperate nearing the end. I know of a few things I need to happen, but I don't know how exactly. Writing goes tough on me. In between I started like 7 other stories of which most are going to be scrapped anyways. I just can't concentrate on one thing.  
> So expect the last 2 chapters to take this long as well. Sorry again.

Youngjae’s face heats up. His heart contracts, feels as if someone crumbles it in their fist. He rips himself from Jaebum’s arms and stumbles to his feet. He doesn’t give a fuck that he’s still nude when he rises, towers over Jaebum, larger than he actually is. “ _If I love you_?!” He spits out, viciously. Anger floods his senses. Who is Jaebum to tell him what he ought to do? Jaebum does not get to decide about his feelings. That’s blackmailing.

Jaebum is dumbfounded, stares up at him like a fish, lips opening and closing without a sound, eyes large.

Youngjae turns away, grabs his clothes that Jaebum folded neatly and left on the sofa’s armrest. “Fuck you, Jaebum.” He says, spares them polite language. “Guess you’re right.” He states while putting on his shoes, grabbing his stuff. “Maybe this won’t work.”

It’s his goodbye. He doesn’t say one. He storms out the door and throws it shut too forceful.

  


He gets a lot of stares on his way home. He sits in the subway with his sofa-sweatpants. No jacket, no socks. He doesn’t wanna know what they’d all think if they knew he isn’t wearing any underpants either. His hair is still slightly damp. But his face is dry.

He doesn’t feel like crying yet. He knows he will eventually, but now he’s just angry. He rejects Jaebum’s calls, puts his phone on mute and shoves it into his pocket.

  


“There you are, you slutty boy.” Jinyoung greets him happily when he steps inside. “I knew you’d go and make up.” He’s standing in the hallway, chest and feet bare and skin littered with bruises, hair messy and holding a cup of coffee in one hand.

Youngjae looks through him, absently. Doesn’t want to know about his adventure. Jinyoung’s smile fades. “Didn’t make up?” He asks and Youngjae shakes his head, lips pressed into a thin line and he can feel his eyes get glossy.

“You gotta get out, Jaeyoon, I have a bro-mergency!” Jinyoung calls loudly into the kitchen and sets his coffee away to pull at Youngjae’s arms, maneuver him over into the living room and onto the sofa. Youngjae, disinterested notices a man emerge from the kitchen, or rather a boy. He looks awfully young and shy. “It’s Yoobin.” He says, aghast but timid. “That wasn’t even close, Hyung.” Jinyoung waves it off. “Yeah whatever, darling. Get out now, I’ll call you.” Youngjae looks over Jinyoung’s shoulder and meets the boy’s eyes. They’re thin, but charming and sit in a pretty face with sharp features, framed by long black strands of hair.

Youngjae blinks slowly and then subtly, hardly noticeable shakes his head. The boy’s gaze drops to the floor, but he nods in understanding before he turns away to leave.

“Now tell me” Jinyoung says in his kind voice that is reserved for people he actually likes. Mostly it’s just him and Mark though. And Youngjae finds himself lucky that he, unlike many other people, did not end up as one of his Hyung’s flings but as his friend instead. He bans Yoobin’s face from his memory immediately, letting his features fade away; like;- he wouldn’t have brain capacity to remember how to walk if he remembered all of Jinyoung’s hook-ups.

He knows he’s not being fair being secretive. But he’s just yet not ready. “Jaebum… asked me to do something that I don’t wanna do…” Jinyoung gasps over his words and Youngjae shudders, because he knows what Jinyoung is thinking now, “to prove him that I love him… And no, Hyung” He adds with emphasis, “It’s not about something kinky.”

  


“Like…” Jinyoung contemplates, “Quitting your job and moving to Sweden with him?” Youngjae chuckles and leans his head against his shoulder. “Look, puppy. I don’t know much about you two. But I remember the first time you told me about him. Your face, your voice. It’s the first time I’ve seen that side you. The one that isn’t cheerful and positive like I got to know you. You’ve been hurt. But I also realized that your feelings were sincere. And since I met him yesterday I know that he feels the same.” Jinyoung speaks low and kind. In the way that soothes, eases someone’s mind. He wishes he could speak to people like that. “It’s been all over his face and the way he spoke about you. I don’t know how you two hurt each other, but he didn’t sway a second in his sincerity about you.”

Youngjae sighs deeply. He wishes, really does, that that was all that they needed. That just loving one another is enough. Or as Jaebum would put it. That Love conquers all.

“What does he want you to do?” Jinyoung asks eventually. But Youngjae just shakes his head. “What in the world can be so terrible that you can’t tell _me_?” Jinyoung inquires, but he’s not upset. He never is. People interpret it as indifference, disinterest. Yet Youngjae knows better. It’s silent for a moment, then Jinyoung says: “That boy from before. Jeongho.” Youngjae’s lips twitch into a weak smile over the false name. “We both know I am never gonna call him. I promised to give him the stars from the sky and when we fucked I looked into his eyes and watched him fall in love with me. And yet he’s never going to see me again. You know why?” Youngjae nods, but Jinyoung still continues “Because I am as evil as can be. I collect souls. I seduce them and destroy them, because I am bad. What the hell can have happened to you that makes you feel it’s been worse than what I’ve done? Because I know you, puppy. You shine as bright as the sun and you’re warm and kind and nothing you’ve ever done will make you worse a person than I am.”

Tears dwell in Youngjae’s eyes. Jinyoung is a cheesy idiot. A lovable fool. “Remember when you said his face looked familiar?” He mumbles quietly “You have seen him before… In my sister’s wedding photos…” He hears Jinyoung suck in a sharp breath of surprise, but still adds “He was her first husband.”

“Wow…” Jinyoung states, breathless and then, to Youngjae’s utter surprise “Gosh, you’re a real piece of shit, puppy.” Youngjae’s head flies up and he stares back at Jinyoung with large eyes, shook. “You seduced your own sister’s ex?” Jinyoung asks, disbelieving. “Wait… you did that back when you were a teenager and that’s why they broke up?” “I didn’t seduce him!” Youngjae cries out, “He fell in love with me! I didn’t… We didn’t… EVER!”

He inches away from Jinyoung, shaking. “But did he break up with her because of you?” Jinyoung wants to know; relentless, mean, eyebrows raised questioning. Youngjae’s mouth falls open. With wet eyes and a numb feeling in his body, he nods.

Jinyoung scoffs. His face is closed off, arrogant. “Don’t tell me, puppet, that you don’t know you’re scum.” Youngjae's ears are ringing and tears start to fall. The words hurt and he didn't expect them. He can't grasp Jinyoung being so mean. But one thing is even worse.

He knows that it's true.

“I am...” he cries and scoots away from Jinyoung. “I'm a piece of shit.” He admits and sobs pitiful. But it is only when his crying turns into obnoxious wails like a child that Jinyoung tackles him from the other end of the sofa and they land painfully knocking their bones together and he wraps his arms around Youngjae and calls him “Stupid.”

“Stupid little boy” Jinyoung sighs. “I knew it. You never get so mad at someone for something bad they did. You never argue with someone you think made a mistake.” Youngjae pulls up his nose in confusion. “Don't you hate me?” he asks, struggling with Jinyoung's sudden changes in personality. Sweet to cold to kind.

“Of course not. Nobody hates you, Youngjae-puppy. Nobody hates you but yourself.” Jinyoung soothingly rubs his back as he pulls him back to sit upright. Youngjae tries to look at him through his blurred vision. “I do...” he mumbles weakly. “And there's your problem.” Jinyoung states. If not helpful, he sounds at least content with himself. “You're ashamed that you stole your sister's lover and you blame it onto _him_ , because you can't deal with the thought of her finding out.”

Youngjae stops crying eventually. “I'm still mad at him.” He mumbles quietly. It cannot all be his fault. Jaebum must have made mistakes. He can't be responsible for their fight alone. “Of course you are.” Jinyoung luckily doesn't argue. “But it's only when you two know what's the real reason behind a fight that you can solve it.” Youngjae hums. “But that also means it'll be harder for you to talk to your sister.”

Youngjae pulls away. “WHAT?!” he asks, eyes huge. It always comes back to that, doesn't it? Just now he thought making up with Jaebum should be easy.

“Look, honey.” Jinyoung says soothingly. Youngjae low-key wonders how Jinyoung, whom he never told the truth for such a long time knows so much about his situation. “I know a shit ton about men's feelings. And don't give me that look. Just because I don't date it doesn't mean I don't know about how love works. And I'm telling you. You can't _make_ a person fall in love with you. It wasn't your decision that he had feelings for you. And also... If you ask me, he's very much gay. And that's not your fault.”

“What if she hates me?” Youngjae asks, soothed but not entirely convinced. “She won't.” Jinyoung does something he's never done. He places a gentle kiss on his temple. “She loves you. Nobody could hate you.”

  


  


Youngjae is contemplating for a while. Fighting with himself. But the universe decides to make the decision for him.

His mum calls. “Son, your sister is coming to visit us next weekend. Will you also come home? Your nephew is already excited.” Youngjae doesn't hesitate. Doesn't even think. “Of course.” Family responsibilities go before all else, don't they?

  


“I did it again.” Youngjae texts when he is lying in bed and can't sleep. “Fucked your way out of a fight?” Jackson is as obnoxious as always. “Not really. I mean I tried, but I was so drunk I kind of just fell asleep.”

“Holy fuck. Why does that guy like you in the first place?” Jackson asks and sends a confused emoji. Youngjae scoffs to himself. “Because I fuck good. Probably.”

And he adds. “Okay, here's the thing. My roommate says that I am angry at myself for stealing my sister's husband and that I am projecting my hate onto Jaebum. Or something.”

“Wow. Your roommate sounds smart. And insightful. Like me. Is he hot? Single?” The messages come in seconds-intervals. One with every point. “This is about me.” He responds.

“Well. Shouldn't it be easy to make up now if you just tell him that?” Why is everything so easy to everyone?

“First of all.” Youngjae types aggressively. “I am not going to take all the blame here. He tried to force me into confessing to my sister! I have every right to be angry and I am not going to be the one giving in about everything just like that! He was the one who said, quote, If I really loved him I would tell her. End quote.”

Jackson sends three dots first. And next “Did he really say that?” And when Youngjae answers a simple 'Yes' he finally writes. “Wow, what an ass. That's one shitty line. Why do you even like that guy?”

Youngjae doesn't need to answer that question, because he just keeps sending. “I guess he fucks good. Get it. I do too by the way. You can forward that to your roommate if you want.” Youngjae shakes his head in disbelief. Not over Jackson, because he understands his way of thought by now. He does about himself, because he just won't stop talking to the guy.

“Forget Jinyoung. He's an evil vixen who will suck your soul from your body. He breaks guy's hearts for sports.” He warns him. “Anything to say about my disastrous relationship here?”

“I don't see your problem. Just tell him that like I told you last time. And one tip. Don't text that. Texting destroys relationships. Meet him or call him. Tell him why you are hurt and apologize for hurting him and ta-daaa. Then you can fuck without a bad conscience.” As Youngjae reads that he legit ponders why he fought with Jaebum in the first place. Now it seems like there's not really anything standing between them. He thinks of the week-end ahead. A week-end with his sister. And it will be the first time he sees her since he met Jaebum.

The day he walked into Jaebum's office seems like it was years ago.

Will he even be able to look her in the eyes? He shoved that thought so far into the back of his mind. He separated them. In his head. Built a wall between Jaebum and Noona and would only ever think about one of them. Apart. He can't really avoid it now, can he?

Jackson types again. It's become somewhat normal that Youngjae just stops texting whenever he's got enough of Jackson's advice, so he looks at his phone, waiting.

“About your roommate though. Where does he suck my soul from?”

  


  


He opens Jaebum's Chat window only the next day. There are a lot of messages to look over. He really just wants to tell him that he is willing to talk, but one message catches his eyes. “I'm sorry about saying that, babe. It was mean.”

Great. Jaebum apologizes first. Who's the bad guy now again?

  


He dismisses the chat.  
He drives Jinyoung to work the next morning and thanks him for lending him his car. He thanks his coworkers a million times for covering him so he can leave his workplace early and he drives all the way through the city to arrive at Jaebum's office before he leaves. Jaebum doesn't want to always be in his apartment? Fine.

The clerk girl is friendly and gives him a visitor's pass without questioning him when he says that he came just for a visit. Finding the way to Jaebum's office is easy. He doesn't knock, because he didn't knock last time and opens the door with force.

He startles a young boy sitting in front of the desk, back towards him. But he flies around and stares at him with large, surprised eyes. Youngjae frowns and takes a step back to check the door-sign again. It says “Im Jaebum” still. Like last time. Then he turns to the boy again, who stood up and stands surprisingly confident and relaxed. When his eyes aren't the size of a football his face doesn't look that awfully young anymore. He's just very tiny.

  
“Where's Jaebum?” Youngjae asks, probably a bit too unfriendly. But he gave himself the pep talk the whole care ride and took so many deep breaths that he almost passed out. He needs this over with now.  
The boy... young man states “Bathroom?” with an obvious question mark at the end. Only now Youngjae notices that the boy... young man has been sitting in a second chair that was stuffed next to Jaebum's in front of the computer. Youngjae steps inside without taking his eyes off the guy. He follows him with his eyes as well, all through the room where Youngjae decides to lean against the wall.

“I'll wait.” He says simply.

If anyone ever needs a dictionary-definition of 'awkward', this should do.

The boy waits for a moment, opens his mouth and closes it again and then, thankfully the door opens again and Jaebum saves the day. “Jesus, I am sorry BamBam, I cannot take a single step through the corridor without someone....” He shuts up immediately when he spots Youngjae standing at the opposite wall and he stops in his tracks, half the way to his chair. Youngjae spares him the awkwardness.

“I wanted to talk to you.” He says as neutral as possible. And with a head-gesture in the boy's... young man's direction he adds. “Alone.”

  


BamBam, which is a weird name, doesn't wait for Jaebum's order. He stalks towards the door, _way_ too curious looking and grins at Youngjae in an undefined smugness through the crack of the door while closing it.

“He's the one that got your job.” Jaebum says without being asked. There's a feeling in Youngjae's guts that could be defined as jealousy, but it's in the wrong place. Plus. There's worse ahead.

  


“I'm sorry, babe.” Jaebum states calmly and Youngjae shakes his head. “I know, I read.” He answers mechanically. “Look.” He keeps going. “That was a shit thing to say of you. And it was a shit thing of me to blame you for my bad conscience about making you cheat on my sister. And I am sorry. And you are sorry.” That’s all, isn’t it?

Jaebum frowns, mouth slightly opened. “When did you make me cheat?” He wants to know. It’s somehow the most unimportant thing right now. “In my mind or something. I don’t know.” Youngjae takes a deep breath. It’s easier with Jackson, really.

“I can’t follow, Youngjae-ah.” Jaebum states eventually, thoughtful. “If I were to lead this conversation, I would tell you that it scared me shitless to think that you don’t love me.” Youngjae looks away. Cheese much? “The past weeks with you were like paradise, you know? I was so perfectly happy. And suddenly there was something that got between us. And I wanted to get rid of that before it harms us. Me. I thought maybe you were playing me. Or maybe it was all just sex. That’s why I said such a shitty line.”

Youngjae pouts. How is he ever going to win the upper hand when Jaebum is so truthfully heartfelt? “It hurts me.” He answers, eyebrows knotted. “That you question my feelings. And that you have no understanding for my situation.” Jaebum nods. Youngjae adds. “I do love you.” He finally looks back in his face. Jaebum smiles. Was that it?

  


“Youngjae” Jaebum’s voice softens. “I am gay, you know?” Youngjae tilts his head in confusion. “Never meeting you or even if you didn’t exist wouldn’t change anything. I am gay even though I didn’t know it when I met her. But I would have had to leave her sooner or later. Because of you…. At least it happened early. And not after 10 years of marriage and three kids. It was better like that.” Youngjae looks to the ground. “You’re just saying that.” He pretends it doesn’t ease his mind.

“Do I seem straight to you?” Jaebum asks, tone mocking. Youngjae, with a grin, nods. “YOU!” Jaebum yells softly and in two large steps he is at him and scoops him into his arms and Youngjae finally lets his body sink against Jaebum and nudges their cheeks together.

 

“Let's press pause, okay?” he asks against Jaebum's skin. “Hmh?” Jaebum finds the soft spot behind his ear for a kiss.

“We can make up, but... Our situation didn't change.” Youngjae says after a quiet sigh. “Let me be with you for a little longer.” Jaebum detaches them from one another and looks at him, conflicted. “Look. I don't know, okay? I don't know what will happen in the future, how we will make it work. But for now, let's just... Continue like we did.” Youngjae looks up at him pleading. “Just us. Nobody else, okay?” Jaebum bites his lip in contemplation, but Youngjae begs him with his eyes. “Please.” He says.

 

Eventually Jaebum nods, very slowly and Youngjae pulls him into a kiss. He drives his hands through Jaebum's hair when their lips melt together. Jaebum's fingers slide under the hem of his shirt without hesitation. Like a habit he rubs his palms over the skin on his back. Youngjae just so remembers they're _not_ in Jaebum's place. When Jaebum presses their fronts together with a little too much force and his tongue glides into his mouth hot and eager, he attempts to pull away. “Hyung...” he breathes out, “There's no lock in your door.”

Jaebum's eyes are already lidded when he looks at him again. He nods feverish. Then he lets him go and walks over to the door to open it. The boy his still standing outside and Jaebum says, perfectly casual “I'll let you off early on Friday, BamBam.” And then, and Youngjae winces in embarrassment “Guard the door.” He slams it shut and in a split-second he is back with Youngjae, hands pulling at his shirt and body shoving him backwards.

 

“Hyung, are you crazy?” he squeaks, but his shirt is already all the way up and Jaebum leans down to find his nipple for a play and fingers scramble for his pants. Youngjae's back hits the desk and he gasps at the impact with the edge, hands clutching to Jaebum's shoulders.  
He sat here. Just a little while ago and mildly fantasized about just this.

Jaebum's hot tongue slides over his nipple and has him sigh and his pants are being torn open and pulled down. Jaebum's fingers curl around his member and his head comes up to steal another kiss. Youngjae feels the little resistance he ever had go down the drain. Jaebum is panting already, against his lips when they break the kiss for a second, just to continue it, more heated each time. Youngjae moans softly, feels himself harden in Jaebum's grasp and reaches for his jeans in return. The button takes some fumbling, Youngjae's fingers are uncoordinated. Jaebum squeezes him in his grip and Youngjae's hands fall back to clutch at the edge of the table and when his head lolls back he feels those restless lips on his throat, sucking bruises into his skin.

Youngjae is hardening in Jaebum’s hand while letting out rough gasps. He tries to keep them soundless, even though they are heavy. He’s aware that the boy outside can hear everything and a part of him _wants_ him to hear, but the reasonable part of his brain tells him to shut the fuck up. Jaebum’s lips and hands on him are not enough. He tugs on his shirt and pulls him closer, so their bodies meet, feeling like he needs more contact, more skin. Jaebum’s fingers lose their hold on him, but it doesn’t matter, he’s all ready by now. Youngjae rubs his whole front against Jaebum’s, frustrated with the amount of clothing between them.

Jaebum pants into his ear, softly, while his teeth don’t seem to want to stop bruising the side of his neck. He sucks hickeys onto his skin and leaves marks where he bites a little too roughly, a little too possessive. Youngjae bites his own fist to not moan too loudly while his hips react on their own, seeking Jaebum for friction, rutting up against him.

Youngjae slithers out of his grip. Impatient. He drops to his knees casually, pulling Jaebum’s pants down with him. There isn’t much that needs to be done. Jaebum, too, is already way too excited. His fingers curl into his hair immediately, before Youngjae even darts his tongue out to lick at the head. Jaebum’s length fits into his mouth perfectly. He sucks the tip between his lips and breathless sounds find their way into his ears in response.

He grips at the base and guides him deeper into his mouth until Jaebum groans quietly. He hardens quickly until he’s fully erect and ready. So is Youngjae. He gets a hold of himself with his free hand. It’s weird because he doesn’t use his left hand for that usually and moans softly around the length in his mouth.

Jaebum tugs his hair tightly and Youngjae braces himself for taking him deeper, but instead he pulls him off. The erection slides out between his lips and Jaebum draws him to his feet. Youngjae scrambles to stand, but he’s being pushed backwards and when his bottom hits the edge of the table again, Jaebum lifts him up to set him on top of the desk. He steps away enough to be able to rid him off his pants, all the way down his feet and slips between his knees once it’s gone. Youngjae’s thighs spread almost on their own as his mind is too stunned. Jaebum really means it.

 

“You can take it, right?”, Jaebum whispers hoarsely against his lips and kisses him again right after. Youngjae can only nod. The fire under his skin is burning again. Being with Jaebum is still exciting, still somehow new each time. He’s not sure he could ever grow tired of it. Ever not feel this heat and want and the anticipation of having Jaebum fill him up. Jaebum doesn’t need to push him or guide him. He lets himself fall back on his own, the exposed parts of his skin making him shiver at the contact with the cold surface of the tabletop.

Jaebum coats his cock with some spit and the pure view has Youngjae pull his knees up expectantly, offering his butt to him. He also wets his fingers and smears some over his rim, making Youngjae flinch at the sudden contact. Jaebum leaves it at that, guides his tip to his entrance. Youngjae bites down on his bottom lip to keep himself from making too much sound, eyes shut fiercely. Nonetheless, when he enters him slowly they both groan deeply. Jaebum’s hands find their way into the crook of his hips, holding him back against the pushing.

He’s not as careful anymore as he was before and it hurts. Youngjae’s nails drag desperately over the desk for something to hold on. He finds the edge, fingers curling around it, tensing. Jaebum pulls him closer until the curve of his butt slides over the edge too and he can snap his hips forward to push inside him until he bottoms out. No matter how much he tries to keep it in, Youngjae emits a pained yelp from the force.

“Fuck!” he curses under his breath and peeks up at Jaebum, whose brows are knitted into a deep frown. He drags his palms over the skin of his thighs, feverish, lifts his legs up higher, apologetically kissing their insides, his knees and calves.

He rolls his hips, slightly, burying himself deep in Youngjae's insides and he curses some more. It's not thrusting even, just a grinding motion, Youngjae can feel him move inside, hole tightly clenched around the base of Jaebum's thick cock.

 Youngjae moves against him, hips twitching in an attempt to ease the strain. “...kay” he mumbles eventually.

It's rough and raw once Jaebum starts to thrust into him for real. Youngjae's soundless moans are frequent and his entire body is tense. He is awfully aware of the rough surface he's settled on and his flexed arms that hold onto the edge of the desk, against Jaebum's motions. Against his body pushing him with every snap of his hips. Jaebum's breath is ragged, beads of sweat forming on his forehead too soon and he falls forward, supporting himself on his arms, hands placed next to Youngjae's waist.

But his pounding is relentless. Slow, but hard and deep he rocks forward, digging deep and robbing Youngjae of his breath and coherence.

It doesn't take long, just a few dead-on hits at his good spot, that have Youngjae forget. He moans audibly, toes curling where his feet are placed over Jaebum's shoulder.

“Shhsh” Jaebum makes, sounding broken but thrusts again just like that and Youngjae can only bite back half the moan.

 Jaebum is muttering curses and Youngjae's front teeth dig into his bottom lip while he takes one more and one more and one more. A few times he loses, the spark of pleasure from where Jaebum's cock grazes his prostate too intense as it shoots through him and has his own erection ache for release. He lets out a moan or two and Jaebum makes “Shhsh” each time sounding more wrecked, more tortured.

 The loudest, the filthiest one is surely be heard outside when Jaebum hits just right a couple of times in a row and Youngjae's head falls back entirely and he comes, spilling onto his own stomach. His body tenses crazily and Jaebums sounds like he's choking and his fingertips dig into the flesh of his thighs quite familiar. Youngjae can feel him come right away and he follows with another breathy moan at the sensation.

 

Jaebum pulls out of him and drops to his knees right in front of the desk. Youngjae's legs, still propped up on him follow. There's a bit of hard breathing filling the room before Youngjae carefully sits up, probably pulling a face. Jaebum's head is leaning against the drawer as he's trying to catch his breath. He looks up when Youngjae moves and shows him a weak smile. “We should not have done that.” He says hoarse. Youngjae agrees.

 

 

When they're cleaned up roughly and dressed, Youngjae stands a little awkwardly in the middle of the room. How do they say goodbye? Jaebum walks to the door without looking at him and Youngjae's fingers clench the hem of his shirt. They're greeted with the smuggest grin in the history of smug grins, once the door opens.

Youngjae forgot about the boy for a moment and immediately feels his cheeks heat up. Except, Jaebum doesn't seem to think about being embarrassed. He reaches his arm out to Youngjae and when he walks up, pulls him close with one arm, like a total macho and presses a hot, wet kiss on his lips. “I have to finish work” he says, holding their bodies together and Youngjae doesn't know what else than to nod. Jaebum releases him after another peck on his lips. “See you, babe.” Then he gives him a light push out the door and from the corner of his eye he can see him look at the boy with a smugger grin. And he winks.

 

Somebody please explain that man to him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess we can be optimistic now. Can't we? ;P
> 
> Btw. anyone else in love with Jinyoung? I like him more than Jackson now xD


	11. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY!  
> I know, it's been 6 weeks, don't hate me, I had other things on my mind.  
> It's not cancelled, we're gonna finish this.  
> At least the chapter is fairly long. :D

Youngjae is antsy while on the train Friday afternoon. He feels like he's going to have an important exam. His brother-in-law offered to pick him up from the train station and Youngjae studies his profile during the ride, an evil voice in his head telling him, that's Jaebum's successor. The only reason he became a member of Youngjae's family is him breaking Jaebum up with his wife.

Against all odds it's not as hard as Youngjae thought it'd be. It's not the first time. Long ago he would lie into his sister's face. Laugh and chat while knowing what was going on behind her back.

His nephew demands a lot of attention and Youngjae gives it happily. Especially because it gets him out of kitchen-duty, where his mum and sisters prepare dinner. It is nice to be with his family, but it doesn't feel like home.

When they sit around the table together there's a numb pull in his heart and he thinks about having dinner with Jaebum. The two of them at Jaebum's kitchen table, cheerfully chatting but calm. Not this noisy, not this exhausting.

When he first met Jaebum it felt like he'd been in a different world. Another Dimension that he had to leave to go back home. Now that he's sitting and listening to his little sister's chatter about her school-adventures everything feels inverse. As if he were a visitor here and when the weekend is over he will be able to return back home. Return where he belongs.

His look must have become dreamy.

“Oppa, you're not listening!” His sister complains and tugs on his sleeve. “I'm sorry” he apologizes immediately and turns towards her. “What did you say?”  
“Oppa...?” she says, eyebrows knitting. She eyes his collar with a frown and in a sudden feeling of heat Youngjae remembers the bruises Jaebum left the other day on his office desk. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

Youngjae's cheeks probably flush and he shakes his head rigorously. “No.” He says, too quickly and too obviously, but he can't think of anything else. Any logical excuse. “No, I don't!” he insists. “You're lying!” his sister accuses him and the whole table is chuckling and laughing.  
Youngjae begs for the ground to open and swallow him whole.

  


One by one family members make their way to their bedroom. Youngjae, because he is a gentleman, leaves his room to Noona and her husband and sets up his bed in his brother's room. They crawl under the covers and turn the light off, two lighted phone screens shining through the dark and illuminating their faces creepily. They chat, casually while doing their respective texting and scrolling and posting and what people do on their phones.

Until his Hyung sets his phone aside and turns on his side to look at him in the dark.  
“Youngjae?” he asks, “Can I ask you something?” Youngjae just hums, reading a few text in a group chat with his friends from university.

“The thing about your girlfriend...” Youngjae is glad that it's dark so he hopefully didn't see the little jump in his expression. “I don't have a girlfriend.” He answers too quickly.  
“Yeah, just... those hickeys are pretty damn visible, so...” His brother speaks very low. “If you feel that whatever you... _have_... you can't tell us... I just think...” He's quiet for a bit after stuttering the last part. “If you are dating Jinyoung, that would be okay for me.”

Youngjae chokes on his tongue. “Say what??” he gasps out, almost sitting up in shock, but sinking back into his sheets after the first surprise. “Uhm... well I thought that... I don't know, I just thought it made sense.” His brother turns around in his bed a few times. “I just wanted you to know that it's not a problem if you're dating a guy.”

Youngjae is too stunned to answer. He never thought of his brother suspecting him being gay. Of course dating Jinyoung is ridiculous... “We're just roommates.” He says weakly and finds that it sounds suspicious right away. “We're really not... We're friends.” He concludes. “Yeah, okay.” His brother says into the darkness. He doesn't believe it, it's in his voice. “I really just wanted you to know that it's okay. Whatever it is.”

  


Whatever it is...? If only that were true.

  


 

“I think it will be a girl” Noona says as she watches Youngjae's hand on her belly waiting for a kick. “Mothers know these things.” And Youngjae knows not to question a woman when he realistically can't know better. “I hope it” He says, thinking that a little niece would be pretty cool. She's energetic. Once she starts kicking she doesn't seem to want to stop and it has Youngjae giggling. “Once you're settled in your job, you should look to get married and have children yourself.” Her husband voices from the other end of the room.

Youngjae didn't expect this weekend to become this uncomfortable.

  


Saturday night Youngjae slips under his blanket and blankly stares at his phone. There are a lot of messages, but one chat stays empty. Jaebum did not ask for nudes. He did not text anything else either. Not even once, since he shoved Youngjae out his office just a few days ago. It's unusual. Youngjae isn't sure why that is. But the empty chat somehow feels threatening. Youngjae wonders if he should text something. But he doesn't do that normally. It's always Jaebum to text first. Actually, it's always the other people who text him first. Youngjae only does if he needs something.

He's wondering if Jaebum is still mad at him and that's why he's not texting. Or if he just doesn't know what to say. Maybe he's just uncertain. Or maybe, Youngjae shudders mildly, maybe he's punishing him.

He throws his phone somewhere between the pillows and rolls around in the bed, groaning in frustration. He was able to push the thoughts away during the day, but now it keeps creeping up to him. Maybe... they never made up.

Maybe they are still in the middle of a fight.

He digs his phone out again. He winces when he types.

“He won't text me.”

 

The text goes to 'seen' but there's no answer. Youngjae presses the dial button. Jackson rejects. Crumpling his nose, he writes “Don't ignore me!”

The text goes to 'seen' but there's no answer. Youngjae takes a deep breath and searches through his gallery looking for a good photo. Another deep breath and he sends another message. “I'll send you a pic of my roommate.” Before he can dial, his phone lights up in his hand.

“You're so fucking needy.” Jackson greets him. There's a loud noise in the background. Yelling and music “It's Saturday night, why are you pining instead of partying?” “I'm at my family home.” He answers solemn. “Yeah I don't have much time. Shoot.” Youngjae sighs. “He didn't text me once. Usually he texts a lot.” “Yeah gimme a sec!” Jackson yells before saying “Well, did you text him and he didn't answer?” Youngjae makes a disapproving sound. “No, he texts first normally.”

“Oh Jesus!” Jackson calls out. “You're really useless. Can you even tie your own shoes?” Youngjae whines. “Why would he text when you fought?” Jackson wants to know and audibly takes a sip of a drink. “We kind of made up?” Youngjae mumbles. “And that means you fucked.” Jackson concludes without hesitation. Youngjae hums. “I told him the thing about being sorry and he said he's sorry like you said!” he defends himself and pretends to not hear Jacksons friend calling for him through the phone.

“Look, puppy” Jackson sighs, unknowingly using the same pet name that Jinyoung adores. “You can't complain before you've texted him first and he doesn't reply. I can't blame him for hoping you'd show some initiative. So far it seems all you do is letting yourself be dragged along. You know what one could think?” The 'no' Youngjae gives back is more a sound than a word, but understandable. “It seems like you're actually seeking out a reason why this relationship doesn't work. You're such a chicken about it, you desperately search for something that's not right.”

“That's not true!” Youngjae shakes his head while raising his voice. “I love him!”

“Yeah, I get it.” Jackson dismisses “But truthfully, it's not like you're doing everything you can to make it last. Go. Work on it. Fight for it. Instead of just sitting back and complaining about things that didn't go just like you wanted them to. I don't know the guy, really, but I don't think you're the victim. Get your shit together!”

“You used to be more helpful.” Youngjae mumbles crestfallen. “Just wait a second, this is important!” he hears Jackson rant, clearly not for him, but his heart takes a leap. “Thanks” he says, “For considering the time worth it...”

“Tsk, please. It's about that picture.” Jacksons grin can be heard in his voice. “I don't want to put you under, Youngjae. But really. If you really truly want to be with him, you can do it. Go talk it out. Go ask him why he's not texting you. Anything really. Don't make it look like he's a fuck-buddy. Because that's something I would assume from your stories.”

Youngjae rubs his eyes. It's always been so clear in his head. He knows about his feelings. But did he really not make them visible? Was he not the first one to tell Jaebum that he loves him? Twice, actually. And yet Jaebum had said he'd doubted it. “I'll text him.” He promises. “Please do. And now to my reward. You'll send me your roomies' pic and if he's my style you'll introduce us, aye? You owe me a lot, don't forget that!” Jackson is back to his cheerful tone and takes another long sip of his drink. Youngjae is a little envious. He could use one right now. “I told you, he's evil. A good fuck at best. You're the romantic type, I saw that.”

“Ah, we'll see.” Jackson contemplates for a moment, then he adds: “I hate to say this, puppy. But sex really doesn't solve every conflict.”

“I got it!” Youngjae groans in response and hangs up. He apologizes to Jinyoung in his head and sends the photo he picked earlier. It's very decent and pretty.

“I'll take it.” Jackson writes. Youngjae doesn't bother to answer and pretends to already be asleep when his brother comes to the room a little later.

  


  


Noona and her husband offer to drop him off at the station before heading home and Youngjae has no logical reason to refuse. Noona also insists to see him off at the platform and not only that, but she also tells her son to stay in his seat with his dad who goes looking for a parking spot after they got off the car.

  


“Spit it out, Youngjae” She states simply when it's just the two of them. He doesn't have it in him to pretend to be oblivious. She knows him too well. “I am not dating Jinyoung.” He clarifies, dreading a rerun of the conversation he had with his brother. Noona laughs. “Okay okay.”

“It's nothing.” He adds, making it perfectly clear that he does not wish to talk about it, but she insists. “You hardly talked to me. You avoided all, but me the most. Wouldn't it be fairer to just tell me?” She asks, genuinely curious sounding. Youngjae didn't notice that. Thought he was good enough in playing it down.

“What if I tell you that I can't?” He asks, looking somewhere towards the other end of the station instead of her. “Yeah I don't give a fuck.” She answers nonchalantly, making Youngjae squint his eyes. If he ever said that she'd tell him to “watch his mouth”.

“Okay, fine.” She adds when he stays quiet. “I guess your brother spoke to you. I pushed him to do it, because I could see that you're suffering from hiding something.” “Better you hadn't. That was hella awkward.” Youngjae complains as he wants to forget that conversation as soon as possible. “Well, sorry.” She has the audacity to grin. “Jinyoungie was my guess. I thought it made sense as you moved in with him. And he's really handsome, so...” Youngjae groans and rubs his eyes. “Please...” he mumbles.

“But you are gay.” It's not a question and yet Youngjae can't muster up the strength to disagree. “Am I obvious or something?” He asks, upset “Does everybody know already?” Noona shakes her head. “No, don't worry. Mum and Dad are oblivious. And as you may noticed I didn't even tell your in-law. I only know, because, well, I had a little help figuring it out.”

Youngjae frowns. “What help?” he asks and Noona's eyes sway to the side. She looks shy all of a sudden. “You know... a long time ago...” She speaks very slowly, as if recollecting almost-faded memories. “Not right then, but a little later... Jaebum told me why he had to break up with me.”

Youngjae freezes. A shudder runs through his body going into flight-mode. His heart speeds up impossibly, blood thrumming in his head and fingers tensing around the strap of his bag. She notices and soothingly raises a hand. “Don't worry, I am not angry.” Youngjae's unconscious mind wonders for a second if he can get away by throwing himself before an oncoming train.

“Look... he only told me that he found out he was gay.” Her hand is still up, weirdly hanging in the air, halfway stopped on the way to be placed on his shoulder. Now it looks like she's trying to coo a scared animal. Youngjae stares at it to not look at her. For all this time he's been guarding a secret that wasn't one?  
“And I figured out the rest by myself. You see... it was always strange how well the two of you got along, but I didn't think too much of it until then... it kind of just made sense.” Noona explains helplessly. “You were so hurt and I kept watching you and at some point everything just fell into place... _It's okay.”_ She gets a little louder with the last two words when Youngjae took a step backwards, feeling dizzy. “I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about it, but... I won't say it didn't hurt me, you know? But you're my little brother and I know you didn't mean harm, so I couldn't feel angry at you. I figured we could just leave that behind us.”

Youngjae shakes his head with his eyes closed. “I'm so sorry...” he mumbles, because he can't think of anything else. His train is arriving.

“It's fine.” Finally Noona places her hand on his upper arm after all. “We're fine.”

Youngjae looks at her. Looks into her kind eyes and watches her lips curl into an encouraging smile. She forgave him. She's so kind. Loves her brother enough to forgive such a hurtful thing. Who is he? How can he rip that smile off her face and trample her feelings that she so generously put behind his own? He wants to cry.

“I didn't plan this.” She said eventually, gently guiding him towards the doors as the train finally stopped. “I really just wanted to say that... when you ever have a boyfriend, I would like to meet him.” She speaks as if she didn't suspect him to have one already. And Youngjae wants to scream. Just scream it all out. And scream at her. Yell it in her face. Put another burden on her sisterly love that she didn't ask for and that she doesn't deserve.

He lets himself be hugged goodbye with his lips pressed into a thin line and stays quiet. She waves at him when the doors close and he stares at her through the glass as she vanishes and falls into his seat with an agonized sigh.

He hates his life.

  


Youngjae is apathetic on his ride home. Staring out the window and in no mood to play a mobile game how he usually does. He had the chance, just now and he didn’t take it. Mildly he is wondering when he thought about grabbing a chance. Not figuring out IF but WHEN to confess. Finding the right moment. He shakes his head with a groan, the lady next to him sends him awkward glances.

He has yet to text Jaebum. Originally he planned to do it when he’s home. Which is of course a made-up reason. He’s procrastinating. He takes out his phone to stare at it blankly. “Text me” he wills, but nothing happens.

“Hey.” He types, then contemplates. That’s a shitty text by all means. What are you doing? How was your weekend? When can I come over? They’re all casual and they all seem entirely wrong. What do they talk about normally? Is a lovely text going to be out of order? He puts his phone away.

Now he has to fight at two fronts. His sister on one and Jaebum at the other and somehow it seems they’re allies. Pushing him from both sides until he surrenders. Noona gave him a wink. He’s halfway there with her, but that was the easy half of the path. Could he use that to his advantage with Jaebum? Tell him she knows that they were dating back those years ago? Soothe him by showing his good will to fess up…  
It’s not his achievement. She did it all on her own. How can he even think of using that to fix his relationship with Jaebum? Youngjae shakes his head and buries his face in his hands, hiding from the lady on the next seat.

He sits at work the whole next day, brooding about and unsettling his coworkers who came to like him as ‘the cheerful one’. He has the almost uncontrollable urge to screw the texting and pass by Jaebum’s apartment after work. He tells himself ‘no’. He’s made use of that too much. He’s abusing his privilege for surprise visits to get laid and soothe their arguments. At least that’s what Jackson thinks. It cannot be his one and only skill to show up unannounced and startling Jaebum into forgetting that they were fighting.

He doesn’t go there, but he walks into a store after work and picks out a bracelet. He’s not sure if he is really going to give it to Jaebum. It looks like the one he got him when he was little. And he buys it anyways, tucking it into his pocket and going home.

“You look like shit.” Jinyoung notices while Youngjae mutedly shoves his dinner into his mouth. He wonders how it is that in movies it’s such a common cliché that people who are depressed or sad are never hungry. Always having ‘no appetite’. When he’s sad he eats twice as much. “Thank you, I wouldn’t have known without you telling me.”

“Was it that bad at home?” he asks and Youngjae just shakes his head. Yes it was. “Is it because you need to get laid? Because when you were regularly whoring yourself out to your yummy-looking affair… I tell you, you looked much healthier. Youngjae wants to say ‘fuck you’ but because his mouth is full he manages only an incoherent grumble.  
“Really, puppet. You were practically glowing. Soft skin, shiny hair, rosy lips. Like a fairytale maiden.”

“Shut up!” Youngjae complains after swallowing. “Is that your way of telling me to go make up?” “Well, actually I was only telling you to go get fucked. Because my last info was that you had made up. Did you lie?”

Youngjae shakes his head first. Then he shrugs. “I thought we did, but we haven’t spoken since…” Jinyoung puts his hand to his chin in a thoughtful manner. “Sounds like a guy who just won’t let himself be played.” Youngjae wants to say “I don’t play” but he only gets to the part where he opens his mouth when Jinyoung already says “Yes you do.”

Jinyoung eyes him from the other end of the sofa while Youngjae types on his phone in slow-motion. It takes like half an hour and he misses most of the movie that is playing.

“Hey, I got you something. When are you free?” He adds a heart emoji, then throws the phone away and closes his eyes.

  


It buzzes hardly a few minutes later, but Youngjae can’t get himself to check. He locks his eyes onto the TV screen, even though he can see Jinyoung looking at him in his peripheral vision. He still has no idea what the movie is about.

It buzzes a few more times, each one getting him more anxious. He doesn’t budge, not until he sees a rash movement from the corner of his eye, but he’s too slow to react. Jinyoung snatches his phone from where it lies and immediately retreats to the other end. “Stop it!”, Youngjae yells and jumps him, but he’s never stood a chance against Jinyoung, who is taller and sturdier.

His expression stays absolutely unreadable, while he studies the texts Youngjae got. He stills, halfway through with his attack and looks at him expectantly. “Is it bad?” He asks, somewhat mildly out of breath. Jinyoung looks him dead in the eye- and nods. Youngjae rips the phone from his hands and crawls back into his safe space at the other end of the sofa. The chat is open from Jinyoung looking so he spares himself the courage to have to do that.

  


“A text?”

“A text is all I get?”

“Since when did you do that?”

“Seriously Youngjae. A text?”

His fingers get numb. If he just knew what the damn problem is. If he knew what Jaebum wants. He figured a text might be a mistake, but it’s not that he can tell why. He scrunches his nose. Jaebum is an annoying texter. Each sentence a new line. A new notification.

“I was waiting for you to show up at my place.”

“Why didn’t you just show up at my place and strip naked like you usually so?”

“That’s what you do, why do you send a text now?”

Youngjae can’t help his face heating up.

“You can come over any time…”

“But seems like now I don’t have to wait for you anymore?”

“I was waiting your for surprise visit.”

“Excitedly.”

“I hope whatever you have for me is in your pants.”

Youngjae sighs deeply. But he does not try to hide the gigantic smile from Jinyoung. He may be the one who solves conflicts with sex. But sometimes he forgets that that can only work since Jaebum is a massive pervert. He thinks Jaebum is punishing him and in reality Jaebum is just looking for the easiest way to fuck. His heart fills with warmth. Sure, some people would say it’s a bad thing to base a relationship on bedroom activity, but at least when they’re physical there’s no miscommunication.

“I’ll come by tomorrow.” Youngjae writes and sends without any extra fuss.

Jaebum answers with a sad emoji. “Now you’ve spoiled the surprise.”

“Okay, I won’t come tomorrow.” He writes back with rolling eyes. He fucking loves Jaebum’s quirks.

“Yes you will. Can’t wait to be inside you, babe. Love you.”

Ugh… that man.

  


As Youngjae steps through Jaebum’s apartment door the next afternoon, it is very quiet. He may or may not have paid for a taxi to not waste hours on public transport. He may or may not have put on his tiniest pair of briefs in the morning, feeling constraint and uncomfortable for most of the day, but always telling himself that it’s worth it. And he may or may not have riled himself up with naughty thoughts during the ride. Accidentally, of course, but still he feels like he hasn’t seen Jaebum in weeks.

  


The apartment is very quiet. Youngjae peaks into the kitchen and opens the bedroom door, checks the bathroom and eventually has to accept: Jaebum isn’t here.

Anxiety tightens its grip around him immediately. Jaebum is punishing him. Youngjae said he would come over, but he’s not here. It’s payback, Youngjae may just have fucked up again. He pulls his shirt over his head as he makes his way to the bedroom again and drops it to the floor. Then his pants. He takes the bracelet out from the pocket and takes it with him. He’s only in his underwear when he flops down on the mattress. He didn’t go through the suffering of wearing it all day just to take it off without getting the chance of having Jaebum admire how pretty his butt looks in it.

He buries his face into the pillow on top of the neatly made bed, bracelet clutched in his fist. Then he waits.

  


Jaebum is hard to overhear when he comes home. The door gets pushed so enthusiastically that it knocks into the wall. Shoes goes flying into the rack and something thumps to the ground. Youngjae rolls on his stomach, hides so that just in case what he’s doing is embarrassing, he won’t have to look at Jaebum.

He hears a squeak from the living room and then the door gets tossed open even more enthusiastically than the apartment door. “It must be my birthday!” Jaebum yells and jumps on the bed, tackling Youngjae into the mattress. “Best. Gift. Ever.” He buries his face in the back of his neck and it tickles.

“I’m not your gift.” Youngjae complains, extraordinarily relieved. “Not you. This. It was in your pants after all.” And he sticks a finger under the waistband of his panties and pulls on it to let it snap back onto the skin. “My butt isn’t your gift either.” Youngjae rolls around underneath him to look up at Jaebum’s face and he may or may not end up with his hips between his legs. “And your birthday is in 6 months.”

Jaebum smiles. “Whatever.” He dismisses, “I still like the surprise.” Youngjae frowns. “I told you I was coming over…” Jaebum shakes his head. “You didn’t say _when_. You know, I wouldn’t have been in any condition to work overtime if I knew you’d be waiting here for me with your cutie booty sticking out.”

Youngjae feels like rolling his eyes and laughing at the same time. He wonders if he forgot how handsome Jaebum is. His flawless features awe him as if he’s seeing them for the first time up close. So does his gentle voice. He sounds genuine. Youngjae reaches up to kiss him softly. “Did you really just…” he asks quietly and Jaebum looks back curiously, “… just wait for me to… you know… And that is why you didn’t text?” Jaebum shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe?” he answers indefinitely. Youngjae frowns again. “I thought you were mad at me.”

At that Jaebum nods. “I was. Or… I am.” Youngjae’s lips part, but he doesn’t make a sound. Something stings in his chest. “But we’re on pause, aren’t we?” Jaebum adds. “Guess so…” Youngjae mumbles and lets himself be kissed again. “I love you, babe.” Jaebum whispers against his lips and eases the ache.

“This is actually it.” Youngjae presses his closed fist against Jaebum’s chest who sits up on his heels, his knees digging under Youngjae’s legs so they end up hanging over his thighs. Then he grabs Youngjae’s wrist and inspects his hand curiously.

“Oh” he exclaims when the fingers fall away and he finds the bracelet that now feels useless and ugly to Youngjae for some reason. All that fuss about a gift and now it’s a cheap leather band that’s really nothing special. He feels the need to clarify that. Prevent disappointment. Since when does he feel so inferior to Jaebum?

“I gave you something similar before, just thought… if you threw it away or something I’d get you a new… But if you don’t like it, you don’t have to wear it…” he staggers while Jaebum takes the piece out from his hand. His face looks so soft when his eyes fixate on it. “God, Youngjae…” suddenly Jaebum sounds much smaller… “How could I not like it, I…” he slips it on his right wrist and keeps admiring it. “I loved that bracelet, I lost it…” He looks down and leans over him. “I was so sad you know, I lost it, the strap tore and it must’ve fallen off, it was the only thing I had of you… So it made me so sad.” He babbles. Youngjae wraps his arms around his neck and pulls him down for another kiss.

“I missed you.” Jaebum mumbles halfway into kissing. Youngjae smiles. “I thought you’d show up here after a day or so…” Jaebum sounds mildly out of breath each time he pulls away just enough to speak against his lips before diving back into the kiss, tongue slipping into his mouth. “Guess I overestimated how much you’d miss me…”

“Shut up, idiot.” Youngjae complains, “I was… over the weekend I was at my family home…” Jaebum detaches himself for a moment and looks at him. Then he nods. “Pause.” He says quietly and ends their conversation by thrusting his tongue between Youngjae’s lips and kissing him deeply.

His hands slide down his naked body finally, touching the skin on his chest and sides and finding his thighs for a kneading. Youngjae wraps around him as well as he can manage, nails scraping the back of Jaebum’s head and neck. He rubs his thighs and his crotch against Jaebum’s body, clothes rough at his skin. He’s insecure why missing Jaebum and longing for Jaebum always includes his body. Would he yearn for his presence if not for the sex? But shouldn’t a healthy relationship have sex?

  


“Stop thinking.” Jaebum orders quietly as he moves his lips to suck at his neck. “You’re thinking too much.” Youngjae tilts his head for Jaebum, bearing his neck and pressing his hot mouth against his skin. He’s unsatisfied with the lack of skin on skin contact so he pushes Jaebum off, gets his hands under his shirt, finds his throat with his lips.

It’s messy.

They throw each other over time and time again. They leave hot wet trails and hickeys along the other’s neck, Youngjae’s hands tearing at the barrier of clothes while Jaebum gets bitey. His teeth bury into Youngjae’s skin leaving bruises right next to the healing ones from last week. “I love seeing my marks on you” Jaebum mumbles “Make you even prettier.”

He’s a mess.

Youngjae leaves red lines on Jaebum in return, nails scraping along his back, each one of them a legacy to one bite being too rough, going to deep. Youngjae doesn’t know if he’s the one who got Jaebum’s shirt and pants off or if it was himself. They roll around the bed, assaulting each other, messing up the sheets until the blanket lands on the ground. Neither of them care.

Youngjae slides his hands down Jaebum’s naked chest, slips his fingers under the waistband of his underwear, but as he follows with his eyes he bursts into a fit of giggles.  
Jaebum sits up. “Am I not your Superman?” he asks and fits Youngjae’s palm over his bulge, where the yellow logo shines. His red and blue undies have a superman print. Youngjae still giggles, even though feeling Jaebum’s hardness makes him aware of his own aching member, constrained in his tight briefs.

Jaebum yanks him over with one arm under his thigh and this time when he falls backwards into the messy sheets he surrenders. His legs fall open and his head sinks back. Jaebum is now the one to run his palm over his clothed cock and Youngjae whines in response. Jaebum pulls his own underwear down and reveals his leaking cock that has Youngjae’s twitch in anticipation. He may or may not have licked his lips.

Jaebum moves down, one hand curled around his own length while the other grabs at the hem of Youngjae’s underpants. His face comes to a halt only above the bulge and he licks along the outline of his cock over the fabric, finally getting Youngjae to buck and moan. His fingers sneak under the hem at the back of his legs, grazing over the skin of his butt. Youngjae wants to complain but tells himself to just accept the teasing. Take what he can get. And show Jaebum what he gets, when he slides his hands into his hair and presses him into his crotch unapologetic. Jaebum mouths at his erection with a grin, wetting the fabric and eventually pulls it down.

Youngjae sighs when his aching member is finally freed and allows Jaebum to drag his legs around to get the panties off. His thighs spread casually so Jaebum fits in between as he slicks up his length with the lube he snatched off the drawer. It’s like they’ve never done anything else. Youngjae lies comfortably, pulling up his knees just a little. Just so Jaebum can move closer and guide himself to his entrance. Youngjae’s greedy hole takes him easily. He sighs in relief when Jaebum breaches his entrance, listens to him groan. He wiggles impatiently because Jaebum slips inside ever so slowly. His thickness draws him open steadily so Youngjae ruts back at him, urging him to go on.

Jaebum’s breath is heavy, he gasps and his fingers clutch at Youngjae’s tensed thighs tightly. When he finally bottoms out Youngjae is panting just as much, muscles twitching and tensing around the base of his cock.

Jaebum has no haste to lean forward, placing his lips on Youngjae’s jaw, hardly moving his hips in tiny circles. Youngjae wraps his legs around his waist, moans spilling over his lips from the heat and impatience. Jaebum pulls back a little and thrusts back into him, patiently. Youngjae moans. It’s calm, sweet and the pleasure a dull throbbing in his rock-hard length.

His heels dig into Jaebum’s skin, pulling him close, his head presses back into the soft bedding, fingertips dig into the mattress. With his mouth hanging open in delight, he chokes out encouraging words. Jaebum mutters something in response, but he can’t understand them. His thrusting is torturously slow, though deep and strong. “Hyung…” he whispers breathlessly, hips moving against him and Jaebum leans down and shuts him with another kiss. It’s wet and sloppy and all the while he keeps pushing into him in a steady rhythm. Youngjae feels the lust burning in his guts, like charcoal, steady and with no flame. He’s sweating, moaning. Every now and then Jaebum pokes at his sweet spot, not enough to satisfy him, but enough to drive him wild.

The ache and need eat at him, wear him out, until all he does is whimper pitifully. Jaebum licks at his skin, pants in his ear, groans occasionally. He’s just as sweaty, his bangs plastered to his forehead and his eyes are hazed like he’s delirious. But so so steady. Youngjae’s pathetic whimpers sound loud in the room, even he hears that but he isn’t able to stop them. Jaebum’s stroking at his prostate has him choke out more moans, his muscles are tensed so hard that they will probably get sore.

And then Jaebum moans in his ear and his teeth find a clean spot at his shoulder to bite down on and Youngjae feels the staggering and Jaebum thrusts a few more times, deep and a tad faster and groans viciously against his skin and then feels the heat inside as Jaebum fills him up. He whines, rocks his hips back against Jaebum’s halting motions, attempting to jab the head into his sweet spot some more before he can go soft, making Jaebum gasp while he’s being milked dry.

Youngjae’s body churns and stretches in heat, desperate for more. Jaebum pulls away after he stilled completely, his length slipping out of Youngjae, leaving him empty and unsatisfied. But not for long. Jaebum doesn’t hesitate for a second before he crawls down and aftera couple of open mouthed kisses down his chest, his lips wrap around Youngjae’s head, angry red and sensitive and he screams over the contact and how Jaebum slips a hand behind his legs to thrust his fingers up his loose entrance. It’s not the same as his long hard dick, but the pressure helps. Youngjae’s legs wrap themselves around Jaebum’s shoulders, keeping him in place and he swallows him down his throat and the wet heat surrounding him and the thrusting in his butt have him keen. He’s choking on his spit and crying out and he doesn’t last long. His body spasms, fingers tearing at the sheets and he comes with a pathetic yell.

  


It's finally comfortable when they lie next to each other on their backs and steady their breathing. Youngjae glares at the roof, fighting with himself.  
“You know” he says eventually and he can feel that Jaebum's head turns towards him without seeing it. “When I was at home... Noona talked to me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, all these emotions.  
> We're nearing the finish line.  
> I wonder if we can wrap things up neatly. ;P


	12. Ahead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soooo sorry this last chapter had to be so short.  
> I didn't think it would be or I'd have shortened the last one.  
> I really thought it'd be longer, but I said all I needed to say, so that's how you'll have to take it.

Youngjae can feel Jaebum tense where their arms are touching. “I know I'll press play when I tell you this, but...” Youngjae keeps staring at the ceiling, “She told me that you... Confessed to her a while ago...” His voice gets smaller and then it's quiet.

“I'm sorry.” Jaebum whispers and Youngjae finally looks at him. Jaebum rolls onto his side and reaches a hand out to wipe a strand of hair from his face. “I guess I should have told you that...” Youngjae shrugs. He wasn't aiming for an apology. “I guess you should have.”

“I'm sorry.” Jaebum repeats.

Youngjae looks away once more. “You see, you told her you're into guys and...” He sighs deeply once, “She figured out the rest.” Jaebum hesitates. “The rest?” he asks confused. “You and me.” Youngjae is upset that he has to clarify that for some reason. “Oh...” Surprise is evident in Jaebum's voice and posture. “Oh fuck.”

“Yeah...” Youngjae gives back defensively. “I'm standing there on the train station and have my sister tell me straight in my face that she knew all along why her husband really broke up with her. It was a lot of fun, really.”

“Babe...” Jaebum scoots closer, “I'm so sorry.”  
“Ugh”, Youngjae groans, “I didn't ask you to apologize about lying to me.” Jaebum buries his face in the side of his neck with a little whine. “She said it was okay, you know?” Youngjae keeps going, “Said that she accepted it and didn't want to speak with me about it. You know why?” Jaebum shakes his head, somehow. “To leave you behind us. So you wouldn't harm our relationship.”

“Nooooo...” Jaebum mumbles disheartened and quiet. “She's crazy...” Youngjae can't help but almost laugh. “She's my sister.” Jaebum doesn't think it's funny. “I'm sorry.” He whispers and Youngjae scoffs in return. “You said that.”

“No I...” Jaebum doesn't even attempt to lift his head from where it's snuggled in his hair. “I am sorry for underestimating the situation you are in.” And then he takes a deep breath. “Don't tell her. Don't ever tell her.” “Can you ever stop telling me what to do?” Youngjae grumbles, even though he doesn't mean it.” Jaebum's voice is sad. “I'll stay hidden forever if I have to. Hide me then.”

Youngjae feels his warmth and he feels that he means it. At least right now. “You won't say that tomorrow.” He states. “You wouldn't say that when not post-orgasm-cuddling.” Jaebum sighs. “But at least now I know I'm important enough to you to consider it, so... thanks, I guess.”

“I love you.” Is all Jaebum has to say. “Yeah.” It's Youngjae's turn to sigh. “I love you, too.” He can hear Jaebum's breath go soft and steady. The hand on his hair is limp. He pushes him away, startles him, but shoves at his shoulder until he is on his back again. Jaebum's face speaks of confusion. Youngjae presses a short, hot kiss on his lips, then crawls over him and lays down flat on his stomach between his stretched out legs, face hovering just above his crotch.

“Ahh!” Jaebum makes, somewhere between surprise and excitement. “Careful” he adds, a little whiny, “I’m sensitive.” There’s an audible pout and Youngjae thinks it’s adorable, but it does not keep him from wrapping his lips around the head of Jaebum’s flaccid cock and sucking him into his mouth. He grips at the base and starts stroking him, he can feel his thighs tense. He gasps a few times, fingers coming to rest on his head, strands of Youngjae’s hair getting caught between them.

Youngjae lets him slide outside and looks up, nudging his cheeks against the slowly growing member. “Please fuck me, okay?” he asks, sweetly, “Like, for real this time.” He blinks innocently and he can see Jaebum swallow hard. Submissive cuteness always works. Youngjae still rubs him to hardness, gives him a few licks. “Look”, he says eventually and crawls up. Jaebum sits up, too, as if enchanted to do so. When Youngjae kneels over his hips he grabs one of his hands and guides it behind him. “Look, I’m so wet still.” He breathes in Jaebum’s ear and feels the shiver. “I’m so ready for you.” He adds, guiding Jaebum’s fingers between his cheeks. He takes over then, eyes glossy and lips parted in heavy breaths one digit slips inside him, then a second, breaching him with no resistance. Youngjae makes soft sounds of approval and arousal. He’s loose and wet, Jaebum’s fingers fit easily as he pushes them deeper. “My body is so needy for your cock.” He keeps talking, whispering in between cute little moans. “Needs you to pound it. It’s just for you.”

Jaebum’s breath stutters, his body tenses and Youngjae feels his hard length poking the insides of his thighs. “That’s right, baby. Like that.” He encourages and Jaebum’s fingers slip out of him. He pushes him back and turns him over as if Youngjae was a puppet. He’s on his stomach again, just his butt perking in the air and before he can adjust his position into a more comfortable one, Jaebum’s hands come to spread his cheeks and then his hard cock drives through his entrance and has him yell out in pleasure.

Jaebum leans down to him, places his hands on the mattress at his sides and thrusts his hips. Youngjae relishes in the pleasure and makes it known. “Like that.” He encourages and offers a moan. “You drive me nuts, babe.” Jaebum answers, picking up a quicker pace than before. The sound of skin hitting skin, each time his front meets Youngjae's buttocks is more than familiar. He holds against it with so much strength he can muster up as Jaebum carries out what he asked for.

Youngjae is sure that he will never be able to do without this. Never wants to miss the way Jaebum stretches him open like noone before and probably noone ever will. How he reaches in his depths and has him shake from the pleasure he evicts. And how he groans in his ear, savage and yet so undeniably for him. How he makes his toes curl and fingers clench the sheet, because he can't take it and still wants more. He can feel him sweat and hear his ragged breath. He feels the strain in his muscles. Youngjae's body is aching and he can only imagine how it is for Jaebum. And yet, when he whimpers and moans “Harder” he complies and his hips rock against him, pounds him into the bed, shake him and make him see stars. He loves all of it. And he wants it that way. The way he makes him _his_.

Jaebum owns him, he does and still he abides him, worships him. Youngjae is high. His whines doubling over as Jaebum fucks him senseless.

He comes with a silent scream, unexpected and harsh and as if he's been waiting for that Jaebum buries himself inside him and follows, arms giving way and crushing their bodies with his fall. Youngjae is still shaking, Jaebum's hips still twitching as it lingers.

Jaebum rolls off, unceremoniously, body limp in the sheets. When they calmed down, Youngjae looks over and his eyes are closed and his breath is steady. He looks fast asleep.

He really wants to do nothing more than follow, but he crawls off the bed before sleep can take him over.

He sneaks out the room, leaving the door a notch open to make less sound. It's getting dark and he searches quietly for while, before fishing out his phone.

It's late, but he presses the dial button anyways. It rings, often. His hands are shaking, he's shivering from panic and cooling skin, moist from the exhaustion. He's about to resign, when his call is finally answered.

  
  


“Hi Noona, sorry to disturb you this late.” He whispers breathless. “Oh, hey Youngjae, don't worry, I was still awake. What's up?” She sounds cheerful. Now.

“Noona...” he begins, needs to take a few breaths. “I am sorry. I really am.” “Oh Youngjae.” She says, friendly and a little pitiful, “You don't need to call me about that. It's through. Don't be sorry, it's okay.” Somehow she read from his voice that he's not apologizing about the late call this time.

Youngjae rejects. “No, it's not. I needed to tell you that... I fell in love with him. I didn't want to, but it happened and... Besides all... we never... He didn't cheat on you.” It's quiet for just a moment before she answers. “I can't say I'm not a little glad to hear that.”

Always start with something positive. “And I never planned this either.” He keeps going. “I haven't seen him since he moved out, but... Noona, I'm so sorry, but I can't help it. I love him.”

“What...?” her tiny voice sounds through the phone between his babbling. Youngjae tries to take a deep breath, but it ends up shaky and he feels like he needs to cry, suppressing the urge to ask for her understanding in tears. What a lame shit move that would be.

“I should have told you last Sunday, but I was so... I was so scared and speechless and I am sorry I'm doing it on the phone but... I need you to know now. I can't do... It was an accident that we met. But I love him.” He can hear the sharp inhale at the other end, but she doesn't speak.

He has to keep going now. “I met him... a few weeks back. Noona, I... I am dating Jaebum.”

His eyes flicker through the living room. Restless and nervous. His gaze is stopped by the doorway. There he stands, nude and sweaty and stares back. He doesn't move and neither does Youngjae, frozen in place, even the shivers holding their breath as they look at each other through the nightfall.

  
  


“I'm sorry.” His voice is hardly audible, but it's so quiet that she must hear. “About all. But I need him.”

  
  


He can't decipher the sounds she makes. Not sure whether she's actually saying something. “I need to digest that.” She croaks eventually and then the call ends. His eyes are still fixated on Jaebum's figure as his hand sinks down in slow motion.

  
  


It's Jaebum who breaks the silence.

“I need you, too.” he murmurs softly and Youngjae, unsure of what it means, nods. He walks over and only when Jaebum is close in front of him he can see that he is actually smiling. He cradles his face and kisses him softly. “I'll be with you. Through anything.” He promises and kisses him again.

It's sweet. Sweeter than before, at least it feels like that. Jaebum's lips taste like home and happiness. Besides everything, when they part, Youngjae also smiles. He feels light, even if he shouldn't, he does. A problem solved, a burden taken down, a weight off his shoulders. When he wraps his arms around Jaebum's shoulders, he floats.

“It's ours now.” He says and Jaebum blinks. “What?” He wants to know and Youngjae places one more sugary kiss on his lips.

  
  


“The future.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conclusion
> 
> Now, before you freak out. It's the not the end you wanted. It's not enough, I get it. But it has to be enough. It's a happy end, okay?  
> It's not exactly how it was originally supposed to be a long time ago.  
> I got some snippets and parts that have stayed unused now because at some point it just wouldn't fit anymore.  
> However, I like the changes I ultimately decided on, because I wanted Youngjae's confession in the end while before I wanted it it at the end of the second to last chapter. However, I thought it was nicer to not drag the story on when basically the plot is finished.
> 
> So this is it.  
> Don't be disappointed.  
> I got three drafts in the making by now, I just have to decide which one to carry out entirely.


End file.
